A Part of Me

I am from little girl giggles who stay up late

Because they know they aren’t supposed to.

I am from long walks on the beach with my mom and sister,

Hunting for that one certain shell.

 

I am from the pain on my mother’s face

When Grandma died.

I am from growing up cold and missing mother’s

Warm smile that went dormant long ago.

From talking about things that used to make her buckle

Over in laughter, to receiving an “uh huh” or a “mhmm”,

Followed by a quick upturn of the mouth and back down again,

Like the half smile never appeared.

 

I am from a disaster that goes on within myself

That I have no control over.

And at times the only way out is to pray to God,

While all my fears and failures slip out in silent tears. 

I am from needing help and receiving none because

The fear of telling mother is too strong to let out.

And while I agonize over my problems,

The worry on mommy’s face is growing.

 

I am from two older sisters who have been disappointing

Time and time again.

Which makes me Mama and Papa’s last hope.

I’ve already let them down,

 Because this is the family that is hard to talk to.

And they still don't know the reasons why I consistently

Shatter their allusions.

 

I am from friends who care about me

And would do anything to see me smile.

Without them, I would be a shell.

Like the ones my mom would frantically search

For on those long forgotten beach trips,

Except this time she'd be searching for me,

In those long forgotten friendships.  

 I am from a multitude of sweethearts

But only one or two that really meant something.

I am from heartbreaks:

Burning memories, pangs of jealousy, and

Moments of depression.

 

I am from seeing the look on his face

And knowing what it feels like to die inside.

 

From falling in love for the first time,

To watching it crumble to pieces in my hand.

 

I am from looking for some way out of

This dark tunnel and finding one

In New York.

I am from long drives up there every summer

to get away from life.

For a while. For a week.

 

I am from a family that doesn’t go to church,

Even if I want to.

And even though I confided two years of my life to God,

I lost it all.

 

I am from going to that one special place,

Camp,

That makes all the suffering worth it,

As long as I can feel closer to God. 

 

I am from growing up strong and healthy,

Learning from my mistakes.

 

I am from my past.

I am from everything in my memories.

I am me.

 

Reviews

[GamingGal]

I like this poem, especially the comparison of the person to seashells in the middle. It tied together the beginning and middle, which I liked. And I like how (I think) you are saying everything we are is because of everything we have experienced. Which is true.

Very insightful and very good.

[Beccy]

Everything everyone is, feels, experiences, is perfectly captured here. It is the light and the dark of life writ large.

One review only from two hundred and twenty six views? How strange, surely more than one reader must have understood and grasped the depth and meaning of this superb piece of writing.

Beccy.