Cold Denial

She's currently being "questioned" in the psych. ward.

They ask me what I like about my body. I don’t have to look down to see all that I don’t like. The miniature water balloons that lay stacked inside the skin of my thighs squish together and jiggle every time I uncross my legs, only to cross them again. The bump of my stomach is squishy, liquefied, prominent. Absently I poke it under the blanket. My cheeks are too round, my fingers too swollen. I have obtained a sickening under-bite during my sixteen years, and I never smile. I am pale, not tan like everyone else was around here. I have child’s nails, small and easily breakable. 

“Nothing,” I whisper, my voice tense, icicles forming on the edges of my lips. 

They look at one another, their expressions hooded. I look at the floor, studying the specs of fuzz from the shedding blanket that is draped over my body. One of them coughs to grab my attention, and I slowly meet his requirement. “Nothing?” His voice is hard, no-nonsense-whatsoever hard. I nod slowly, trying not attempt to cause him to explode, because that’s what he looks like he’ll do. I can’t tell if he’s having a bad day, or if he thinks I’m exaggerating. Either way, he’s scary.

“Nissa, I think we need to address your method of thinking.” It’s a demand, not a suggestion. And I hate it. They’re trying to control me. They think that if they send in big guys with mean expressions and loud voices, it’ll be persuasion for me to agree with them. But it’s not. It just makes me mad.

Tilting my head to the side, I regard the one that spoke last. “No. My way of thinking is fine. It’s what you see that’s wrong.” Oh boy. I’ve challenged him. I’ve called him out, and now he’s going to try to prove me wrong. He opens his mouth, but I cut him off abruptly, triumphantly. “You see a skinny girl. You think I have the same problem that over half the girls in here have. I am not anorexic. I am overweight; thick links of yellow fat are packed together under my skin, restricting me, keeping me from doing anything. And then there’s you. Feeding me day in and day out, encouraging me to “obtain the perfect body”, when really, all you’re doing is laughing at me at how I’m becoming the plump hamster running around in the wheel, following your every command!” 

One… 
Two…
Three…
Four…

I’m breathless, but I hold in any attempts to resupply my oxygen. The silence drags on. They’re all staring at me,expressions hidden behind glass eyes once more. I stare back, defiant, but tired. It’s draining, trying to prove that you’re normal when they think you aren’t. 

The silence is broken by the sound of a binder closing slowly. I blink and suck in a huge wad of air, soundlessly. One by one they stand, mirroring my soundlessness. 

“Till next time, Nissa.”

I say nothing as they leave my room.

Author's Note

It's short, but like I said, it's hard to write. How is it? ^^