Perseverance

Now and then I feel I'm glad, 

Walking the streets with joy and smile.

Light bellows in my mind,

As I see the future clear and bright.

The way up there though seems hazy,

Like a heavy snowy path,

But I just have to get through it,

To make my vision not a dream.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

The poet here seems to be expressing faith that a goal will be met, though the way is still uncertain. Certain periods of gladness are encouraging, though nothing is yet guaranteed. The end of the work reveals a determination to stay the course.

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Thank you for your wonderful words, sir.

[barleygirl]

The best part of your poem is the way you contrast the ease & the difficulty of life. I hate to read inspirational poems that only address the good parts, as if we can just overcome the bad parts with ease, mind over matter. What makes "perseverance" an admirable trait is that hard things must be overcome, which you address in V2 . . . especially like "hazy" . . . "heavy snowy path" . . . and in V1, the best phrase is "light bellows". All this well-written, but a little unimaginative, as far as word choices. "I feel I'm glad" -- pretty blah! "with joy and smile" -- ho-hum! These are words that have been used a million times & they've lost their meaning. They don't jump off the page & stay in a readers mind as a memorable thing to say.

I would like to see you craft an extended metaphor in a poem like this. Since "light bellows" is a fresh, dynamic way of expressing "the good stuff" in life . . . I'd like to see you come up with terms in a similar vein for some of these flat spots. Example: you open with "I feel I'm glad" . . . openings should GRAB the reader. This does not grab the reader. If you stay with the "light/dark" metaphor & make it an extended metaphor thru-out your poem, you could express your "gladness" in a way that uses light . . . "I'm bursting with sunbeams!" Later on, in V2, you could stick with the "light/dark" theme instead of switching to "heavy snowy path". Even tho I like that phrase becuz it's some of the most expressive writing in this poem, I would rather see this as a "light/dark" metaphor (called "mixed metaphors" when you don't keep a consistent metaphorical theme thru-out a poem) . . . "stumbling on a hazy path with tar-pitch tendrils" . . . in short, you did a good job expressing yourself in your message, but you seem to have forgotten to play with word choices & craft your metaphors with intention. Sorry if I'm being heavy with corrections, but you seem to be a writer who is hungry for trying ideas & I just want to give you some to work with (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Thank you so much, Margie.
I'm glad you were able to point out my weakness here where I need to strengthen myself up.
If a man doesn't no he's not doing it well and now someone call his attention to his mistakes, I think the man has to look at himself and make a quick adjustment. I'm very curious to know more because I know I knew nothing yet.
Thank you once again for enlightening me.

[Robert Trakofler]

yes yes Kay no need to look back that's generally a slap in the face anywho keep those steps moving forward and those eyes open for the beauty is everywhere the more we look for it and look just how strong those legs have become!!!!

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Wow, thank you so much Robert.
I also strongly agree with your words here.
The more we look it, we'll surely find it.

[Onlyme]

I love your optimistic, upbeat thoughts and feelings. They are beautiful and enlighting towards others. To help them find the guiding light towards life and living it to the max. With a good heart, mind and soul. Thank you for sharing your gifts with us all. Made me smile. and lighten the load of the upset of life in general. bless you. Dawn.

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Thank You, Dawn.
Bless you too for this wonderful, thoughtful and constructive review.
I'm glad it makes you feel that way.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

"light bellows in my mind, as I see the future clear and bright"

this is my favourite, loved your poem, thankyou.

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Thank you, Julie.
I really appreciate that.

[emmajoy]

Somehow, however difficult, forging on in all moods, all weathers, a person learns something about Self. Can be surprising to discover there's more courage and determination inside than believed. Your words really do show that to me and - are an example of how to stride on, whatever. As you write, ' I just have to get through it, - To make my vision not a dream.' Yes!

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Thank you so much Emmajoy for your point of view.
that's amazing.
Y

[Kesch (Finding Julia)]

I like this, especially that last line, This is so very good

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Thank you Kescha, for your wonderful review.

[CD Campbell]

I hope your vision is to continue to write clear, wonderful verse. Those two stanzas say a lot. CD

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Thank you, Campbell.
I really appreciate your thoughtful review.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Strange how many of us struggle to see the glass half full and yet it is a simple cognitive adjustment for some. When we really look and consider the plight of those less fortunate it should help. In these two stanzas you capture firstly the joy of being in life and secondly the struggle to stay in that optimistic frame of mind.

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

Thank you for your insightful review, John.
I really acknowledge your point of view. It's so constructive.

[Neville]

Never mind the odds against us, it is the sods behind us where we leave our mark to remind us where we were but yesterday and hint at where we might be come the morrow.... Never giving up aint easy but let onwards and upwards be our battle cry...... Neville

[Kay Salisu Titilola]

That's awesome, Neville.
Better to keep moving, no matter what. That's the sacrifice that success need.

[Neville]

you are most welcome.. N