Ch 18: Something to Say

Doubt and fear, our shame and regret for mistakes made out of thoughtless actions, these things more often than not hold us back from speaking our mind and moving on to a better future.

            Entering the Audentia’s crew’s quarters, Serius began leading Marcyl down the wide hallway lined with the doors to everyone’s private rooms aboard the airship. The infirmary was beyond the door at the hall’s end, so Serius was going to show her to Mythra’s room before heading there. Though most of the group had claimed a room by now, there were still many rooms left open. Suddenly coming out of one of the supposedly unused rooms, Elzabeth stepped into the hall before them and said, “So she was with you after all.” Surprised to have her appear so suddenly, Marcyl exclaimed, “Elizabeth?!” Serius was unfazed though, and simply said, “Were you looking for Marcyl?” Lifting her glasses slightly with one hand to rub her eyes with the other, Elizabeth replied, “Yes. I’ve heard from Alexander that we’re docking with another airship called the Tentrion soon, and he wants Professor Cortez and I to come aboard.” Setting her glasses back in place neatly and looking over at the door of the room she’d just exited, she added, “My other students are already asleep, and while I worry Marcyl is exhausted after everything as well, I thought I would ask if she wanted to go with me.” Her eyes sparkling with stars for a moment as she thought about exploring an unknown airship, Marcyl came back to her senses as Serius shot her a glance and said, “As chance would have it, I was just showing her to an available room. She seems more than ready for some rest after such an eventful day, isn’t that right Marcyl?” Pretending to be worn out, Marcyl rubbed one eye sleepily and replied, “Uh-huh…” Easily convinced, Elizabeth approached Marcyl with a look of mild concern as she said, “I see, it’s true I’ve asked much of her even after the events at Rusfa Isles…” Embracing Marcyl briefly, who was quickly losing her resolve due to the guilt of deceiving her mother, Elizabeth smiled gently and said, “Get some rest Marcyl, you’ve earned it.”

            As Elizabeth took her leave, Marcyl stared after her with teary eyes, thinking, “Sorry Elizabeth…” Placing a hand on her shoulder, Serius directed her attention to the door with Mythra’s name on it just down the hall and kept his voice low as he said, “It’s just ahead, if you are still resolved. I suggest you approach slowly and quietly though. Mythra’s hearing is exceptional even for a half-halman, the slightest noise might give you away…” Swallowing nervously, Marcyl met his gaze and nodded resolutely. Nodding in return, Serius parted ways with her, heading down the hall to the door of the infirmary and disappearing inside. Setting her sights on Mythra’s room, Marcyl slowly and quietly tiptoed over to the door, kneeling next to it and carefully placing her ear against the gray metal of the door itself. Hearing faint thrashing noises, which unbeknownst to her were the sounds of Mythra pounding a fist against the pillow as she wallowed in her bed, Marcyl then heard Mythra sob, “What am I throwing a fit for at a time like this?! It’s my fault anyways, all of it! What’s he supposed to think after everything I’ve said and done all this time?! Even now, I can’t tell him anything… It’s already too late…”

            Aboard the Audentia’s bridge, Schmitt was bringing the Audentia in for a landing on the Tentrion’s retracting landing pad that was designed to allow a command ship to land and be lowered down into the safety of the Titan Class Carrier’s central hangar. While he was smoothly setting the ship down on the landing pad, Alexander, Patch, and Richter stared out at the Vinculus, watching is in its final moments through the bridge windows. Calculating the time before the self-destruct in her mind as best she could, Patch said, “It should be just a few moments now…” Watching uneasily, Alexander struggled to reassure himself he’d made the right choice, muttering, “All we can do is watch. Hopefully we at least alerted the dragons in time…” Picking up on the lack of confidence in his tone, Fox, who remained seated and refused to watch the self-destruct unfold, looked over at Alexander and said, “If you’re gonna act as a leader here chief, then don’t start half-assing it at the last moment!” Turning to look back at him angrily, Richter shouted, “Fox, enough!”

            Crossing his legs and leaning back in his chair, Fox rested his eyes and calmly said, “It’s not easy to admit, but getting our butts outta dodge back there was probably our only choice. I wasn’t level headed enough to make that choice, but he was, and he made me understand that. Even so…” Opening his eyes to glance over at Alexander, who was looking back over his shoulder at him now in surprise, Fox smirked and added, “I don’t wanna see him doubting himself right after I gave him my confidence. You’re the guy who makes the tough decisions that hotshot of ours can’t make alone, so don’t start losing your edge now, ya hear?!” At that moment, blinding light filled the airspace of the Eye of Chaos as the Vinculus disappeared in a powerful explosion. Both the Tentrion and the Audentia shook from the turbulence caused by the intense blast, but standing firm, Alexander turned his gaze back out to watch the aftermath of the Vinculus’ self destruct as he confidently said, “That goes without saying. As long as we fight together as Angelorum Lux, we must believe in each other. Grey and Amy won’t be finished so easily, no matter what the circumstances. I believe in them.”

            As she was listening at the door of Mythra’s room, the Audentia suddenly shook and Marcyl was thrown against the side of the door, making an audible thump. Slumped against the door, she quickly thought to herself, “What was that? I hope she didn’t hear me…” Her hopes were dashed almost immediately as the door slid open, and Marcyl quickly fell over onto her side as it ceased to support her, landing at the feet of an angry Mythra. Her face red with embarrassment, Mythra stared down at her with her eyes wide in fury as she shouted, “What do you think you’re doing snooping around here?!” Terrified, Marcyl looked up at her nervously as she stammered, “N-no, I…” Quickly Mythra reached down to grab her, and Marcyl let out a surprised yelp as she was dragged into Mythra’s room. Dropping her in the middle of the room, Mythra walked back over to the door and closed it, locking it as well. Struggling up into a sitting position and looking around at the room briefly, a small room with a rickety bed in the corner and a metal desk next to it, a small closet on the opposite side of the room from the bed standing open and empty, Marcyl felt it was clear that the room was rarely used for much, the only sign of Mythra’s belongings present being her magic suitcase lying on the floor beside the bed. Looking up at Mythra as she stormed over to stand in front of her with arms crossed, Marcyl smiled nervously and said, “Yo! What’s up?” Glaring down at her, Mythra replied, “Shut up.”

 

            Starting to sweat nervously, Marcyl went silent. For a while Mythra glared down at her expectantly as Marcyl silently sat there, still smiling. Then with an angry twitch, Mythra suddenly roared, “WELL?! DON’T YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY?!” Marcyl’s smile faltered as she started to tear up, and she nervously squeaked, “B-but you said to shut up…” Clutching her head with one hand, Mythra sighed and muttered, “This girl…!” Staring down at her hands and fidgeting, Marcyl hesitantly said, “I’m really sorry, I just wanted to help…” Raising an eyebrow skeptically, Mythra said, “Wha…? Funny, it seems more like you were just sitting out there eavesdropping on me! Don’t think I’ll forgive you just because Alexander put you up to this!” Shaking her head frantically, Marcyl exclaimed, “No, that’s not it! This was all my idea, really! I felt bad about what happened on the bridge, so I tried to find out why you were angry!” Suddenly realizing that from what she’d heard Mythra saying that she might not really be mad at Alexander, Marcyl braced herself and said, “You know, it sounds like you’re really sad because you feel like there’s something you couldn’t talk about, but I’m sure it’s not too late… You can do it! You can do it for sure, you’re strong, cool, smart, and…” A dark look upon Mythra’s face, Marcyl trailed off as she growled, “So you heard me…?” Swallowing nervously, Marcyl clenched her eyes shut and exclaimed, “And I’ll do anything I can to help, because I wanna be your friend too!”

            Standing over Marcyl staring down at her, Mythra suddenly turned her back to her and mumured, “However strong or cool or smart you think I am, none of that really makes any difference in this situation. Things are really complicated, there’s a lot of… adult matters that you wouldn’t really understand…” Opening her eyes, Marcyl looked up at Mythra, surprised at how quiet and shy she sounded. Struggling to maintain her composure, tears forming in her eyes unknown to Marcyl, Mythra said, “Saying a word about this to Alexander would be one of the most selfish things I could possibly do. I’d already decided to forget it, but when he talks about me and Grey, when he says things like my ‘animosity’ towards him, I… I want to disappear…” Standing up, Marcyl stepped forward and suddenly hugged Mythra from behind. Nearly jumping out of her skin in surprise, Mythra shrieked, “What the…?! W-what are you doing?!” Giggling and grinning to herself merrily, Marcyl said, “I thought you seemed like you could really use a hug.” Halfheartedly trying to pull away from Marcyl as she felt like she was going to break down, Mythra said, “Mind your own business! We’re not friends yet! Besides, I can’t talk to anyone about it, even my closest friends! No one can help me!” Holding onto Mythra with all her strength, Marcyl said, “Sure we can! You were talking about it just fine a second ago! If you want to talk to someone, I’m right here!” Gradually losing the will to struggle, Mythra’s tears began flowing uncontrollably as thought to herself, “This girl… In her own way, she’s just like you isn’t she, Amy…?”

            Entering the crew’s quarters, Alexander and Richter headed for Scott’s room. Noticing Alexander glance over at Mythra’s room as he was working the controls for the door of Scott’s, Richter said, “If you want to check on her Alexander, I’m sure I can manage by myself.” As the door opened, Alexander turned his gaze to the front and walked past him to go inside as he said, “No, she won’t want to see me of all people right now…” Stepping into Scott’s room, Alexander made his way over to where Fenrip was sitting by Scott’s bedside, Scott himself lying unconscious on the bed. Richter came in after him, and as the door closed behind him, he entered the command to lock it. Surprised to see them both, Fenrip turned to Alexander as he approached and said, “Hello Alexander, you should have told me you were coming down. There’s not much to see here though, he’s still unconscious.” Adjusting his shades with a serious expression, Alexander replied, “Yes, I didn’t expect him to be awake, considering I just spoke to you over the intercom to confirm that he was still out cold.” Perplexed, Fenrip looked over at where Richter still stood at the door, almost as though he were guarding it. Then he faced Alexander again and asked in an uneasy tone, “What’s going on Alexander? Something about the way both of you are acting feels strange…”

            Fixing his attention on Scott’s face, Alexander said, “Yes, well… After quite a bit of discussion about how to deal with him, we’ve come to a consensus. Scott was one of Grey’s closest, most trusted friends, someone he depended on and I have no doubt looked up to. After what’s transpired though, it would seem Scott had some slightly more complicated feelings about Grey…” Wondering where this was going, Fenrip listened curiously as Alexander continued, “I cannot deny that he held their friendship dear, but ever since the day they met, Scott seems to have been comparing himself with Grey. While he held no status and was doomed to the limited life of an energist, had no family but his grandmother, and lived off the generosity of acquaintances, Grey was in a position to inherit the entire Greyson estate, had a loving adoptive mother and father, and was well taken care of by them. If one were to only look at it that way, there’s no question it would be reasonable for him to give in to jealousy.” Watching Scott’s face for any changes, Alexander went on to say, “After Grey’s tragic death, it likely was not friendship alone that drove him to avenge Grey, but guilt. Only when Grey was lost forever did he realize the folly of such trifling thoughts.”

            Sure he would see some reaction soon, Alexander continued, “However it seems he did not learn from this. Grey returned as a hero to stand against Altera Veritas, and it was not long before Scott’s admiration led him astray once again. Though he knew of Grey’s suffering, he was blinded by his brilliance, and aspired to be just like him without thought to where the journey might lead. As they say, the grass in not always greener on the other side. Scott was used against his will by evil and has done something he cannot take back no matter how much he wants to, just like Grey. To be just like Grey… I wonder if those words would still be as appealing as they used to be…” Seeing tears pushing their way out of Scott’s closed eyelids and beginning to run down his face, Fenrip was about to say something and nearly jumped out of his chair, but blocking him with his arm, Alexander kept speaking, saying, “Now the question is, can he ever be trusted again? Can we be sure he will remain the man we all know, or will Dr. Nova simply continue to use him against us? If it comes down to this, what would Scott himself decide I wonder?” Pausing and giving Scott the opportunity to speak up, after a few moments Alexander sternly said, “If you plan to lay there forever pretending to be asleep, to give up without even trying to make things right, I really won’t forgive you Scott…” Covering his face with his hands, Scott brought his act to an end, beginning to sob quietly as he turned himself away from Alexander and choked, “I’m sorry…!”

            Pushing Alexander’s arm aside and getting up, Fenrip faced him and said, “Really Alexander, don’t you think he’s suffered enough?!” Turning to face Fenrip as well, Alexander said, “I’m afraid this was necessary. I knew it was taking far too long for the nanomachines to deal with a simple concussion, which meant that either Scott was too ridden with guilt to face us, or Dr. Nova was planning something again. As harsh as it was, this method would only invoke this kind of reaction from Scott. If Dr. Nova heard that discussion, he’d likely assume we no longer trusted him and would either abandon Scott or reveal his true intentions. Whether he’s been released just now or was already free I don’t know, but…” Moving around Fenrip’s chair to get closer to his young friend, Alexander leaned over the side of the bed and placed a hand on Scott’s shoulder as he said, “That last sentence was not part of my plan. Those were my true feelings Scott. I’m sorry for how you’ve suffered, and I wish I could have prevented it, but there is nothing to be gained from wallowing in your despair. If you ever truly desired to be like Grey, then forge ahead, overcome your obstacles, and create your own path.” Sobbing even more, Scott simply kept begging for forgiveness, and unable to take any more, Richter approached the bed in concern and called out, “Matthews, you weren’t at fault to begin with! Come back to us, please!” Releasing Scott’s shoulder after a moment, Alexander turned away and said, “He may need a bit of time, but I have confidence he will Richter. Let’s leave him here with Fenrip for a little longer.” Heading for the exit, as Alexander passed Fenrip, he added, “Watch over him for me.” Fenrip nodded solemnly, and taking one last look at Scott, Richter turned and left with Alexander.

            Stepping back into the hallway of the Audentia’s crew’s quarters, feeling both emotionally and physically drained, Alexander raised his hand up in front of him and stared down at it, remembering how much Scott had been shaking as he thought to himself, “That was even harder than I’d expected. Still, it must have been so much harder for Scott…” Hearing the door close behind him, Alexander gathered himself and turned to face Richter as he said, “Thank you for bearing with me Richter, I know you were against this.” Shaking his head, Richter replied, “I’m the one who failed to think of another way, and I can’t say there weren’t results. However hard this was, we’ve confirmed that Nova is gone and that he still retains his memories. I’d feel better if we could remove those things from him, but if you’re really sure he can’t be controlled again…”

            Taking a moment to consider exactly how to explain, Alexander finally said, “It’s not that it’s impossible, but it should require Scott’s mental state to first be altered by the nanomachines again. Whatever alterations were made to his brain, Nova likely can’t write himself into it if Scott is sound enough of mind to mount a resistance. I presume Dr. Nova unleashed his jealousy by appealing to it, and then he used the nanomachines to amplify it through chemical reactions in the brain, allowing it to overthrow Scott’s reason. It required Scott to have a reasonable amount of trust in him, and it’s safe to assume he also used drugs. While I’m sure he was displeased with having to let Scott go, I doubt he can do anything about it without recreating those conditions.” Relieved, Richter smiled to himself a bit as he muttered, “That’s some small comfort. Once he calms down, perhaps things can finally go back to the way they were…” Knowing from experience that’s not how it works, Alexander quietly said, “Hopefully it won’t be a severe change, but I’m afraid things will never be the same. Not for Scott…”