Equinox

Celestial Path

Day and night tantamount for

I am equinox

Author's Note

Not sure if I got it right, if this is a Haiku or not :P

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

Haiku generally deals with nature; Senryu deals with social issues...call it Nature vs. Nurture ;-) Senryu are sometimes humorous, but not always. The 5, 7, 5 syllable count is desirable, but not a deal-breaker if it's written in English. Now. Go forth and produce more. This is an exceptional first try.

-kimmer

[KeeD]

"bows" Thank you kimmer, I'll give it my best shot and come up with some more soon.

[Bronwen Cox Hollinger]

Well done. Many thoughts in few words.

[KeeD]

haha yea, thank you :)

[Shruti Das]

First attempt, you say? :P
Not bad at all.
Keep it up. :D

[KeeD]

:D Thank you :)

[Frieda P]

Eureka!! ;-)

[KeeD]

haha thanks to all the reviews, and John most of all I finally think its "okay", right?:P haha Oh my god haiku, why you troll me so hard >.>!

[Stonz P.]

Even I've just started with Haiku though I will agree with John, below.
Nevertheless, the thought is what I like.
Keep up :)

[KeeD]

thank you :)

[John Alexander McFadyen]

No the Japanese don't use syllables they use the equivallent of beats and as it stands there are six beats in your first line.

[KeeD]

I'll change it to path, thank you for educating me, I would never have known it was beats, not syllables. This will definitely better my writing. I'm sorry I didn't mean to sound like i disagreed with you I was just wondering if maybe I screwed up the syllable count on celestial, haha.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Too many beats in the first line. Celestial Path might do it Keegan?
Oh and I do believe it is senyru as haiku is far more demanding.

[KeeD]

Just wondering John, first line is suppose to be 5 syllables right? Celestial having 3, crossing 2. I'm not sure what a senyru is, maybe I should have done my research, :D I'll look it up. Thank you for the review, much appreciated.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Syllables or on in haiku

Main article: On (Japanese prosody)

In contrast to English verse typically characterized by meter, Japanese verse counts sound units known as "on" or morae. Traditional haiku consist of 17 on, in three phrases of five, seven and five on respectively. Among contemporary poems teikei (定型 fixed form) haiku continue to use the 5-7-5 pattern while jiyuritsu (自由律 free form) haiku do not.[9] One of the examples below illustrates that traditional haiku masters were not always constrained by the 5-7-5 pattern.

Although the word "on" is sometimes translated as "syllable", one on is counted for a short syllable, two for an elongated vowel, diphthong, or doubled consonant, and one for an "n" at the end of a syllable. Thus, the word "haibun", though counted as two syllables in English, is counted as four on in Japanese (ha-i-bu-n); and the word "on" itself, which English-speakers would view as a single syllable, comprises two on: the short vowel o and the moraic nasal n̩. This is illustrated by the Issa haiku below, which contains 17 on but only 15 syllables. Conversely, some sounds, such as "kyo" (きょ) can be perceived as two syllables in English but are a single on in Japanese.

The word onji (音字; "sound symbol") is sometimes used in referring to Japanese sound units in English[10] although this word is no longer current in Japanese.[11] In Japanese, each on corresponds to a kana character (or sometimes digraph) and hence ji (or "character") is also sometimes used[11] as the count unit.

In 1973, the Haiku Society of America noted that the norm for writers of haiku in English was to use 17 syllables, but they also noted a trend toward shorter haiku.[12]

Some translators of Japanese poetry have noted that about 12 syllables in English approximate the duration of 17 Japanese on.[13]

[KeeD]

Thank you :D I feel like there's so much you can teach me, I'm glad you reviewed my work. Much love and respect. -Kee

[Frieda P]

I like it, but save the other! ;-)

[KeeD]

will do :D ! < 3

[RoxelanasDream]

Simple&Balanced. Its been a while since I last seen a haiku, but always a pleasure. This reminds me of an old-fashioned Japanese haiku with the celestial crossing where sun meets the equator and day and night equal the same span. Old Japanese culture appreciated astronomy and passing seasons. :)

[KeeD]

Exactly what I was going for, I was browsing soundcloud, heard an instrumental track with the title equator, loved the track, decided it would sound perfect as a theme for a haiku. xox thanks for the review.

[RoxelanasDream]

haha. NP. It actually makes me want to write a poem with something to do with astronomy. :)

[KeeD]

Omg I would love to read that, astronomy is so cool I remember watching "How the Universe works" On the History Channel Network, was incredible .. Supernova's .. Big bang... Everything seem'd so fascinating and stellar.

[RoxelanasDream]

Lol. I live on the history channel. But hopefully I can write it by this week. :)

[KeeD]

Looking forward to it xD actually pretty excited about it now :P

[ms. barrie]

beautiful and i agree, i don't give a f_k either. i had to write a haiku for writing class and i was like aarrggh, not fond of rules regarding writing. but this is beautiful and i like the music that you chose to go along with it.

[KeeD]

Thank you, i just edited it, wondering if it fits the rules now lol

[ms. barrie]

um i think it's 5.7.5 but i cannot remember a damn thing these days so i could be wrong