just an idea I got this afternoon, any feedback appreciated
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Featured Review
You're touched by something higher my friend. This is so perfect, and well written, in feeling, in touch, in element, in story telling, in bringing over the daily news, almost, of how hard life can be, and how real the facts are. You left me reading, feeling, and pausing here many times, an emotional lump in my throat, of beauty, of pureness, I can't describe. Some poets are bringing it over, but you really touch... I'm in awe of your talents, and skill with this one, (a hard one to write about). But this happens in life. I feel you're a invisible journalist of purity, this was utterly fantastic. If you could see my arms right now, they have goosebumps. (happens not often).
Thank you for being the man and poet you are, and for sharing your mind/thoughts, with us all.
I read this for a second time. I don't feel like my review was worthy of your write. I should have wrote...you really pushed the envelope with this. You took us to the "Chicago south-side" you reminded us that sometimes luck can turn its blind eye to some people. I do think there really are people that are truly victims...born at the wrong time...the wrong place....raised with the wrong morals....the lack of choice...at times I can say "it honestly is not their fault." Move away some say...but when you can barely afford to eat...and are living off of crime to turn on the heat...how does one just pack up and walk away....what do you expect them to do? Hitch-hike to Beverly Hills? And I believe that in an attempt to turn his/her life around some will try to correct one wrong with another wrong in hopes that "two wrongs" will eventually produce a right avenue in life. But two lefts will always have you facing backwards..so the outcome is always the reverse of what you want it to be. You have proven yourself to be a masterful writer...so skilled in touching the reader's heart..yet you always have a point to make..and you do this so very creatively.
Wow...I'm not even sure what to say. This was really quite powerful. I could see this being a song or even a short story. There is such mournful beauty in your writing that I feel oppressed in attempting to come up with something to say about it. I'm just going to say...well done.
This peace was wonderfully moving. It did honestly make me tear up. Maybe because I can relate to it personally or because your an excellent writer. It's beyond me as to how you could understand the emotions necessary to make this take effect but you did and so very well I might add.
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
I'm a fan of your writing so for you to appreciate mine is quiet flattering, thank you :)
11 Years Ago
I think you and I are quite on equal terms in regards to our writing :)
11 Years Ago
Indeed we are :D!
11 Years Ago
Care to be friends?
11 Years Ago
Only the best of friends :3 !
11 Years Ago
I think I can manage that :) To the guy living half way across the world from me XD
11 Years Ago
:D Just close your eyes and fly, you'll be outside my door in the blink of an eye. if that doesn't w.. read more:D Just close your eyes and fly, you'll be outside my door in the blink of an eye. if that doesn't work you've run outta dream miles, here use my "imaginary credit card and refill your dreams" Haha I'm more than a thousand miles away but tonight that's okay for we're friends you and I, nothing can stop that, not distance, the sun, moon or the never ending sky. Man i'm so random and goofy.. you'll be like annoyed of me in a day:P
11 Years Ago
Meet me in the land of dreams with all your miles and credit cards and I'll never tire :)
11 Years Ago
You're so giving me piggy back rides though :D and telling me what that mouse whispered in your ear... read moreYou're so giving me piggy back rides though :D and telling me what that mouse whispered in your ear.
11 Years Ago
Mouse being derogatory as it's a rat. I only give piggy back rides to those who can correctly identi.. read moreMouse being derogatory as it's a rat. I only give piggy back rides to those who can correctly identify rodents :P
11 Years Ago
But the hamster in my hollow skull told me it's a mouse. Cheese is cheese and I'm going to bribe you.. read moreBut the hamster in my hollow skull told me it's a mouse. Cheese is cheese and I'm going to bribe you with it :D
11 Years Ago
Suppose I have no need of cheese. This rodent requires much more incentive.
11 Years Ago
Okay you asked for it, pulls a portion of my pant up revealing my sparkling beautiful chicken legs, .. read moreOkay you asked for it, pulls a portion of my pant up revealing my sparkling beautiful chicken legs, Are you impressed? "pulls shirt collar up in cocky confidence" I've got this piggy back saddled up and ready to go yo.
11 Years Ago
Mmm Indeed those are impressive, though your confidence betrays you. Only when I have the promise of.. read moreMmm Indeed those are impressive, though your confidence betrays you. Only when I have the promise of reward for my actions will I be spurred into motion.
11 Years Ago
You can have whatever you want, a waterfall of skittles is at your disposal. :D
You make me w.. read moreYou can have whatever you want, a waterfall of skittles is at your disposal. :D
You make me want to write about fun things in life, like everything nice, sugar, love and spice.. Then I realize you must be a power puff girl in disguise. How did you fool my eyes ?:O I'm on to your plan bubbles.
11 Years Ago
Goodness! how did you know. I suppose I tend to do that though. Ironically though, I get called Bubb.. read moreGoodness! how did you know. I suppose I tend to do that though. Ironically though, I get called Bubbles a lot
11 Years Ago
:O D'aww no way, really? :D And I know cause i'm wrapped around with just a curtain on a high mounta.. read more:O D'aww no way, really? :D And I know cause i'm wrapped around with just a curtain on a high mountain being licked by ugly creatures..Some may call me Oracle others call me Modern Gandhi with better fashion sense but you can call me Fluff Stuff, Or Caramel Buns. My sister calls me stupid, must be Indian for God.
A poetry that makes a reader cry and every mother, whether on the death row or not, remember her child. It has all the pathos, all the sorrow needed in a poem intended on such a subject. Each line moves, flows and the conclusion is bang on. Just the last thought of any mother dying.
This is a superb and masterful rendition. Your talent is awesome.
The details aren't too vague, and I like how your rhyming pattern isn't forced. I can see why this poem is so popular. I feel as though if you ended it with a rhyme it would have been better, though. (Just my opinion). Lovely write, looking forward to more :)
Hey I'm Kee, I'm 32 and work as a journalist in Mumbai, India. I dabble in writing poetry and do it purely to pump out the creative juices in my being. Thank you for stopping by, live, laugh and love .. more..