Disorder.

Disorder.

A Poem by Kayluh
"

Bleh, I know. I had a poem as my first submission? EW. Haha, give me a chance.

"

She's got some type of disease
The way her lips move just to tease
Out the words
Seductive lies can slither smoother
Than the truth,
Can smother
The truth,
Can suffocate me.
The way she's sick, 
She's got some type of disease.
I can't tear my eyes away
From the rhythm of that infected tongue,
Wet with the virus.
Her mind twisted, afflicted
Breaking through her cat-like iris.
Perhaps I'm diseased too.
In a way
I want a taste
Of her disorder.

© 2009 Kayluh


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Reviews

hmm, a poem about gossip? this was well written and I enjoeyed reading it. gossip runs rampant through high school and you have captured the essence of it quite nicely. I like how you compared it to a disease, because sometimes it really does seem like people have a disease the way the start rumors and spread them. I look foward to reading more of your writing.

Posted 15 Years Ago


Very nice. I love your imagery, very well done. Fav lines:
I can't tear my eyes away
From the rhythm of that infected tongue, .....................love it!
Wet with the virus.
Her mind twisted, afflicted
Breaking through her cat-like iris.

--Alisa_the_fluff_ball


Posted 15 Years Ago


Very cool. I like the idea of comparing lust to a disease that you want to catch.
"Than the truth,
Can smother
The truth,
Can suffocate me."
I like this particularly, it has a musical quality like it's being chanted.
If you want active criticism, I would suggest that you combine the last two lines into one so that it reads fluently.
Good work and keep at it : )

Posted 15 Years Ago



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Added on September 17, 2009

Author

Kayluh
Kayluh

About
In a world where people write without emotion, or with only the emotion of depression, I strive to be unique. I don't limit myself to one genre, one emotion, one character, one mindset. I try to make .. more..

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