Living Without Him

This is chapter one of my story. I've been working on it for awhile, so if its awful... please tell me straight up. Its basically just my description of the perfect guy, abandoning me.

Life is utterly complicated. That's the simple truth. There are uncontrollable ups and downs that cause life to completely change. Supposedly change makes things better, but that is completely false. Change isn't always good, in fact  its rarely good. Change completely and utterly sucks. Boys cause complications, friends leave, family devastates and life destroys. I’m destroyed. I once convinced myself I was once again whole, but I lied.

            There was once a boy I believed had changed life for the better, he made me want to be alive. I believed that he was the one meant for me, but hes now insignificant. He is no longer what I want to talk about, because in life he’s a minority. I understand I probably sound incredibly dreadful, a girl whom owes her entire life to a boy, a story that's been well over-used. I had always hated boy saves girl stories, because in the end the boy always leaves and the girl is still mentally in-powered and feels like she can rule the world. I never had that feeling. I wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball of hatred, depression, and death in the corner of my room and fall into a deep, un-moving sleep. It was my dream, until I met him.

            I hate to be the girl who drones on about boys, because I always have despised those girls with my soul, but he is just, magic. Like, I never comprehended as to why girls obsessed over boys, because I was wrongfully informed all boys were exactly the same, but he is nothing like anyone else. I just want to surround myself with a million thoughts of him, and constantly speak about him to everyone I meet, and yet I still feel like its not enough, because of him I finally understood the meaning of walking on air. He is devastatingly handsome, and I do not use that term lightly. This boy could make an entire room stop in awe just by a sudden sideways smirk. Hes energetic and fun and daring and everything I only wished I could have been, what I wish I could be.  Hes gorgeous, but there's more to him than that, hes this complex Russian doll figure, you just keep removing the top layer yet there's always another doll underneath. A new secret to learn, a new thing to love. God I love him.

            I don't even want to begin to describe the amount in which I love him. Its just this large, unbelievably intoxicating amount that would put any normal person into a coma because the love is just overwhelming. Its hard enough describing someone whom I love for their personality, but describing someone whom is stunning and has an amazing personality. Its impossible. Hes everything I had ever wanted in a person, hes actually more than I've ever wanted in a person.

            Normal girls usually have an imaginary dream guy which they wait patiently for all their life, even when dating other boys. They giggle and flirt knowing they will never actually feel anything more than a slight crush for the boys they are using,  I used to have a dream boy,  a completely imaginary boy I talked to and hung out with in my head, actually, but I have recently noticed, that my part time delusion boy is the complete opposite of what my real boy actually is. So now, my dream boy no longer exists. Only my real boy exists. He is my dream boy, the boy I fall asleep thinking about, the boy I wake up eager to see, the boy I think about on a never-ending basis. Life sucks, but he made me want to live, just so I could think about him.