Sacrifice

As I step into the light,

 

I never thought it could be so bright.

 

I've been living in the darkness all my life.

 

I feel the blood run down,

 

As I fall to the ground.

 

I scream and yelp,

 

But no one comes to help.

 

I sacrifice to save my life.

 

It's the only place I feel safe.

 

I feel the blood run down as I fall to the ground.

Author's Note

I don't "Love" any of my writing. I do believe I am my toughest critic and I don't know. What do you think?

Reviews

[justjenn_2u]

You have raw talent that grabs the reader's attention right from the start. Your words are full of emotion, yet show so much strength.

This is the first of your work that I have read, and I look forward to reading more.

[Dean]

Haha, "do not love any of my writing" do not doubt yourself or your talent. It was a beautiful piece, heartbreaking and dark. Try working on the rhythm a bit, however that is only a suggestion. I do not believe it is my place to give suggestions, for it's not my writing. All is unique. Great piece, really.

~Dean

[AmeliaRose]

wow
i love it. it sounds like a song, really good flow and all. great job

[Kayleigh]

I think, no... I KNOW I can really relate to this.
I think your a great writer! =]
And I know I love this poem! :]

[Della]

KAYLA!! Tis child from your journalism class. I can't say I quite understand what your getting at with this poem. First off, were you trying to rhyme or not rhyme? Because I saw a little of both in there. Well, I have to say after I read it a few times I KIND of get the feel of the thought you had. To me this poem is a mystery, and I like it. Good job. Oh, and by the way...don't get mad at me, because this is only friendly critique...but...you spelt sacrifice wrong. :[ It doesn't really matter now...but I'm just a grammar freak. :]