The City of Rust

Corruption, Poverty, Addiction, Treachery, the city breathes all these fumes in very unstable volumes.

The City of Rust

 

Metallic jungle, bronze streets

Liars entwine, heartless sleep

New age zombies of tyranny  

Control this twisted, sadistic society

 

Minerals extracted from the mass

Left the poor to reside in slums of brass

Corrosion slowly takes its grasp

Memories of past fidelity

Destroyed by envoys of perfidy

 

Birth to the magnesium fields

Dealers handing out happy meals

Injected mercury fills the vein

A lethal chemical mix for the insane

 

Addicted to the metallic spree

Savage life of a junkie

Copper filled eyes as the inner cogwheels turn

Slaves to metal, slowly their freedom burns

For in 

the City of Rust, Dreams combust

 

Author's Note

Bored, had an Idea, wrote a poem lol >.< I slack sleep, sorry if it wasn't up to standards. xoxo.

Reviews

[cognitivetatum]

Your poem is HEAVY in more ways than one. Oh the wit!! :)

[KeeD]

haha so well said :P

[Rajkamal]

Your poem gives an impression that you are a great metal fan. It was a fun read throughout except the couplet where you say: "Memories of past fidelity
Destroyed by envoys of perfidy" It touched a part of me which was completely disillusioned by the caustic ethics of the bigger town where I first lived beyond my cosy and warm little hometown.

[KeeD]

For me this is an imaginary town i've created in my head for a story I wanted to write a long time ago, involving drugs and a city full of corruption. thank you for taking it not literally based on your own experiences in big towns but for the artistic value and expression behind the words. Much respect, Kee.

[Samantha ~virginpoet]

I love this that is all I can say

[KeeD]

< 3 thank you so much!

[PP]

A very fine piece indeed..your personification of the materials so base and vestigial as a rich man's way to heaven and the poor's path to misery..is absolutely fantastic!!! Is it Mumbai that you referring to???

[KeeD]

I wouldn't totally narrow it down to mumbai, Leaving room for the reader to imagine whatever messed up place they have in their head. But yeah it could be the corrupt city that I live in today or maybe even a post apocalyptic disaster place :P "wink, wink"

[Bronwen Cox Hollinger]

Beautiful.

[KeeD]

You put a smile on my face :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

this could be lots of cities today...

this is life today---citified, technified, dangerous....what was beautiful has rusted away...

i get very sad when i drive in the country...although beautiful fields, pastures etc...i often see rusted out barns, no longer in use...

certain aspects of life are disappearing...not what it used to be when i was growing up...

this is quite poignant---

and universal regardless of what was behind the writing of it.

jacob

[KeeD]

Thank you for the review and in regards to what you said about it being universal, that's absolutely true.

[Frieda P]

Your boredom produced a fine piece of writing. Tragic and thought provoking.

[KeeD]

Wow what an honor to have you not only, review and like my poem but favorite it as well. Can this day get any better? < 3 you Frieda P .

[Frieda P]

Only if you can produce Aishwarya Rai, she's hot! lol ;-)

[KeeD]

I'm hotter, "winks"

[Frieda P]

HA I bet your are, I have to appreciate the beauty of both sexes.

[Stonz P.]

I've never been to Bombay but have seen the apathy on the television or films(Not referring to Slumdog Millionaire) and don't worry about the standards of the poem, those who know about the situation might even find it a befitting tribute.

P.S.- I hope you did not get offended if I used Bombay instead of Mumbai :P

[KeeD]

Haha not at all, I often call it Bombay myself even thought it might not be "politically correct". A fellow Indian, I must read your work soon and repay the kindness you've shown me through your reviews. Gratitude and appreciation my friend. -Kee

[Stonz P.]

My name is Utkarsh and am most certainly enjoying your work.
Take care.

[ms. barrie]

your use off vivid imagery of the disenchantment surroundings in this city/environments exquisite as well as once again your unique choice of words, capturing them in in in both rhyme and fluidity is truly amazing. a brilliant poem indeed, Mr. Keegan! try to catch up on your zz's, Kee :)

[KeeD]

Rhyme is how I like to write poems :D , some times I get the feeling that maybe I rhyme too much, but that's how I get to the next line and the next line in my poem, because that's the way it flows in my head.. and its the only way I can tell stories. Thank you so much Barrie, I did sleep eventually :D and it was a good sleep :) my body feels much better after that rest.

[ms. barrie]

no i love this, it's a great write. seems i can only write now while listening to music, weird. and the most recent collab. with Adrie, kind of...any brain cells i have haha :) -- glad you are feeling better, Kee!