A Lover's Note - Anniversary

April 4, 2017. It was on a beach.

I was going to write this as a letter and give it to you that night we were fighting real bad. You said you'd burn anything I brought so I figured I'd "give" this to you now. Today is April 4th 2017. Once year ago from today I told you I loved you. You became my girlfriend and today would've been our anniversary. What better place to spend it than this beautiful place. We've struggled so hard, each day was something new to argue about.. It was a continuous cycle of unhappiness. But there were good days too. We wouldn't argue or fight. You wouldn't turn away, we'd laugh and each chips while watching movies. We would cuddle in the dark of my basement. Kissing, hugging and everything else. I remember how you use to look at me when I first started driving. You told me I looked different, taller, more mature I think you said. Those days faded fast and we were on to the next fight.. I use to try and keep track of our fights through the Snapchat streak days. 12 15 23... 64... 128... there were so many. None of them should've happened in the first place. But we are both pretty stubborn. I love you. Babe. Yes, babe. I'm actually sitting at your house as I write this. I wanted to earlier in the week, but the pain was too strong. I hurt bad and couldn't find the strength to do this. But now, as it's 1:27 am on April 2 I have the courage to do so. We have had a lot of problems. So many I don't even want to bother counting.. but our better days always win. The light always shines through the dark. I know this relationship ended terribly and that is all my fault. My big mouth always ruins stuff that matter to me. That's beside the point. I don't want you to remember the hurt or the pain. Memories aren't meant to hurt, please try to focus on the good. We both need to remember the good. I still remember the way you held my hand that very first night. So warm, perfectly intertwined with mine. You had lotion on your hands, I could smell the cherry almond and it soothed me. I'll never forget how we first kissed, we both somehow found the courage at the same moment. Time always froze when our lips were locked. How could I forget the day we walked to smiths and got our ICE drinks.. we held hands and kissed. We went to the baseball field and hid under the dugout as it rained. You were on the phone with your friend and I was just looking at you. "This girl is mine" I thought. When you finally hung up, I took your hand and brought you into the rain, it was cold. I felt you shivering, or maybe it was just me. Then we kissed. Your lips were so warm, I literally couldn't believe it. I grabbed your face and I looked at you. Your cute face looking back at me.. this next one is one of my favorite memories. It was my sisters wedding reception. I don't know how we escaped the chaos but we did. We went through the kitchen to the empty ballroom. I got on my phone and began to play our playlist.. ahhh it was so perfect. I closed my eyes as we danced and imagined our own wedding. All of the happy people supporting our night.. watching us have our first dance as a married couple. I began to tear up, I'm not sure if you noticed because I quickly wiped it away. God, my love for you now is still the same. You always said how I was in the puppy dog stage. Truth is, I don't think love has stages, cause if so, I'm still in that stage. It's all about the person and they're love. We all love differently. But In the end, it's all the same. I love the memories we have so much. Another is when we walked up to Weber with the blankets and just rolled around. Then after we sat on the bleachers for what must've been two hours or more.. we talked about sooo many things. We cried, we listened to some music.. haha then some random kids came up there and so we left. That night seems so long ago. A whole year, that's insane! No wonder that seems so long ago. I do love you, thank you for blessing my life with your wisdom and presence. The pleasure is all mine and it always will be. The countless memories we've shared, the hundreds of pictures we've taken.. the nights spent crying in one another's arms, the kisses and intimate moments we've shared. I don't have a single memory that is better than another. I love them all the same, even the bad ones. And I'll always love you the same. As your little puppy lover, the boy that would do absolutely anything for you, and the person who through anything and everything will always love you. So on this April 4th, hopefully on the beach.. Happy Anniversary. I love you.