Moving Out? Suggestions

    It's the second day i'm trying to express my feelings through this journal and I have no idea what to expect. I loved the feedback and support I got from my friends on here about the initial chapter to this installation of my life. Today i'm going to talk about living situations. If you don't know me very well and are reading this, I'm Indian by nationality and have lived in India for almost my entire life. I was born in Mumbai city,the commercial capital of India. It's a huge city in the state of Maharashtra, with such diversity. At the age of two my mother and I moved to Saudi Arabia  to join my dad who was working in Jedha as a manager for BMW. I did my pre school there and it was amazing. I have such fond memories. We had a fancy apartment, fully carpeted and air conditioned, I even had a toy room, yes a room full of toys with a jumping jack, I was a spoiled kid. I remember one day my mom forgot to place my packed lunch in my school bag and I started to cry in class and there were 10th grade girls who came to my rescue and all of them bought me cheetos and stuff. 

   After a year of living there this dream soon came to a crushing end and there was no one to blame for this but my dad even though to this date I know in his mind he blames my mother. I'll go into detail about my dad and life with him in another chapter. So we flew back to India and moved into this amazing house which I apparently grew up in but couldn't remember. I swear the first time I remember seeing my aunt Jenny was when I landed from my flight and she picked us up. She used to work for an airline so I remembered her in her uniform, she looked so beautiful but the uniform was so colorful that I couldn't help but smile. She was chubby and I didn't remember her name so I called her hippobotamus, I was so small I couldn't even pronounce the real thing. She laughed and loved me ever since. Over the years due to family problems we were told to leave that house after my sister was born. So my mom being the only working parent who's worked the same job for 27 years used whatever little money she had and bought a really cute cool studio apartment. Now I've lived in fancy houses my entire life since my grandfather was a pilot and money was never a problem for me whiles growing up. But adjusting to this new change was the most difficult thing to do and you mind find it silly or you might understand but settling into something specially as a kid is hard to do. I remember in the 9th grade I had my first girlfriend, she and me did promotion for a kids television channel and she and I really liked each other. I couldn't ever have the courage to invite her over though cause my house was so small. Even my friends who I went to school with, they've been to the previous place and they knew that I was loaded so I didn't know how to explain this new change to them. Being afraid of them not wanting to hang out with me anymore or treat me differently I resorted to lies which just stacked up over each other. Eventually I got fedup of lying about how we lived or they just figured it out themselves and they were okay with it or never confronted me about it. I once brought a girl who I was dating over to my small place, she broke up with me the next day. Feeling like we were poor was all I felt but my mom and my family had so much pride and wouldn't even help each other out so my feelings were always my own feelings. I somehow grew out of my insecurity and made a group of gaming friends, who would hang out in this small home of mine but would feel like it was there's. Luckily my mother and sister are very chill and they were like part of our group and would always be in on our conversations or jokes. 

    We never moved even though my mom got promotions, somehow this small thing became our own and we were proud of it, living under this roof with two women united me and made me stronger. Would I say it made me more independent, in a way but in a way no as well because we as a unit my sister, mother and I are so dependent on each other, emotionally and in other ways as well. I finished college 3 years ago now I think and I've had jobs on and off but I've never found something I love doing or stuck to something and it's not because i'm not reliable or don't work hard, I excel in what I do but I just haven't found something I like doing. So I have been sitting at home for these three years, playing games, socializing with my friends, enjoying life and also regretting the time i'm wasting. There's a mix of emotions between feeling sorry for myself and bad and laziness and the ability to go out and do something and make something of myself. I want to be something, do something, not depend on my mother like I do now. She keeps telling me to go out and work but she doesn't force me or give me ultimatums at the same time because I know without me she just has my sister and there's only so much of my sister one can stand, heh. Working is something I have to do eventually, i'm already 23 and I need to start having my own security, we have a lot of ancestral property as a family but I never want to rely on that, I want to be strong and hardworking like my mother and achieve a position in life on my own. 

But I don't know how to get out of my lazy slump, how to achieve doing this. People say go apply for jobs but is it really that easy, how do you figure out what you want to do. Do you just do something you don't like doing, collect funds and then do something you love doing? How does the whole process work. My mom has been working for the airlines /shipping / cargo business for 27years that's a long time and I hear about her work and fall asleep, it sounds so utterly boring but for her it's everything. I want to find my everything.

     I'm also not keen on working in my own country, because I want a different life, something not similar to what's around me, i'm tired of the hustle and bustle of my city. I want to be somewhere cold and comfy with a different climate and different people. I want to be around lovely people like you guys that I talk to for hours on here. So I decided I maybe want to move to America. Now this isn't too hard to do besides funds because I have family that lives in California that i'm pretty close too besides are annual fights, heh but yeah if anywhere I could start working that would be the place. I don't know how the job scene is in the states or how I would go about getting a work visa, I haven't looked any of that up but I do know that's what I want to do. I want to leave home, I love my family but i'm sick of living with them I want to be independent, it's about time right? I want to make mistakes of my own and be amazing on my own and meet someone and maybe have them move in and have that awesome loving relationship that a boy my age should experience before it all goes to s**t, heh. So should I leave my mom and sister behind and go for it, how should I go for it, where should I aim at going? Have any of you been independent at a young age and left home? How did you make it on your own, what was your game plan? I have so many questions with no one really I know who can answer them without being judgmental towards my cause of acquiring some sort of freedom. I want to break free and I need to know how. 

Next Chapter of Your Kee, My Journal

Learning how to be Independent

Reviews

[FlatLineBeauty]

I love learning more and more about you every day bud! I personally am on my own and well it's not perfect and not always easy. My situation is different, but the one thing I can say is, before getting to be on my own I had a lot of dreams and I still do. Right now I regret and I hate myself for not sticking to my dreams. I know its not easy, and jobs aren't easy either. I have found myself in jobs I really hate, just until I got where I wanted to be. I think personally you should go for your dream, because sometimes we let them pass us by then we regret not going for them, but also remember there is never an expiration date on dreams. I think your first step would be doing some research about getting a visa and the requirements. Also I can see you love your mom and sister so much and maybe talk to them and ask them their views. It's not easy to leave home at all I will say that and you may get home sick, but maybe they can help support your dream and help you research it and help motivate you.

[Dye]

I usually don't read long stories but for some reason you pulled me in. You have so many questions and things that you are pondering, in my opinion I think this is normal for your age. I believe you are at a place in your life where you should be asking those questions, and you should be looking for answers. The time does go by quick, quicker than you might think. Hindsight is 20/20, at least that what people say, and it is so true. I wish I knew at 23 what I know now. If you have the chance to go after a life adventure, like moving or doing something new. I 100 percent say do it while you can, before you get a career or settle down with a wife. Things like that can make it hard to change later in life. I live in New England on the east coast of the states, I am happy to have all four seasons, live about 30 minutes from Boston, 30 minutes from the ocean and about 1 hour from the mountains. But like you I feel like the grass could be greener somewhere else. I however would not be able to leave my family, like my mother etc. You are still young, I say go- the worse thing that would happen is you end up back home with your family, and from what you say- they seem like great people. As far as work goes, I think very few people love what they do. It is an unfortunate truth. Most people do something that they like but not love, the thing you love is usually a hobby. But even that can become irritating if you do it for work. I really enjoy learning about you and your life, it reminds me of my youth and I still ask myself questions like "what am I doing?". Take care my friend. :)