A Possession (Part 1 of the Elise Solberg Story)

I was in the shower and thinking on how I haven't seen a real scary horror flick in a while and then the idea struck me to write a poem, which also tells a story its divided into several parts.

A Possession.

 

Somewhere behind this eerie house

Lies a well that no one talks about.

The water stale and the vegetation frail

Villagers speak about horrifying tales

On one dark November night

A car broke down, no help in sight.

The family sought shelter in this house

A fire they lit, for the lights were out.

Young Elise, turned 15 in June

Walked towards the back, the storage room.

She found a key that opened a gate,

At the rear end of this house, she had to investigate.

She took a stroll and spotted a well.

She walked towards it, in its charm she fell.

She peered at the water and saw her own reflection

She invited herself to take a swim

Her parents came looking for her

Her Mother, started to  scream with fear

As Elise was drowning in the well

Screaming the words that still gives me chills

Mother, Help me, This is the Gate to Hell.

Her father rushed to grab her hand

Just a human man, no chance did he stand

As he saw the devil in her eyes

He struggled in the  tug o' war for his daughters life.

A devious voice

Said to him,

I dwell within.

I am the barer of sin.

Release your daughter, it's her time.

For a Possession of her soul is rightfully mine.

Author's Note

I'm not the best at grammar and stuff and relatively new to writing poems of this genre. Any help would be appreciated.

Reviews

[Frieda P]

This is by no means my favorite genre but I was enticed, and pleasantly shocked. This is a strong, purposeful write, you led me into the ghastly story and kept the suspense up throughout the entire read. Creepy ending, I guess that's the whole idea....'her soul is rightfully mine' brought chills to my spine. Also, I can't believe you've only been writing for a short period of time, you have a natural talent. Kudos.

[KeeD]

Thank you, i'm glad for chills is what I was looking for :D! I don't know about natural talent, but i'll work real hard to get there! xoxo, thank you for the awesome review.

[Frieda P]

Hey Top Writer's Badge, ya can't be too shabby hon!! ;)

[KeeD]

haha I just realized I got that, thanks to your amazing reviews!

[Luz Marie]

I really liked the rhyme! My rhyme always comes off childish and forced but this was very effortless. I liked it ^_^

[KeeD]

Thank you this was one of my first poems I wrote on this site.. I hope i've matured a lot more through my writings since.

[KAOlmsted]

I got chills. Holy cats...and I am not a real big fan of the horror genre. I think the word you are looking for in the second stanza is "sought" not "sort" and I had to giggle just a bit when you said no one talks about the well, and then in the same stanza you say the villagers all tell horrifying tales. I bet I'm the only one who noticed that, though ;-) I look forward to the rest. Good work, Kee.

[KeeD]

Hahaha yeah Lmao I honestly get caught up in a flow of rhymes sometimes I don't catch these things, well most times :D and You're absolutely right :P that is silly and i'm giggling about it too :P i'll try to figure out a change to it. and yeah sought thank you :) :D Kimmers, you the best!

[KAOlmsted]

I try ;-) *laugh* My pleasure, Kee.

[KatDarkness]

I was amazed at the way you balanced storytelling and rhyming, that was very impressive. I also really loved the way you phrased parts such as "Release you daughter it's her time. For a possession of her soul is rightfully mine." that was awesome! :)

[DoNt LoSe YoUrSeLf]

Oh my god, I love scary movies and stuff! I could picture this whole scene in my head, it's like the perfect eerie setting. I could hear her screaming in my head and the panic as her dad ran over to grab her. The struggle he put up to get his daughter out, but had to let her go.

[kublakhan27]

Wow, this is incredible...I was hooked on this one at verse one...poetry and storytelling don't always mix but you've them together seamlessly here...awesome :)

[KeeD]

oh wow :D I'm so glad you liked it, its part of a series of poems that tells the protagonists horrific tale. part 2 and 3 are uploaded on here as well if you'd like to see how the story continues. Much appreciated, thank you for reviewing, You're aweosme!

[kublakhan27]

It's my pleasure...I will certainly be sure to keep up :)

[Andie]

This was so dark and captivating. I think it is my favorite thing I have read by you. Good job. :)

[KeeD]

oh wow really :D its a 5 part series, part 2 and 3 are uploaded on here as well if you want to see how the story prevails in poetic form

[KeeD]

thank you so much, this review made my day.

[Andie]

Awesome. I will be sure to check them out! ^-^

[Andie]

I'm glad I made you happy. lol :)

[KeeD]

xD so so happy ! xoxo

[Andie]

Yay! That makes me happy! lol!

[An owl on the moon]

There is such a powerful, dark rhythm that just haunts each line... Driving, stunning, stirring words that provoke the deepest vision of pain and loss.

[KeeD]

Thanks so much this was a great review, Just from this review I can tell you're a brilliant mind. I must check out your work and repay the favor. If you liked this write, part two and three are uploaded on here as well. Would be tremendous gratitude towards you if you could review them and give me any advise if I should continue with the series.

[An owl on the moon]

So good to have you here sharing your inspirations, my friend! Will be back for sure...

[Tasha]

Wow, this was very well written and packed lots of fear, especially near the end. Well done.

[KeeD]

thank you :3

[Tasha]

you're welcome :)

[chandlerl]

My only critique would be that you could pack a little more fear and emotional distress into this, otherwise veryyy well done.

[KeeD]

Thank you! i'll look into it see if I can change it up make it more sinister :P

[chandlerl]

gwood...gwoood. XDDD