I'm not crazy

Oliver Shadow is just a normal guy.. but is he going crazy? Or is the guilt from the fact that he caused his sons death tearing him apart?

So here I sit.. in my room. White walls, white sheets, white clothes, there is no color here. Brookfield insane asylum... my new home. Honestly I have grown quite accustomed to this place. Its nice. So what is it you want to know? You're the psychiatrist... shouldn't you be telling me what's wrong with me? Either way I guess the best place to start is where it all started....

It began when my son asked me to check under his bed, of course I thought nothing of it at the time, we had just moved into a new house in a micro-sized town in Alabama called Willows Creek, thousands of miles away from our New York home we had been used to, but farming was a huge industry here and with me working in the tractor business and all the move was for the greater good. My family understood when I told them we had to go, but it has put quite a strain on my relationship with Alerion. We have been married for 6 years and were just now running into problems but it was bound to happen eventually....I seem to be getting ahead of myself, we haven't been properly introduced. My name is Oliver Shadow, I am 30 years of age and until a about a year ago had no idea what fear truly was.

It was about midnight, Friday October 15, 2011. Usually by now Kellin was in bed, but we had been up late watching a scary movie marathon.. they were his favorite. Kellin is my six year-old son, he had my dark black hair and his mothers gorgeous blue eyes... He was my greatest achievement. We had, had so much fun watching movies and eating popcorn and candy, I always loved spending time with him and my wife.. but all things must come to an end and I soon was forced to turn off the tv and tell him to go to bed. He obeyed like he always did, he was a good boy but tonight he seemed a bit on edge. I assumed it was because of the movies I walked him to his room and tucked him in.

“Daddy, I think theres some one under my bed... can you check?” Amused I decided to humor my son and I got down on my knees to check underneath. Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw at that moment. An exact replica, a living breathing copy of my son stared back at me from under the bed. He shook with fear and as a single tear ran down his face he said, “Daddy, theres some one on my bed.”

I jerked upright, could I have really saw what I just seen? Was I imagining it from all those movies? Had I had enough sleep? There must be some explanation for this. With my eyes closed tight I got down on my knees once more and slowly lifted the blankets to check underneath again. I heard a whimper, reluctantly I opened my eyes, there was nothing there.... but I had just seen him! Where could he have gone?

“Daddy? What are you doing?” Thats right, the real Kellin was still atop the bed waiting for me to tell him it was safe, was it? I wasn't sure.

“Son, how would you like to sleep with me and your mother tonight?”

“Of course! Its creepy in here anyways!”

He jumped out of bed and ran down the hall, I closed his bedroom door and I again lifted the blankets. There was nothing there. I told myself I had imagined the whole thing, I really wish I had.

My wife didn't really question me about Kellin sleeping with us, he did it often enough. But I couldn't get the incident out of my head, sleep never came that night. I rose the next morning at sunrise after hours of trying to fall asleep. I was exhausted. I made me some coffee and turned on the news. around 9:30 Kellin was awake and ready to start his day. He did his usual morning routine, eat breakfast, shower, brush his teeth and then run to the house next to ours to ask for his new found playmate Andrew. But a peculiar thing happened that morning as if last nights occurrence wasn't enough. While Kellin was brushing his teeth I was walking by the bathroom and I swear I saw his reflection move... not like he was moving though. When he would look away, it watched him. It didn't look harmful last night.. more terrified than anything but now, now it was completely different. It watched my son with eyes filled with hate and anger. It glanced towards the door and saw me, it didnt care, it knew if I told anyone they wouldn't believe me anyways. It just continued to watch my son like its prey. I quickly ran to wake my sleeping wife. Of course when I told her what I had seen she seemed concerned but she told me that I was just tired and my eyes were playing tricks on me... maybe she was right. I did as she told me and I laid down to rest and was instantly unconscious. It was almost dark when I awoke.. I had slept the entire day away. The house was still, quite, unnerving. I didn't like it. I jumped out of bed a creeped down the hallway. There they were, my wife in the kitchen and my son on the couch once again watching scary movies, this one seemed to be about a guy with a chainsaw terrorizing some teenagers. At that moment I heard the back door open and Kellin yell, “What's for dinner mom?”

My stomach dropped. If that was him? Who is sitting ri-...? Where did he go?!?! The Copy...The clone he wasn't there anymore. My first thought was to get my family out of that house but no matter how much I pleaded with my wife she wouldn't listen, she told me I had gone mad and I was scaring the child. Why didn't she believe me? I saw him with my own eyes. I would prove it to her! He was there, I knew he was. I turned the entire house upside down searching for him. Alerion became enraged, yelling at me about how I wasn't supposed to talk about it! I was supposed to forget!

What was she saying? How could I forget something that was just now happening? Why couldn't I talk about it?

“What are you saying? I dont know whats going on!” I shouted at her. Kellin had retreated to the safety of his room, I was glad. He didn't need to see this.

“You know exactly what I'm saying! We came here to escape the past! To run from what you did. You let him die Oliver! Why must you remind me of it?”

“I... I don't understand.” I stammered utterly confused. Kellin peaked out of his room with eyes full of fear.

“Don't you remember dad? Don't you remember Andrew?”

“Andrew??? Our neighbors son Andrew?”

“Honey, they don't have a son... what are you talking about?” She didn't look angry anymore, just terrified and drained.

“We have been over this a million times... there are no copies of our son.. there was once. 6 years ago. We had twins, Kellin and Andrew. Then one day while me and Kellin were away at my mothers house you and Andrew went fishing. He fell in the water, you were too drunk to save him...Thats why we came here, and well... all the other places we have moved to, to forget.. to start over”

There was no way what she was telling me was true. I don't drink. I have only ever had one son. Why was she defending this monster who was torturing me? Making me look insane. I was starting to get angry.

“What is this? Some type of sick joke? You think its funny to joke about the death of a child? Your sick Alerion. Get away from me!” ....As soon as I did it I knew I would regret it. I pushed her... not too hard but I did knock her off her feet.... and she crashed into my son. What have I become?

“Aler-..,” I didn't know what to say that could fix this..

“I'm sorry.. I... I didn't mean to,” I reached to help her up but she fumbled backwards and grabbed Kellin. She called the police. I didn't make excuses. I didn't run. I simply sat and waited for  them to show up. It wasn't long before i was in the back of the squad car on my way to the county jail. From there I would see many doctors such as yourself and eventually end up where I am now. I still see the clone. In my reflection, under my bed, behind the curtains. He silently watches... I've learned to find some comfort in him. He reminds me of my old life. Sometimes he talks to me, but all he says is “join me” I'm not sure what it means.. but I have an idea. I have thought about it quite a bit but I could never take my own life. Not after all I have put what was once my family through. I deserve to be here.. to try to get better so someday I can go back to the life i've left behind. I hope they waited for me.. I haven't heard from either of them since the day I got here about a year ago. But I’m sure they have a reason for not calling.

I'll kick this soon though. I'll remember.. or Alerion will realize that none of that happened and she just imagined it. Everyone keeps telling me I repressed the memory for so long and I secretly blamed myself so I imagine the entire thing but I know thats not true. I'm not crazy. I'm perfectly sane...

“Sir... who are you talking to?” questioned the nurse entering my room.

“Why the doctor of course.” I said pointing to the only other person in the room besides us and the clone.

“But.. theres no one there.....”