You wouldn't mind would you??? Part 2

The reverse extreme of writing.

“She sat on a barstool, peering into the opaque liquid in the glass before her.

‘You ok hon?’ She looked up to see the girl on the stool next to her staring at her; worried eyes focused on the tear tracks on her face.

‘I just need to talk to someone, you wouldn’t mind would you???’”

That was easy... you're hooked and it only took four lines of a seemingly mundane and common beginning.

Words on a page, so innocuous, so harmless, surely it’s impossible that they could pose a threat? It’s just a story, just paragraphs of sentences of words. It’s not something real; it can only affect you as much as you let it right? But then again, you’re still here, still reading this, and you won’t stop until I say you can.

Its just a game to me now, it took nothing to change the insignificant groups of letters on a page from something casually interesting, to something threatening. Of course, you probably still think you’re in control and maybe you’re right; maybe the words on this page have no effect on you. 

So stop, prove your point. Give up on finding out where I’m going with all this. I don't mind.

Still here??

I figured you would be. I’m in control right now, from the instant you began reading I was inside your mind, the atypical devil, whispering secrets into your ear. You’ve done it to me before, hooked me with your intricate characters, your twisted plots. I’ve not done anything you haven’t; I’m just not bothering to hide my intent. The same intent I’m sure, that you all have when you write. To get inside someone’s mind, to effect the way they think. That’s all I’ve done here, but somehow this is much more threatening to you.

There’s no need for concern, I can’t make you stand up and set your house on fire… I can’t do anything so drastic, but you’ve given me a lot of control. Me, a figure you know nothing about, who could be dead or alive, but who lives and manipulates in your mind at this minute. Hell, if I do it well enough, I’ll still be inside your mind long after you’ve turned away from the screen.

I’m sorry, do I still scare you? You can leave if you like, put down the page and stop reading, but I think you’re beginning to understand the impulse, I could leave nothing but dots… trailing down the page and you would follow them, you are trapped by your own human curiosity. Through no one’s fault but your own, you are here, and you will stay here until I’m done, because that’s the power of a writer if they write well enough. Not, of course that i assume to be that great... but then again... you're still here.

Still reading??? I thought you might have left by now in pure indignation at my narcissistic assumptions in possessing your mind like this.  

No???

Luckily for you, I’m just a simple soul, taking a break from weaving the webs of kings and queens, lovers and murders and manipulating the lines that link them all together. I’ll only be in your mind for a little while, and then, unless you really like me, you’ll be free to leave me forever.  I’m only ever in your mind for a little while, and I usually make my entrance in a much softer kinder way.

You wouldn't mind would you???

Author's Note

Just like the last story, I've written to an extreme here. I'm not this narcissistic about my work.

Reviews

[DrD]

Okay Kaya, I've read your work and even some of the reviews including the most negative ones. Just remember there are too many idiots in this world. And some accept the burden of proving it. The thing I really, really like about your work is the experimental part of it and you had the courage to pull it off. Everyone writing below me fell for it as much as I did and we loved being tricked, controlled and manipuated. A truly excellent piece of very original work!

[Layla J Omorose]

This was pretty good. and it is really what happens as we read other's work. Because sure enough I kept reading long after you dared me to stop just to see what was going to be said next lol. Good job.

[G!o]

Pretty much a drug to my mind. It's like i was reading this and my mind is telling me. "Don't let her win." but my eyes were like. "Just one more line and then you win." The one more line led me to the last line. This is creativity that slaves the mind of a reader. It is rare to come across such kind of work. I adore the teasing effect of the questions you put to create even more desire to read more. Great piece.

[Kaya]

Thank you so much... Your reviews are always so detailed and useful... i really appreciate it.

[Alicia Beavis]

This is so intriguing and original! A pleasure to read! Nice touch of humour and teasing in there too.

[Allie]

Wow, you know when people tell me to do stuff I tend to do the opposite. This made my heart beat faster and pissed me off because I wanted to stop reading, I wanted to move on to something else just because you told me that I will keep reading. So I kept reading, all the way to the end because of my human curiosity. You have a very brutally honest outlook on writers and you are so right. The fact that you can make me angry just by telling me the truth about myself makes you a fantastic and talented writer. "You wouldn't mind would you" number one is a piece that I printed out to add to the things I read when I need inspiration to write and this one will also be printed out. Just so you know, yes, you will be in my head when I need inspiration.

[Keith]

I laughed so loud!
This is a great piece. It reveals exactly why a great first line in a story is called a hook.
And who said a little narcissism is a bad thing for a writer.

put down the page and stop writing, (should "writing" be "reading"?)

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

Stumbled upon this and I am just amazed. Amazed by such insight of one so - sorry - youth full and at the tone you are able to affect here with such authority and amongst this crowd of artists.

Then there is the write and subject itself. Amazing young one. Absolutely amazing. Cheering crowd behind me!

[Pax]

hahaha, very clever and enjoyed this. Interesting way in narrating as if the reader and the narrator are conversing. nice, well done.

[shawlyn]

Hi Kaya,
You certainly have a talent for twisting things out of wack. Are you doing some psychology units? If you aren't, you should be. The writings very good and your mind is obviously very convoluted. LOL. Great work.
Regards
Shawlyn