A Strange Life in The Making

Refuse the bread
refuse the wine
all the flesh and the evening's rush
it's strange tendencies towards excess
caught in it's swoon-
quite alive and doomed-
A strange life in the making.


A strange life in the making,
strewn about a thousand notebooks,
scribbled into the sunset,
into light itself
on every canvas,
into the Earth itself

So be done with terrible magnets,
and hoarse, mocking laughter
that undoes everything,
unmakes each pules,
each cell , each wave,
each chemical reaction
Undoes every sunset,
unwrites every poem I will ever write.

Wail and the universe pays no attention
only hellbent harlots and mortals,
no one worthy to tempt,
no one worthy to be tempted by.
No worthy adversary

and the blue pen dies.

Anxiety that comes in abundant heaps,
The car comes and I am collected like dust,
or old coats.
I spill into the seat like a drink.

To be this many people at once is deranged
feeling dangerously idle.

Bookshelves
swollen like breasts.
The city below in a sort of sleepy daydream.
I drank and I drank and time passed.

Then dawn came and the streets came alive
I raced Eastward through dense mist
and heavy fog.

The coming of a storm of fates.

November returns
as we said it would.
Once so cruel and overbearing-
Now I find it polite and not paying attention
I noticed it immediately

Too tired to sleep
too tired to write.

The rain hurries us to our beds
to sleep...
Counters every clock,
every leaf on every tree
each sounds like the wet drums,
of some lazy war band,
in need of a dry place.

Fate is cruel
but sometimes kind
holds a grudge and allied with time
and countless pointless conversations
confessions made at dawn taken back at dusk
Night fell like a drunken fool
in some idiots trance,
or some magician's music,
some spell,
some guide without names or numbers.

A strange life in the making.

Reviews

[Briana O'Connor]

I could feel the raw emotion and intensity portrayed with out this piece. There was an exquisite sense of relation to various aspects of the piece, however it was very hard to keep up with what the intention of the poem was. I felt like you started with one idea and drifted in and out of various thoughts. Each line is beautiful. I'm just not sure the all of the pieces are put together here. I enjoyed reading this work. Thank you for sharing.

[Ashfallen]

Wow... I so enjoyed the mood and tone of this, but I had a hard time, at times, remaining within the space of the work. I found that I was tossed about, unsure of my footing and the setting within the read, but perhaps that was the point, and if so, it was quite effective at reiterating the meaning of the piece in a strange, unsettling way.

I found myself wondering what "terrible magnets" refers to... would love to know more.

Whew... SO many delicious, inspired and inspiring phrases and moments in this piece!
"I am collected like dust, or old coats"
"I spill into the seat like a drink"
"to be this many people at once is deranged" !!!
"storm of fates"
"confessions made at dawn taken back at dusk"
"night fell like a drunken fool"

Your imagery and metaphor is astounding here. I am sucked in. I feel the futility, mixed with desperation and roaring desire for meaning that can only be soothed by oblivion. This is an amazing exploration of an intelligent, self-aware, needful, isolated soul. It reminds me a bit of Dostoevsky's perspectives, especially in _Crime and Punishment_. Delicious, raw darkness.

I truly believe this is a masterpiece in the making. With some improvements to flow, this could soar higher than high.

A couple minor nitpicks:
Keep in mind "it's" is only used when you could replace it with "it is"... "Its" is used when you mean "belonging to it." So double-check what you intended with the few "it's" you used.

"pules", I believe should be "pulse"

[Lauriegirl]

This is a multilayered piece with a strong statement. Very good read

[Anne Timmins]

I like the message and the easy flow of this work.

[thewholesoul]

It was a very good read, you have a skill at expressing a lot of emotion through imagry. it was a bit wandering at times however. best wishes

[Delmar Cooper]

I've now read this over a pair of days. I have no idea what this means to the writer or what the writer means me believe it means. Which does not matter since each reader owns all he reads to hoard or waste as is his custom.

I have an idea or two about what it means to me, and to me it is meaningful. For that and your invitation to read, thank you.

[Mary Bosworth]

This has some very good phrasing and I like that it keeps to form. You have conveyed what you wanted to say very well.

[Vito]

What a mouthful! I read this outloud to hear it clearly in my mind, as it is one of those types of meandering pieces that defies clarity.I don't think it is meant to be clear-cut, but more a venturing into what we see deeper into the view of perfection.

[Susan Beth Horvath]

I enjoy reading your work. It features detailed imagery and depth of emotion

[Patrick]

Beautifully done! This has such a rich message