My everyday.

A Story by Kelly

Everyday I go through the same process. Walk the halls, smile when necessary to make everyone think everything is okay. Truth is, I don't feel that way at all. Everywhere I go, I worry and feel bad about myself and life in general. Looking around, you see people laughing, hugging people who truly cafe for them. When teachers ask questions, they raise their hand triumphantly, teachers smiling back proudly. I stutter, mind blank. Why must I be so annoying so nobody wants to be around me? Why must I have no intelligence to make my teachers proud? Why can't I be the same sweet, happy, always polite girl I was just a few years ago. Pondering this, I walk to the bathroom. Ah, yes. The sharp scissors are just where I left them. Feeling the dark storm cloud that lingers over my head constantly, I drag the blade across the skin on my wrist. I see blood, so I know that that storm cloud has began to rain once again. I see the blood drop from my skin to the floor, feeling the pain. What people don't know, is that I prefer physical pain to emotional pain. Nobody sees te pain I go through inside, but maybe, just maybe they can see my call for help that is the even,lined scars on my wrist. Maybe, just maybe, they will care. That's all I want after all, right? To feel wanted, needed, loved. That blade that I drag across my skin is the perfect form of punishment for myself. This is what I get for being me. So every day, I go to school and attend my clubs/sports with my internal pain hidden, and I stride to my favorite teacher'a rooms. "Do you have a band-aid?" They sigh, turn around from the task that they had busied themself with, shuffle through their drawers. "Sorry, I guess I don't have any in here anymore". I nod, give them thanks, and walk out the room. They didn't ask why I needed it. They didn't ask how I am doing. Because they don't have time for me anymore, and it's being made obvious, so now I walk to the lunchroom where I eat nothing and listen to all of the laughter and chatter, thinking about how this whole process will repeat itself the next day.