You wouldn't mind would you???

Its crazy isn't it? How we're all so quick to judge what is good and bad. Everyones chasing after the same bright star, but we're all too scared to trust that we know where its shining. Or to admit that the people who found it wern't looking for it in the first place. The people that make it anywhere close to the finish line were chasing fireflys. We spend our lives looking for a spark, a flicker, but we don't believe that we'll see it ourselves when it comes. We ask each other for years, do you see it? If I stand like this, if I trade my face, my body, my soul. If I paint a new face every morning, work out until I look like everyone else. If I wear the clothes they wear, walk like they walk, and talk about the same things, day in day out until I want to scream. If I turn myself into your perfect will you see that glimmer?

Well can you? You're reading this, and isn't it just another attempt to verify myself against that invisible bar? There's a comment bar, I'll come here every other day, hoping someone will have said something nice, something that says I'm getting closer to those shining lights. Waiting for your ok, your permission to keep going. As if without that verification I'm nothing. Without your ok on my words, they aren't real. Surely they're however good they are without your confirmation of the fact. But that's not enough for me is it? I mean i'm still here, Logged on and waiting for your comments. But your reading this, you tell me if i'm crazy.

There I go again. Tell me if I'm crazy? I should judge that for myself, or at least have the courage to not care. To chase my star regardless of whether you approve of my aspirations. Not that what I should do matters, you, reading this now, are the most important judge. Is it true for you, when you write, do you feel the same fears, wait for the same recognition. Thats not who you are now, you're the one with the power. The one who, for the moment, will have an impact on how I write, you can rip me apart, or push me higher. Your playing god, and i'm just a puppet.

I'd don't believe there's anyone here who truely doesn't care. Of course we care, that's why we're here isn't it, for feedback, and if we care enough to ask for it, the answer will effect us, no matter how much we can try to deny that it does. Ironic really when its what i'm asking for, to be told I'm terrible, but there are steps i can take to make it better. Its a psudo narcissm, I must love my work, be proud of what I do, and think i'm some level of a good writer, or I wouldn't post it up here. I'd be the first to tell you I'm amatur, that I need a lot of work before i can possibly even be considered a writer. The hypocrasy of the idea leading in to an almost comulsive wait to find out if you approve of me. If you approve of my work.

I guess I'll find out soon enough... You wouldn't mind leaving a comment would you??? Just to let me know if i'm on the right track?

Author's Note

Its fairly safe to say that this is part of one side to a very long power struggle between the reader and the writer. To be honest I don't know what side i fall on, but its a nice thought.

Reviews

[Otsana]

When it comes to my poetry I couldnt have related to this more. I too find myself waiting for other people's praise on something which I should be the determiner of whether it is great or not. However, I am someone who couldnt care less about other peoples opinions in every other subject other than my poetry, so go figure. I would love to say that I believe as many others do, that it will be up to others if your dream of writing comes true because it is others who have to see something special in you, but I can not and I will not. I believe that if you believe in something, see it through and eventually someone else will see it too.
This in my opinion is a great story, you have a talent at putting your thoughts to paper and making your audience feel as strongly about the subject as you seem to, as you can probably tell from this way too long review lol. Anyways, great work!

[MoriartyMesa]

I found this to be an open letter and almost a monologue, the words seem to breath more than the normal reflection and to something a person should listen too.

[Odayin]

I like the unique way of writing, almost likeyou were soaring above the birds eye view that we all see from. I hunk it's great how you can get the feedback you desire by writing pieces like this.
So no; I would love to leave a comment and I definitely think you're on the right track. I can tell because your potential shines through ever piece you write. (hence the reason you're in the potentially great group)
So great job Kaya, keep up the great work. (oh, wait, youalreary have, looks like I'm on my way to part 2)

[Pax]

a well written piece of yours. yes, doubt its always there in the far corners of our minds and hearts, they crept in silence. but i do believed in positive thinking, it helps a lot. i think you do both your a reader and a writer, like everyone does. writing for me takes more skills, so we learned everything we can and there is no such thing as to late to study, still like me, laziness takes over me ;), yet i still do my best for what i enjoyed in doing(writing). wonderful thoughts my friend. well done.

[Shelley Holt-Lowrey]

What a pretty little rant that you have going on in your own brain. Thank you for putting it out here. Actually looking at your profile, I'm surprised at your insight given your age. We all truly DO desire the approval of others. That does not change with age. However what we are willing to do to get it, and the importance of from whom it comes- well that is what evolves. No longer do I dress like 'them', don't even make myself THINK like 'them'. But the intelligent reflection of those whom I respect, well I allow that to have deep meaning for me. Note - I allow. THAT is the beauty of the wisdom which develops with age. So young one... you are right where you are supposed to be. Perhaps even further in that you are beginning to already ask these questions. May you evolve quickly and learn to love yourself fully so "they" no longer matter quite as much.

[Allie]

"The day you accept that your writing is allowed to suck is your first day of being a writer - the day you set yourself free." I can't remember where I got this quote from but it helps me when I am scared that my writing sucks. I really enjoyed your outlook on this topic and this one will definitely make it into my favorites.

[Jay. E. V.]

I wouldn't mind.

[Monica-Antoinetta-Magda..]

hahha you have an addiction to writerscafe (I've said it a thousand times) of course I'll leave a comment...it's great (the short story, not the comment). I think it's one that is easy to read and is funny...so thumbs up! (:

[Taylor H.]

You're reading this, and itsn't it just another attempt ----isn't

i'm getting closer to those shineing lights----I'm and shining

Without your ok on my words, they arn't real. ---aren't

Surely they're however good they are without your comfirmation of the fact---confirmation

To chase my star reguardless of whether you approve of my aspirations---regardless

and theres a lot words that are missing the '

other than that this was very good and interesting to read :) You are very talented

[Craig2591]

Oh sure! Guilt trip me into leaving a review! LOL

But, this is very good! I completely identify with it. You have a way with words. You have a talent for putting your thoughts and feelings into words that makes it a pleasure to read.