Don't Ask.

Don’t ask her how she slept,

She drowned in her dreams years ago.

Sleeping in a bed of wishes:

Stories she thought could be real.

 

Don’t ask her how she felt,

Her last feeling fled when her dream fell apart.

The pain of chasing fantasy

Finally catching up with her real world.

 

Don’t ask her how she tripped,

She was on the ground before she ever knew.

The cold scratches of pavement,

The first embrace in years.

 

Don’t ask her how her life is,

She stopped living years ago

Hiding in the wings

She’d thought would help her fly.

Don't ask her anything,

You're the next in a long line

That promised to stay

But found other places to be.

Author's Note

I still am unsure about my poetry but my last piece seemed to do well, so here's another attempt.

As always, comments are more than welcome.

Reviews

[None]

I know how you feel about poetry, but sometimes it's the only thing that comes. :) I think this is wonderful. I love how it sounds a lot like an obituary of the heart. "Hiding in the wings/She'd though would help her fly." Wow. That's just amazing. You do that numerous times throughout the piece. Where you take something that is a well known image, and then redefine its meaning. This is a riveting, mournfully angry piece. I can't tell you enough how awesome this is. Great work.

[jwesley]

Well this piece should have made you feel a whole lot more secure . . . and I simply loved the last stanza. A wonderful write, my friend.

jimmy

[Aehr]

this is amazing! Very expressive, and the flow was good. The content was beautiful! I can relate to this, totally. You are amazing, Kaya! well done!

Definitely gotta shelve this one!!!

[zainul]

I guess that this is the first poem in WC which withstood so many exhaustive reviews with suggestions to rewrite.
I am happy to conclude to not asking you anything.
The poem is amazing.

[Devons]

Dramatic and impressive in its grave, commanding tone. The lines reverberate like casting a spell; as though a prophetic oracle had carved them into stone. There is a universal appeal in the content and theme, and its clarity and structure are all-embracing. There is no mistaking what is being conveyed, nor the intelligent style with which it has been composed. A human testimony communicated with a natural skill and verve. Rather fine.

[Antonio Valentino]

the last three verses are bril..

waww.. you might better stop being such a non poet.. your talent is trying to spread its own wings too..

very, very nice :)

[Kaya]

You're very sweet to say so. Poetry only pops into my mind every now and again when the right mood hits me.

[Antonio Valentino]

well then you need to turn your head into a pop corn maker.. pop pop poppop pop pop haha

[Kaya]

Haha I DO like popcorn.....

[Antonio Valentino]

haha well then...

hey it might not be too far fetched.. why do you think they call them, ears, of corn lol

[Kaya]

You know, I've not ever considered it... Perhaps so the farmers felt better about talking to themselves.

[Antonio Valentino]

hahah.. you're humor is simply a maize ing lol!

:)

[Kaya]

Haha thats so sad i have to laugh!!! :P

[Antonio Valentino]

that was a little, corny, wasn't it..

;P

[Kaya]

Just a bit... But i guess you got away with it :)

[Shimmerbliss/CAF]

I enjoyed this very much. You have given a twist to phrases that without your ability to spin them anew, would have just been ordinary. In my opinion, you have done that so well and gave me several "aha" moments...I like that!
"Don’t ask her how she tripped,
She was on the ground before she ever knew.
The cold scratches of pavement,
The first embrace in years." this is just wonderful!


"Hiding in the wings
She’d thought would help her fly." so good!

You should be proud.

[Kaya]

Thank you :) I'm glad you enjoyed it!!

[FJ Davis]

Here's the bottom line: You are gifted with great poetic instincts. If you keep writing--and endeavor to learn--your poetry should improve, dramatically. And that will be quite impressive, since it is already at a reasonably high level.
"Don't Ask" is an excellent offering; I thoroughly enjoyed it.
At 18, and with the potential at your disposal, "up" appears to be Kaya's likeliest trend.
Good luck!

[Kaya]

'Here's the bottom line'... I don't think i've heard those words with a positive connotation before today. Coming from someone with your skill at poetry i can't think of a higher compliment :) Thank you.

[Scoxander]

Nicely written, although you should make sure a sentence is done before starting a new one, like for example 'Hiding in the wings - She'd thought would help her fly.' kinda spoils the flow in my opinion, but then again I wouldn't know how to fill it up either. Other than that I like it, good poem.

[Kaya]

Thank you.

[C.A. Lucas]

Wow, this really stunned me. I didn't realize you were so good (I just read your profile and this is my first poem of yours that I read). You really have a gift, don't give it up.
I like the third stanza... (:

[Kaya]

Wow... I feel special now i know just how many you read!!! Thank you!