Freedom will Come

Times like these are getting difficult for me
Lately, my mind is my worse enemy
Taking over with a new identity
Breath. One day I pray that I will be free

One step at time, trying to take it easy
“Help me, I’m slowly dying Mentally”
But I cannot say that in therapy
A happy smile is what they want to see

I’m Screaming inside wanting to be heard
But when I get close my mind takes control
and I can’t even say a single word

I hope that soon I’ll be free as a bird
That my mind will one day release my soul
So I can go out and explore the world

Author's Note

This is the first time I’ve wrote a sonnet, I’ll appreciate any feedback

Reviews

[CheekyChoco]

I can feel the raw emotion when you used the word "screaming", and the capitalisation of the word intensives this emotion. I think for your next poem you should focus more on expressing this harshness because it is such a powerful feeling that you seem to be able to evoke in the reader. In addition, the structure could be condensed to further the concept of this poem.

[Andrew Nelson Stewart]

We are all like unknown like the poem Unknown Bird by W.S Merwin. To play on the use of birds, we all have a song to sing and you have a beautiful melody. I loved the line " I hope that soon I’ll be free as a bird
That my mind will one day release my soul
So I can go out and explore the world." You speak highly the tiresome battles between subconscious mind being repressed from the conscious mind. The continual battle of mind and heart crossing swords and hope to die. Yet I feel the speaker is trying convey this but in a latent way, existing beneath the surface. The soul always prevails. The main theme I get ultimately is Nirvana which means in Buddha , "supremely peace liberation." Keep writing sincerely your friend in writing and life

[Delmar Cooper]

I enjoyed this, thank you. I didn't enjoy it because it was a really good sonnet with splendid rhymes and exact structure, although it is. I enjoyed it because the premise is wicked sharp - genius sharp. I think it is an example of truth creeping into a poem through the voice of an unreliable narrator who lists all the reasons for self imprisonment while the poem, the poetry, the poet, all soar free in expression.
Thanks for sharing.