WHILE

While you're sleeping,dreaming,

What do you see in your sleep?
could you be envisioning me there,

Possibly even imagining
my body curved to fit against yours?
While the moon gazes down on you.

the sun is shining down on me,
but I'm still dreaming of you,

While We're dreaming, awake.

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

I like this poem. It has a very transcendent feel and is extremely rhythmical when read aloud. I especially enjoyed,

While the moon gazes down on you.
the sun is shining down on me,
but I'm still dreaming of you,
While We're dreaming, awake.

I also like your use of language -- very descriptive and concise. The only suggestion I could make for this poem would be to minimize it further. It's already a very condensed extract of a moment/thought, but I would try to remove any word that does not absolutely need to be there and then make any further revisions. It may create an even tighter, more condensed version. Otherwise, I completely enjoyed reading this. Have a good one and definately keep up the good work.