Beautifully written... "Essence theif I've been robbed/By your beauty..." --great lines. I know you had a specific character in mind while writing this, but it could easily be a metaphor for any beautiful "character" in your life or anyone else's life. The desire is tangible; the desire to be loved, manipulated, taken into the graces of a goddess...but there is a dark side as well. Well presented.
So I have absolutlely no idea what the Leauge of Legends is, or what a nine tailed fox is, but whatever. This was really sexy and I thought it was about a girlfriend or something. It has a bit of innocence to it also, which is a nice element. Good work!
Great job! Even though I don't know anything about the league of legends, this was captivating. Two things (grammar-wise)--I don't know if you were intending for them to be that way: One would be in the line "My hearts beating faster"--> it would be "heart's"
Another that confused me a bit is the last line. Is it meant to be more like "As you, spirit, rush towards me" or "As your spirit rushes towards me"... Just a question...
Other than those two things, awesome! :)
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Haha you should try it out if you're into gaming to kill time :) and Yeah grammar wise your correcti.. read moreHaha you should try it out if you're into gaming to kill time :) and Yeah grammar wise your corrections were spot on, I don't really pay that much attention to grammar as I should. To be honest, let's keep this, hush hush but grammar and I aren't really the best of mates.
O.o Daaaaaaamn. You. Are. Gooooood.
This is soooo creative dude and very well written. Flows great, lovely way with words. It's perfect! :-) You got a creative mind and its a great!!
:D < 3 thank you hun, much love and respect!
(night, it's like 5am :D so i'm off to bed) tried.. read more:D < 3 thank you hun, much love and respect!
(night, it's like 5am :D so i'm off to bed) tried writing a poem but didn't turn out as good as I wanted it so yeah i'm just going to work on it some more tomorrow :D xoxo.
11 Years Ago
you better get to sleep lol and I forgot to say I loved the structure of this and the bold font and .. read moreyou better get to sleep lol and I forgot to say I loved the structure of this and the bold font and the blue and red ... added so much depth to the poem
Goodnight
11 Years Ago
Blue are your eyes, red my favorite color. Hint hint lol. night
I love it great job, great flow, easy to read, enchanting
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Thanks :) send me a RR to any of your work and i'll be sure to read, review and return the kindness
11 Years Ago
ok ill do my best if not just swing by my page and pick one, I try to keep them short lol for attent.. read moreok ill do my best if not just swing by my page and pick one, I try to keep them short lol for attention spans :P
Gorgeous visuals. My son, 27, adores "League"....you should look him up. While ur at it, get this frickin' genius WRITER.....to post in here. Tell him..."Ur MOM said!" You are a magical writer. No prism spared....His name is...Dustin Weyler.^^
masqued_muse
Posted 11 Years Ago
11 Years Ago
Oh i'd totally love to game with him sometime, my in game name would be "bondanime" I'd definitely h.. read moreOh i'd totally love to game with him sometime, my in game name would be "bondanime" I'd definitely have a nice talk with him too and love to read his work. Thank you for the kind review and hopefully our combined effort can get Dustin on here :)
Hey I'm Kee, I'm 32 and work as a journalist in Mumbai, India. I dabble in writing poetry and do it purely to pump out the creative juices in my being. Thank you for stopping by, live, laugh and love .. more..