Chapter One: Mrs. Baker, Shawn, and Emily

A girl that lives like she's in a dream the perfect family, the perfect freinds.... nah her life isn't like a dream at all. Family and freinds issues and her bad attitude.

Chapter One: Mrs. Baker, Shawn, and Emily
God I�m starving! I banged my head on my desk. Ten more minutes 'till lunch time. I looked up at Mrs. Baker, my reading teacher who was looking at Shawn. He was reading a story, out loud, from our reading book. I looked at the clock again. I sighed loudly and then all of a sudden my hair bow came loose but I didn�t feel like fixing it, so I left my hair down.

�Maria, stop banging your head on your desk! Everyday you come to my class and bang your head on your desk and I am absolutely tired of it. Also you were terribly rude to Shawn as he was reading. Apologize to him now.� Mrs. Baker said angrily. Wow, she notices. Heh, me apologizing to the teacher�s pet. Hell no. I smirked and yawned. I looked over at Shawn; he was looking at me like he was waiting for me to apologize to him. I then looked over at Mrs. Baker; she was waiting for me too. �Well?� Mrs. Baker said impatiently. I looked at my classmates. They were all staring too.

Emily, who sits right beside me, kept whispering to me to apologize. I wanted so bad to say shut the hell up but I couldn�t everybody was staring at me after all. I guess I really do have to apologize. Gag. I looked down and then up at Shawn who was still looking at me. I sighed and asked, �If I said sorry to Shawn, you wouldn�t interrupt me right, Mrs. Baker?� I look over at Mrs. Baker. She nodded. I look over at Shawn. �Shawn, you�re a teacher�s pet and I really... really hope you know that. It�s pit-�

�Maria.� Mrs. Baker interrupted. She sounded kind of pissed off. B***h. You could see all of her wrinkles on her forehead as her eyebrows went down to make that pissed-off face. I really wanted to laugh at that moment but I couldn�t. I would have been in so much trouble. So I just grinned.

�You said you wouldn�t interrupt me, Mrs. Baker. I think you are being terribly rude to me. I want an apology now.� I tried keeping my serious face on but couple of grins slipped out. Mrs. Baker was looking really pissed off now. Her face was turning red and her eyes looked like they would pop out. I took a peek at the clock to see how many minutes it was to lunch. Seven more minutes.

�Maria, apologize to Shawn right now!� She said with a ruler in her hands, as if she was actually going to beat me with it. I smirked at that. Like that hag is going to beat me. I looked over at Emily; she had a disappointed look on her face. I gave her a thumb up.

I looked over at the clock. Five more minutes to lunch time. I better make this fast then. �Shawn, I am terribly sorry for being rude to you. But I can�t help it if I�m bored.� I gave him a thumbs down and turned to Mrs. Baker. �Now where is that apology that I am waiting for?� I said, looking at the clock. One more minute.

Mrs. Baker looked at me and said, �Stay with me after everyone leaves for lunch.� What the hell? I�m not going to f****n' stay here with you nagging. �Do you understand me? Stay after.� She said that like I was deaf or something. B***h, do I look like I�m deaf. �Okay, everyone can go to lunch now. Have a nice day. I'll see you tomorrow.� I got up and walked out with the rest of the class. �Maria!�

As I was walking down the hallway to the cafeteria. Shawn came up to me and said, �Wait Maria, you�re supposed to stay after.� Wow, he actually came up to me; I guess he�s not afraid of me. I shrugged and pushed him aside. He hit the wall and his glasses fell down. He is such a loser. I bent down and got his glasses.

�Tell Mrs. Baker about this and I will hurt you.� I threw his glasses at him and he caught them. I then continued walking down the hall to the cafeteria. When I got to it I went to Emily's table. I put my stuff down and then Emily looked up at me.

She then said, �Maria, did you even listen to me? I keep telling you to apologize to Shawn. Was it that hard to say it?� I smirked. I have never seen Emily lose her cool in the three years I have known her. �We are in tenth grade now, don�t you think we should act a little more like responsible adults.� Heh. Emily has been a honor student since we been in high school and since then she is always talking like she�s a adult.

She was about to say some more but I didn�t want to hear anymore of her bull. �Shut up and listen! Look after my stuff and we will talk when I come back.� I yelled at her. She nodded and then looked down. Good. I went to the lunch line and skip some of the people to get near the front of the line. As I was skipping a guy pushed me back. �Hey what the hell, move your a*s!�

He turned and said, �Who the f**k do you think you are!� What! Who does he think he is! Just because I�m a girl doesn�t mean I wouldn�t whip your a*s. I started to take off my earrings and my rings and put them in my pockets. Just in case. I glared at him and then all of a sudden someone touched my shoulders and pulled me back. I turned around and saw that a guy was pulling me back. I slapped his hand away.

�Don�t f****n touch me!� I pushed him and turned around to the other guy but he was gone. Heh. I smirked and took his spot. The person behind me didn�t mind, I guess because they didn�t do anything. I put back my earrings and rings. The choices were roast chicken, pizza, or a ham and cheese sandwich. With these choices you got fries, well expect for the roast chicken, you got a lousy bun with that.

�I want the ham and cheese.� The lunch lady gave it to me; I also got some green beans and an apple. I quickly walked to the table where Emily was sitting at. I sat down in front of her, taking a bite of my sandwich and took a bite of it, savoring the food.

�Maria�. are we friends?� Emily said it like she was depressed. Yeah right. Like hell. For a smart person she sure is clueless in relationships. I bet she'll still be a virgin when she�s like thirty or forty or even worse fifty. Heh. I smirked and picked up a fry. �Maria?� She said it like she was crying. I looked up and she was; tears were falling down her cheeks. I grinned and munched on my sandwich and shrugged. �Maria, I�m sorry but I just can�t deal with your stubbornness and selfishness anymore. I tried, I really tried, but now I just can�t. We are not friends any-� I laughed loudly and almost choked on my sandwich.

I putted down my sandwich and interrupted her. �Please Emily! We were never friends. Open your eyes, I was just using you. What took you so long.� I picked up another fry and chewed on that for a bit. �I don�t need you anymore. You can go and get yourself some nerdy friends now maybe you can hang out with Shawn while you�re at it!� I laughed and continued,� I heard he needs a girlfriend too.� Emily got her stuff quickly and ran out the cafeteria crying. I grinned. I don�t need her anymore. I don�t need anyone.

Author's Note

My grammer is bad, my spelling is decent but still needs some work and I know my main character is one sided but I didn't want to show you guys the other side of her yet.

Reviews

[ConcreteFantasy]

I think the Maria's character is defined well and she is instantly disliked which pulls attention to her every move. I think there needs to be some direction of where the story is going. I understand the school atmosphere but I don't know where it is leading me which leaves the chapter more like a short story of friendship other than a novel's first chapter.

Pros: Great way to define your character she seem reality believable

Cons: Formating, separate your dialog from your text. Scenery, you need more descriptions of what is in the room, how it smelled, sounded, etc.

Hope I helped

[Claire D. Hawthorne]

Woah, ultimate b***h. This should be interesting.

The first paragraph made me a little confused. The dialogue and the whole reading out loud thing made me think that the story was taking place in like, the 5th grade, until Maria started cursing. Then I was like, "That's a very mouthy youngin'." But then they mentioned that they were in 10th grade, so that made more sense.

Also, the dialogue sounds a little fake. Try this trick; read your dialogue out loud, like it was a real conversation. If it sounds weird to you, then it'll probably read weird. Oh, and also be careful of puncuation and the sort. Tricky little b******s, those puncuation marks.

All in all, Maria's character kept me entertained and wondering why she's so cruel. I want to give Shawn a hug, too. xP So, yeah. Not bad for a first chapter. Can't wait to see the rest!

[Wolfwind Words]

I think this has got great potential!

I have to admit, a little more discription would be helpful in area's.
Especially in the area of the character personalities and the surounding area, they they are interacting in.
I might suggest, imagining your self as each one of the characters in turn. Seeing what they might see, around them as well as, what they see in others. Then describe what you envision.

I liked how you uses a different font and color shade for the thoughts of the characters.

Over all the plot is sound
Infinity's Shadow

[AaronPhobia]

I love it, but it seems more of a short story, like ConcreteFantasy had said. The characters seem to have no emotion except for Maria

pros: Has a nice storyline that i would like to keep reading until you are finished. Would like to know what happens next.

Keeps the reader following the story at the edge of their computer chair until they move to the back of it.

cons: No emotions at least you didnt describe them except for Maria and Emily.

When i first started reading all i imagined was a clock and desks and people, nothing else.

Cannot imagine parts of the story where they are at

With writing and feedback you will become a better writer. hope this helped

-Aaron [ =

[Galyen]

i agree with the other guy u need to describe the enviorments, sounds, and smells better