A Lover's Note - You Inspire Change

August 4, 2016

Okay.. Well if you have any desire to talk I'll be right by my phone awaiting your call. I love you so very much. I know it may seem redundant but I can't help saying it every chance I get. You make me feel so amazing and I don't deserve it but I'm grateful. I'm grateful for you, someone who makes me want to be better and strive for greater things. That's what relationships are all about. Thank you for every moment leading to this one and all of the pain and hard times that have strengthened me. Thank you for helping me grow. Someone told me yesterday that they were proud of the person I had become since I had last spoken to them. I know and that person knew that it's all because of you. I use to pray that my heart would stop and that I'd never wake up but you helped give me strength and motivation to pray for life rather than death. To be thankful for what I have instead of ungrateful for that which I don't. It's the moments that I sit alone and I wish that I could atleast sit in silence with you on the phone. It's the physical pain and weight on my body I feel when I'm alone that makes me wish I had the weight of you on me. The times I hear the clock ticking and I realize with each persistent tick it's one more second without you. Loneliness is a ghost that haunts me. Chilling my spine and pushing me into the deep pit of sadness and reality. I don't know what love looks like but I know how it feels. It feels like you. I'm scared of what my future holds but the thought that you will be in it is what keeps me going and breathing. Each day I can wake up feeling good because I have the blessing of communicating with you. When I try and fall asleep I can feel my heartbeat inside my head. I feel it resonating throughout my body. Pulsing my blood. I feel my uneven breaths and it scares me. What if it all stopped? That's why I'm very big on not going to sleep upset. I can't let you go to sleep sad or mad. The fear of the end is big for me. I can't leave things on bad terms. My last words every night will always be telling you how much I love you. All I do nowadays is wish. I wish to be with you, to kiss you, to feel loved, to be happy in love, to provide for you, to have a future, to live my last days with you, to fall asleep in our bed, to wake up next to you, to have a life with you. I live in fear of losing you and it motivates me to always be my best for you. I was so empty til I met you, my heart and mind have been filled with so much knowledge. From you I've grown from an immature kid into someone that I want to be forever. Because of you I am proud of who I am.