Solitude

I live in solitude.
Confusion is a daily state of being.
I'm just living.
Just existing.
Waiting...always waiting.
Hoping...always hoping.
Praying...always praying.
Doesn't matter though, does it?
I wish it did.
But if wishes were nickels, I'd be a millionaire.
Self destruction appeals to me.
Not exactly sure why.
I have some ideas.
But nothing concrete.
Just the voices in my head.
Just the thoughts that I can't escape.
I have dreams of certain things.
They are pipe dreams.
The pipe is close to bursting.
Then where will I be?
Still living in solitude.
I wear a clamp on my mouth.
My heart is on my sleeve.
My body cries for your touch.
Your eyes...they still deceive.
If only I could make you laugh.
If only I could make you smile.
The way certain people do.
I guess I am envious.
Wishing those smiles and laughs were for me and caused by me.
Uncomfortable comfort.
My heart is not my own.
My soul is intertwined with another.
Nothing I can do.
Nothing I can say.
I feel my time is not for long.
Solitude....solitude.
Can you hear the song my heart sings?
I am in love with you.
You are truly a beautiful soul.
Day by day.
It's all I have.
Until the end.