Three

WARNING: swearing language.

     One of my best friends in the whole entire world is my husband's cousin Scotlyn. She's three years younger than me, but I have more in common with her than just about everyone my age. I think the reason we get along so well is because we've both been through so much with our insane mothers.

 

     See, when Scotlyn was very young, her mother abandoned her. Just like that, just left her and decided she didn't want to be a part of Scotlyn's life. She said horrible, very hurtful things to her... and she didn't care. But eventually, she decided that she wanted to be in her daughter's life, though her efforts were minimal. So Scotlyn let her back in. But it wasn't to be able to see her mother.

 

     Scotlyn has a younger sister. This girl's her only sister, and Scotlyn cherishes her. She loves her to death. This girl is the only reason Scotlyn still has anything to do with her mother.

 

     This is sort of another branch on the tree of things I have in common with Scotlyn... I found out last year that I have a half-sister. I also found out that I met her... ten years ago. And along with meeting her, I met my biological father, whom at the time, I didn't even know was my father.

 

     I don't know if anything I'm telling you is true, as far as my dysfunctional nuclear family is concerned. The reason I say this is that the facts were given to me by Joni (my mom). One night, before all this s**t happened, Joni and I got into a ginormous argument. Or rather, she got pissed off because I was right, so she decided to scream and chew me out because she had no legitimate excuse as to what she'd done before I'd jumped her a*s. Long story short, she called my dad (step-dad) to come over and "talk some sense into me". And then the truth slipped out because she threw one of her whiny, crocodile-tear, boo-hooing tantrums and victimized herself like she always does.

 

     Before she explained to me who my father was, she'd told this fishtale about being raped when she was nineteen, saying she'd been out dancing and that someone had slipped a date-rape drug into her beer. Personally, I believe she was just drunk off her a*s from the beer itself. And if there were any drugs in her system, believe me, it had to have been her call.

 

     She explained how she'd planned to save herself for marriage, which, again, I don't quite believe. She and my father... conceived me... without even getting close to being married. Plus, my dad didn't stick around even before I was born, so that shows they weren't (or he wasn't) even planning a life together.

 

     My dad was smart for leaving her a*s when he could. I just kind of wish he would've taken me with him. It hurts sometimes to think that he wanted to be in my sister's life, but I wasn't enough for him. I'll never have the same relationship Savannah has with him. It shouldn't bother me, because I'm grown. But in all honesty, that really hurts. That's a family bond I'll never get to make. I can't find them. I searched on my birth certificate for his last name, but his name isn't even on there. And unfortunately, Savannah's got the same last name.

 

     One memory I have of them is when I was about seven or eight years old. Joni dragged me on a long-a*s trip to Fort Worth, to this ranch. Of course, I didn't know where the hell we were going or why. It was random to me. But that was the first time I met them.

 

     I remember we pulled up to a trailer next to this barnhouse. There were a bunch of trees and a barbed-wire fence. And I remember a dog. I can't remember his name, but I'm guessing it was along the lines of "Little Hank" or "Little Dum-Dum" or something wild like that. I remember that dog was the sweetest, stupidest thing I'd ever met. He was tied up to a pole with one of those cable leashes, a big old pair of bowls for food and water off to the side.

 

     I remember the inside of the house. It was like a fricking arcade in that trailer! There was a pool table and a claw machine and a Pac-Man game. And it wasn't one of those s****y little handhelds, oh no! It was a full on game like the ones you see at pizza parlors! I never wanted to leave that place. I don't remember how long we stayed, but it must have been a week or two.

 

     While we were there, this huge storm hit. Ha, I remember we were all huddled in the barnhouse with that big bed that was too tall for even my dad to try to jump up on. And that damn stupid dog was in the bathtub, howling away like a crybaby. And that's really the last memory I have of the meeting.

 

     I don't really remember why we ever left that place, but I think it had to do with my sister's mom coming home or something like that. Dear God, my mom said, "Oh, she's an evil woman. She's so horrible, I don't want you around her."

 

     I'm beginning to bet that Savannah's mother was a lot less "evil" than my mother put her to be. If my dad stayed in her life as long as he did, she must not have been that bad.

 

     Sometimes I wonder if Savannah remembers me, or if she even knows we're related. I want to talk to her and see so bad, but there's no way. That was years ago. Hell, when we were that young, we used to plan out getting our parents together so we could be sisters. Little did we know...

 

     Things like this make me wonder if I have any more longlost siblings. I had always thought I was an only child, to both my parents, no matter who my dad was. And I'd grown up thinking my dad was this horrible person who was in prison because he'd threatened to kill Joni and take me away from her. If he had threatened to take me, I can see why now. She's f*****g crazy, and I kind of wish he'd succeeded.

 

     But that's not how it is. He's not a crazy person, too. He didn't threaten to kill her, he never even wanted me. So everything I've heard is most likely a lie. Sorry if I've confused you, but believe me, I'm just as lost.

 

     There are times when I feel like I can't believe anything anyone is saying because I've been lied to all my life. I don't know anything about when I was itty-bitty that I already can't remember. I don't know one side of my family, and have no way to ever know them now. At this point, I trust in nothing that escapes Joni's mouth. Unfortunately, I can't say the same for all the rest who have also been infected by her venom.

 

     I don't know if I've already said it, but she's told so many people so many ugly, untrue things about me. SO many things. And, of course, no one listens to the "child" end of the story. So I got stuck hearing the same ugly thing, over and over and over.

 

     Every once in a while, Joni would try to fake an apology and get me to come back and live with her. Ain't gonna happen, but she tried. When I first went to court, I was given the date of September 19th, the day before my birthday... the day of hers...

 

     She'd written me a letter (F*****G MINI-NOVEL) and had given it to my dad to give to me. In it, she'd told her entire life story, or what she made up to be as her entire life story. This consisted of multiple unfortunate events, much like those of Lemony Snicket's series. Only the ones he'd made up to write that book were more believable than this s**t.

 

     The things she said in it were unreal. Having maybe half of the first sentence read, I was about ready to punch a wall. I've literally never seen anything so fricking stupid, and I've seen some pretty stupid s**t in my lifetime. I mean, come on! I live in the generation that considers Nicki Minaj a great representation of American music! That's awfully stupid. But believe me, the things my mom said top that by... God knows how much.

 

     After I finished reading it (or attempting to read it), I let my aunt skim it. She didn't know how to react, either. It was just too damn ridiculous to comprehend, at least for anyone in their right mind. Even the most insane of the most insane couldn't do it. Adolf Hitler, Miley Cyrus, even Satan couldn't begin to try to comprehend what she wrote down. It was that bad.