Moondance

A piece I did for school that my friends thought was good...

The night is still young
When you bring me home
The joy you have brought me
Keeps me thankful I wasn’t alone

You smile, only the way you can
And I return the favor
Why does this night have to end?
It is one I will forever savor

My hand, now in yours
as we watch the stars shine bright
I want to live this forever,
replay this one night

You close in on me
Your lips, only inches from mine
But in the end, I give in,
Because your love is so divine

Your lips, so soft, so sweet
Touching mine is my ideal world
Now I know I’m in love,
And I’m happy that I’m your girl

By your side is where I want to be
For the rest of my life
I know that someday soon,
I will be your wife

The moon shines brightly
But I’m too deep in a trance
You whisper in my ear,
‘It’s a marvelous night for a moon dance’

Author's Note

Let me know what you think!!

Reviews

[Poeticpiers]

Your rhyming is excellent but there is much more to poetry than rhyming
you pay no attention to meter which makes you poem when read aloud choppy

[Aimee Mahathy]

Oh wow!
This is great!
I know exactly what this poem is talking about. It's almost spooky how dead-on it is. It's all I can never say! I always try to write about how my bf makes me feel, but it's such a futile endeavor cos I always stop cos I feel like I'm just not getting it.
But you? Oh lord, you just penned it so perfectly! The added romance of night and stars and the moon, especially the usage of "moondance"... just makes this piece wonderful.
Amazing job!