Not The Opera House

An iconic Aussie structure,

Sydney's Opera House its not.

Not a pleasant place to visit

When you need to plonk your dot.

The construction very basic

It really is quite humble.

Instead of music harmony

A  growling  tummy rumble.

 

We tend to call it many names

And some of them are funny.

There's the one that rhymes with Smit House

And  thunderbox and dunny.

They're quite a distance from the house

Maybe too far, you might think.

But in that searing summer heat

Bloody hell, they really stink!

 

Pre-flight checks are essential

Every seasoned pilot knows.

But there is a need to hurry,

Coz it’s really on the nose.

Is paper hanging on the wall?

Strung  up on old fence wire.

To find its gone a bit too late,

Then your situation dire.

 

Are Tiger snakes down in that hole?

Maybe fallen in the pit.

They could be lurking in the dark

Slithering  amongst the grit.

The final check is to be sure,

No nasty red back spiders.

They'll sneak into a timber split,

They’re clever little hiders.

 

You need to look around the seat

And underneath the lip.

The greatest dread of country lads

A Red Back spider nip.

There's a long time Aussie custom

It’s burned into our soul.

In dunny paper you squish 'em

And drop them down the hole.

 

Dreadful suffering from their bites

Swelling quite incredible.

The horror stories in my mind,

Images indelible.

Some bloke was bitten on the smalls,

They said his name was Sparrow.

To get around he had to wheel,

His tackle in a barrow.

 

One dunny in particular,

It was way worse than the rest.

Even hardened Aussie bushmen

Would struggle to pass it's test.

On a thousand acre sheep farm,

A  way from the shearer's huts.

Deliberately uncomfortable

For those shearers ugly butts.

 

With its seat on quite an angle

The builder a total dope,

As for getting comfortable,

You just had no bloody hope.

Two holes were cut In that bench seat

Its a tandem ride no less.

No way that I could share that place

Surely built to cause distress.

 

At the end the soiled paper,

Never went where it was meant.

It flew up through the other hole

It was much to my torment.

Driven by the whimsical breeze

It danced all about my face

We won't discuss what happened next

That awful place  a big  disgrace.

 

This building made in tougher times

For a tougher breed of men.

If this was life in olden days

Well I'm glad I missed it then

Author's Note

Do you get get kicked out of the WC for toilet humour?

Reviews

[Frieda P]

Hahhaa pretty stinky poetry if you know what I mean? Lol...I meant that in the nicest way of course Keith!

[Keith]

ok, so its just a shithouse poem?

[Frieda P]

Lol more or less ;-D

[shallimarRose]

Lmao... This is an out house you are writing about? yuck... lol
This is very hysterical Keith and I like the style you used.. When I read "plunk your dot" I almost peed I laughed so hard.. You are a card for sure.. and im quite sure its the Ace.. xo Rose

[Keith]

Thank you for reading Rose. Glad you dropped in, err, not lierally here of course.

[shallimarRose]

lmao.. dropped in the out house? Geesh your funny.. xo

[richom]

This is hilarious. What an abrupt shift from an opinion piece about the opera house to the outhouse in the second stanza. I am old enough to remember having outhouses when I was a small boy. And except for the "whimsical breeze," using them was just as you describe. Superb rhyming and flow. in terms of cadence and meter, the best of your poems I've read so far. Few people could have written 60 or so lines about an outhouse as you have. I know I couldn't have done it. Great writing, Keith.

[Keith]

Wow, thanks again Richard. Like yourself, I do love having fun with poetry and creating a giggle when an opportunity presents itself. Dr. wood another with an oversized sense of hum our and a sharp wit.

[wordwarrior]

LOL this made me laugh so hard! The old thunder box is more necessary than any Opera House!! Oh I am so glad I missed those times too!
Again, you made my day reading this!
Awesome! And the imagery...errr...well... vivid?? haha

[Keith]

No, we don't want it too vivid do we? There actually was a 2 seater on that property down near Cressy somewhere, that was about 1965, it freaked me out then, I took a walk with a shovel instead.

[wordwarrior]

LOLOL. Too funny!

[Lydia Shutter]

I am giggling here.....what a delightful look at the way things used to be. A tandem toilet...my goodness! :) I will be smiling for a long time after this read. lydi**

[Keith]

Ah, you have made my day, love to hear someone got a giggle from my yarns. If you get a moment, more Aussie nonsence in 'Nar Nar Goon Pub' and 'Deadly Encounter'. Thank you for reading.

[Tom]

A smashing, entertaining, funny poem, well planned and set out, a joy to read and an education on the realities from a by gone day !

Top poem, pleasure to read & review !

[Keith]

Thanks Tom, glad you got a laught out of that.

[MsJewel]

LOL..toliet humor or not, this poem is a delight. You have a wonderful sense of humor. Thank you for sharing this funny and adorable poem! :) Julie

[Keith]

Thank you Julie, just a bit of fun.

[SoulSplatter]

hahahaha this was a fun read. I do enjoy a bit of toilet humor as I live with two boys who always seem to go there. Thank you for sharing this unique piece!

[Keith]

Thanks SoulSplatter, I appreciate you dropping in.

[Dr. Wood ?]

ha ha...see what you mean....I am even putting on an Aussie accent now whenever I read your stuff....Cheers mate

[Keith]

Thanks again Doc.