Chapter One: Bant

“Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” - Stephan King

Killing was not just a habit; it was a game, and one that I was particularly good at. I loved the terror on my victim’s face and the feeling that I was so powerful, as I had caused this. I created monsters in my mind, viciously scaled or furred or covered in spikes. I could project these monsters into my victim’s mind, so that only they saw them as apparitions in the room. The mind monsters would attack, the victim feeling real pain but never actually being torn apart by claws or teeth. No blood would appear, though the victim stared in horror as they watched their blood pool at their feet.

Nothing ever touched them. They literally died from fear.

Sometimes I would lose control. The monsters spoke to me, and I would listen. Sometimes I directed my monsters towards others, or affected all the people in the room. But that wasn’t a problem. I had Mavi.

Mavi controlled me. I do not know how she did it, but as soon as she brushed my shoulder, the urge to kill was gone. We were designed for each other, perfectly matched to rule the kingdom with our father, the high lord Iskim. Mavi was beautiful, even at seven years old. Her face was slender with high cheekbones, framed with locks of blond hair that fell just in perfect little waves. Her eyes were blue, a lighter shade of our father’s, and her smile would light up a stormy night better than lightning.

I loved her.

I remember clearly the day I killed her.

I was six, Mavi seven. Iskim had brought in a victim for me, a prisoner of war from a distant land I would never been to. Mavi and I were brought from my room to the courtroom, a large chamber of black marble that echoed every sound. The courtroom was always smoky, as Iskim liked to burn candles and incense. I remember the bitter taste as it stung my throat. Iskim was already there, dressed formally with a hand lying casually on the hilt of his sword. He smiled as we came in, but it did not reach his eyes. My palms grew sweaty. Even at six, I knew something was wrong.

Iskim hardly bothered with formal proceedings. He bowed deeply to the watching council and civilians. He nodded to the guards to bring the prisoner forward.  The man fell in front of my feet, cursing as the chains tore at his skin. He glared at me through a mat of hair.

“Go on, then. Kill me.”

The monsters in my head came to life. I smiled as they growled and sang, calling greetings to me. I ordered them to attack, and a shadow of fear passed over the man’s face. I smiled wider.

But he did not react. His face contorted, but he still glared up at me, eyes wild. I narrowed my eyes and the monsters attacked with renewed fury. A serpent curled around the man’s torso and struck him with flashing white fangs. The man hardly flinched.

Clothes rustled as Iskim stepped forward. “Concentrate, Bant. Kill him.”

I clenched my fist, anger rising. I was trying!

 As a deformed wolf-beast slashed at his chest, the man spoke slowly, pausing between each word. “You kill…with fear.”

I met his eyes, and the monsters wavered. He continued. “I have… no… fear of monsters… nor death. I am… ready.”

My face flushed angrily. I took a stiff step forward, wanting to join my monsters in the killing of this man who resisted my strength. My monsters spoke to me. You are weak. I was weak. Too weak to kill this frail human.

“I only fear the monsters in this room.”

“Kill him!” Iskim snarled, stepping forward. The man who would not die was getting to his feet, wrists bloody from tearing at his chains.

You are weak.

No.

Too weak.

I will kill him.

My anger exploded. The monsters were everywhere, in every mind in the room. They were huge, growing and distorting as I let my rage increase. The council members looking on screamed, even the hardened soldiers of my father’s elite guard tearing at their own bodies in an attempt to rid themselves of the monsters I created.

Mavi grabbed my shoulder, her pretty face pale. I whirled around, snarling as though I was one of the beasts. A look of shock and fear flashed through her eyes as I threw her hand off. “Bant!”

I growled in response. I was so angry. So angry. I was not weak.

Prove it.

A sharp pain pierced my palm. I uncurled my clenched fist to find my fingernails growing and sharpening. Ah. So this is how I would prove it. Hair, as black as my normal mane, was sprouting across my body. My body twisted and grew, bones shifted and shrunk, and my skull wrenched outward.

I stood as one of my monsters, the one my father had called a Kharn.

Mavi fell backwards, scrambling away. I enjoyed the look of terror as I stepped forward.

Someone called my name. Or at least, I think it was my name. Bant? Was that what I was called? I shoved the thoughts away, focusing instead on my prey, the girl in front of me.

She screamed. I adored it, especially how it echoed around the chamber. Yes, yes. Claws clicked on the marble as I took a step forward. It was strangely calm in the room now. Where had my monsters gone? No, no. Focus on your prey, they told me. They had disappeared, leaving me to finish the job.

I smiled, displaying my teeth. I will prove I am not weak. The girl screamed, and a tall man with black hair like mine stepped in as though to protect her. My father, I though distantly. It did not effect me whatsoever.

A sword glittered in his hand, swiping dangerously close to my skin. I snarled, lashing out with a club-like hand. The man stumbled and dropped his sword, a scratch glistening with blood across his chest.

I snarled. They were distracting me from my prey. I wanted to catch her, I wanted to kill her. I wanted to see her blood pool at my feet and drip off my claws.

Yes.

She was crying in fear, fingernails bloody from scraping the marble to avoid me. I bared my teeth and leaned in, practically drooling with the thought of the blood.

She screamed when my claws pierced her, as I ripped down her chest. Blood poured through the thin fabric of her dress, ribbons of it sticking to my claws.

My claws?

A sliver of humanity threatened to rear, questioning the blood on my hands and the girl dying at my feet. Mavi. I remembered her name.

The humanity was supressed, I was the beast once more. But I still remembered her name. Even as I lunged forward and sank my teeth into her throat, tearing it out, letting the empty carcass of the girl that I once loved fall to the black marble floor.

I was a monster.

I shivered, feeling my monster form start to shift away. I clenched my fist, enjoying the feeling of pain when my claws pierced my own skin. I was a monster.

Iskim--I remembered he was my father now--walked slowly forward. "Bant... Bant, my son..."

Anger flared up, threatening to take control. "Stay away from me!"

"My son, I am so proud of you."

That got my attention. He was proud? I turned to face him, holding my hands out from my body like they were contaminated.

"I will mourn the loss of my daughter, but you possess power I never could have imagined."

I flexed my hands experimentally. He was proud. I hated him. I hated myself. I threw my head back and screamed, tearing at my skin. I was a monster. Tired of hurting myself, I lunged forward wildly, spit flying from my slavering jaws.

Iskim yelled in surprise. "Get back, all of you!"

I lurched forward, trying to get at him. He reached for the sword, but froze when he realized it wasn't there. It lay twenty feet away from where I had knocked it from him. In a desperate attempt to stop me, he yelled for his guards. The cold metal of the chains angered me even more as they choked me back, using the same chains from the now-dead prisoner. Blood splattered my face. His body was still attached, I thought dimly.

The chains were wrapped around my wrists and neck, then tightened to pull me back. I lunged at the guards, fought them, till I had thrown one man into the high wall of the chamber. He hit with a satisfying smack, the empty chain he had been holding swinging wildly around.

But the shift into the monster had tired me, and as I fought, I slowly lost to the tens of guards. I lowered my head with a low growl, defeated.

As Iskim and his guards eyed me warily, I found myself shifting back. The fur shrunk back into my skin, claws turned into fingernails, and my figure grew human once more.

I spat, mixing with the blood on the ground. My hair was damp with sweat and fell into my eyes as I looked up at my father. "I... I am a monster."

Iskim smiled. "I know."

 

 

Without Mavi to control me, I swung in and out of control. I would morph constantly, in and out of the beast form. My father said it was the Kharn, the beast who's blood I had inside of me. I hated him. I hated me. I hated most everything, and nothing mattered. I was dangerous but half-dead.

I lurked in the dungeon, where Iskim's guards had dragged after I killed Mavi. It was small, damp, and cold, made entirely of a rough grey stone. Light barely entered, even at high noon. Blood, both fresh and rusting brown painted the walls.

Iskim still would bring his prisoners to me. This time, they suffered an even more terrible death.

            Whenever someone spoke with me, I would lose control. Most of the times I would shift even without interacting with other people. I was trapped in my thoughts, dark thoughts filled with blood and death and Mavi's face before I would killed her. If I shifted when no one was around, I would tear at myself, relishing in the feeling of pain, pain I was causing, even to myself. In hurting myself, I maintained my little bit of dignity--I caused myself pain in return for causing so many others pain. It was a twisted system, to say the least.

Ten years passed like an eternity. Falling in and out of control made me question everything. I was insane. I knew I was insane. But I couldn't do anything to stop it. I couldn't stay in control, because I did not have Mavi.

Ten years. Ten years left me as a seventeen-year-old beast, as uncontrollable as ever.

 

 

My seventeenth birthday.

My head ached when I woke up, chilled from the stones beneath me. I did not remember what I would done last night as to have caused the headache splitting my skull, or why I was ravishingly hungry.  I was completely naked, from my head, covered with a mane of overgrown black hair, to my feet, rough and torn bloody.

I shifted my body on the stone floor and laid my head back down. I was surprisingly alert, able to record my appearance and keep a hold of such human thoughts. A good sign..

My seventeenth birthday. I grunted to myself. Why did I remember this? My last clear memory was of Mavi’s death. I flinched as the memories came flooding back. Blocking them out of my mind, I reached up to run a hand through my hair, but froze when I saw it caked with blood.

“Damn.”

The word echoed around the chamber. I grew angry with myself, fluctuating between man and beast. I scraped my nails down my face and beat at the walls.

“Bant.”

I must not have heard the footsteps, for when I turned, Iskim was standing at the metal bars of the entrance to my cell.

I wheeled on him, wrapping my hands around the thick bars. He looked down at me, curling his lip in distaste. “Bant, happy birthday.”

He laughed at his own joke, angering me even more. Damn him, to stand out there and laugh. I snarled, dragging my claws down the bars. The metallic screech shut him up, pleasing me. He crossed his arms, then spoke.

“Your services are needed. You know what that means, don’t you? Dinnertime.”

My jaws slavered, the human side of me sickening. I let go of the bars and backed away, knowing the drill. It was dinnertime, yes, but it first meant the chains and spears of the guards.

Iskim smiled at my evident fear, then nodded toward the lurking guards. Dressed in red armor, they cut an imposing figure, dragging the chain forward, until I noticed one had a slight limp. Something human fluttered in me, pausing me for a heartbeat. I felt as though I had caused that limp.

With a groan, the gate lurched open, drawing me back. The advancing guards made me furious. I snarled and beat at my chest, already sprouting fur and strange leather scales that acted like armor.

The beast took over, and my mind went blank.

 

 

The thick stench of fear. I loathed it and loved it at the same time. The human in me awoke once more, and I could make sense of things. Chains. The heavy cuffs were rough on my wrists and neck. They hurt. I twisted, trying to get rid of them, but it was hopeless. Snarling, I turned my gaze from the cuffs to the guards holding it. As soon as I even glanced at one, a sharp jab stung my side. I whirled to find another guard, a spear in his hand. I let out a roar, but another spear was stuck into my flank. I couldn't win.

I was dragged forward, snarling and fighting, into the center of an arena. It had high stone walls that I knew I couldn't climb, and a dirt ground. As I was released, I whirled around to attack my captors the guards, but they were already gone. Furious, I scraped the ground and stalked forward.

Iskim was sitting casually in a chair, lofted high above the wall. He signaled another guard, then crossed his arms with a smile.

A door opened, opposite of the one I would been pulled through. A figure was shoved through it, falling onto the ground and sending up a puff of dirt. Coughing, it got up and took a step forward.

"Bant, my son. It's dinnertime.”

I reared and snarled at Iskim, but I'd learned it was useless to target him. Dropping back to all fours, I focused instead on the thin figure limping away. Ten fast paces put me six feet from it, my hunger and excitement growing. It was a girl, by the looks of it, filthy. I did not usually like to look at my prey, it made it harder to block human emotions. A growl started low in my throat as I dropped into a stalk, ready to devour the morsel in front of me, feel her bones break and her life end, feel the disgust that always came from that human, the child in me that never accepted killing…

But I couldn’t kill her.

No, I did not want to kill her.

The fur faded, turning back into pale brown skin. I felt a dull pain as my bones shifted and shrunk. Claws became fingernails, teeth shrunk to a normal size, and…

I was human. Wholly and completely human.

I fell forward, drained of all strength. I slowly gathered my thoughts. I was naked, and it bothered me for the first time since I don’t know when. My body ached, and there was a bad taste in my mouth. I spat, trying to rid myself of the taste, the spit mixing with the dirt on the ground to make mud.

I brushed my hair out of my eyes and looked up from where I lay on my belly. Iskim stared down at me, eyes wide with poorly disguised surprise. He leapt down from his seat and the wall, landing a few feet in front of me. He walked stiffly up, trying to maintain his cool manner. I lowered my gaze and watched as his boots approached me.

“Bant, what-“

“I can't kill her."