Your Utopia

To my best friend.

We seek out misery. You’d disagree with that statement. I know you well enough to know that at least.  You, the perfect one, determined to see that world with as much perfection as you have. Do you see that the rest of us aren’t like you, so turned on with our optimism? I’m yet to see you in a situation you don’t think you could turn around. I’m not like you, my optimism is less crystal clear, a cloudy day at best.

You don’t see the world around you as you race to your Utopia, trying futilely to drag me with you. The closer I get to it, the more I need to run. Feel the wind under my feet as I escape, pounding the pavement with my heartbeat. Running is closure, at least as far as I can run. You know running’s an escape. You don’t even chase me anymore, you're waiting when my breath gives out; waiting to lead me back to the sun.

Of course the sun burns. I don’t think you ever really notice it. Your warmth alone is enough to set me on fire, to light up the shadows in my eyes and start eating away at them. You’re always so happy to see one fade out. The shadows are there for a reason though, even if it’s one you might not recognise. No. Not you, when have you ever been broken, people treat you as delicately as the glass you are. That’s what it means I’ve decided, to have a glass heart. I used to think it meant a heart so fragile that it had to be handled with absolute care. Looking at you says otherwise. Your heart is so transparent. I can see the love, the fear, the pure goodness. You’re a long way from perfect, but you never hide it.

I guess that’s what makes you so much stronger than me. Who’d play football with a heart made of glass? Of course they treat you as precious, you are. A heart made of rubber can’t get hurt though, so why not have some fun. Of course you think I should drop my steel cover. You’ve been left, abandoned on benches, but you’ve never been kicked.

You’re the giver, even to someone like me, who can’t do anything more than take. You claim to see something I can’t and you keep giving to the mafia, waiting for them to donate it all to charity. I have no charity. I’m steel and ice, and when you start warming me up I melt. Maybe you’re right, maybe underneath the ice my heart is a beautiful as yours, but I don’t wanna take that chance.

You don’t understand, but your not like me. You don’t look at news and see the people fighting and killing to make the world see them. You don’t see us break our own hearts so that we have a chance of someone coming to heal us. You don’t hear our gossip as we try to make ourselves more important than we are, as we try to make ourselves you. To be honest I don’t know what you see.

We all want to live in your world, so we seek out misery, trying to find someone who care enough to reach down and give us hope. I just didn’t know that you would see me. I’m used to the other broken souls, who do what they can then move on, trying to find someone who can push them higher than I could. You’re not broken, your perfect.  But if you keep trying…

Picture an angel, I know you say you can… Just picture being the person that casts a shadow on that purity. Turning their wings into a charcoal black. Pulling out feathers and ripping at their hair. You say you're fine but I’m starting to see shadows and I can’t, I won’t do that to you.

You need to stop trying, to stop chasing me. I need you more than ever, I need your support, but I can’t keep taking it from you, it hurts too much to see you fading too. You're still pulling me towards your utopia but I can’t see it. I can see the misery though, and no matter how much it hurts its safe, so I won’t stop running.

Reviews

[Blue Ivory]

This story brought tears to my eyes! I'm very close to my best friend too, so I know exactly what you are talking about. Except I'm more like the person you've described and I guess she's more like you. So this was all the more touching to me. I really don't know what more to say, because I'm speechless. This is a very beautiful piece. I actually shared it on my best friend's profile.

[Margarette]

Ah, what a lovely piece! I love this story. I can really relate to it but I don't think I have someone with me that's oh-so-perfect. haha:D
Your metaphors are so full of wisdom and understanding of the reality around here. I love to read more of this.

[Kaya]

Thanks :) Grammer is kindof my major failing. Glad you liked it though :D

This is beautiful. I love your use of metaphor, and of the second person narrative.

There are a few small errors: You used "your" a few times where it should say "you're." (You're not broken, you're perfect) (You say you're fine) (You're still pulling towards your utopia)
"charchoel" is spelled "charcoal."
"not matter" in the last sentence should be "no matter."
Also, there were a couple of times you used a comma where it would be better as two sentences. (You’d disagree with that statement. I know you well enough to know that at least.) (Of course the sun burns. I don’t think you ever really notice it.)

The subject matter, however, is perfect. Loved it!