Your Utopia

To my best friend.

We seek out misery. You’d disagree with that statement. I know you well enough to know that at least.  You, the perfect one, determined to see that world with as much perfection as you have. Do you see that the rest of us aren’t like you, so turned on with our optimism? I’m yet to see you in a situation you don’t think you could turn around. I’m not like you, my optimism is less crystal clear, a cloudy day at best.

You don’t see the world around you as you race to your Utopia, trying futilely to drag me with you. The closer I get to it, the more I need to run. Feel the wind under my feet as I escape, pounding the pavement with my heartbeat. Running is closure, at least as far as I can run. You know running’s an escape. You don’t even chase me anymore, you're waiting when my breath gives out; waiting to lead me back to the sun.

Of course the sun burns. I don’t think you ever really notice it. Your warmth alone is enough to set me on fire, to light up the shadows in my eyes and start eating away at them. You’re always so happy to see one fade out. The shadows are there for a reason though, even if it’s one you might not recognise. No. Not you, when have you ever been broken, people treat you as delicately as the glass you are. That’s what it means I’ve decided, to have a glass heart. I used to think it meant a heart so fragile that it had to be handled with absolute care. Looking at you says otherwise. Your heart is so transparent. I can see the love, the fear, the pure goodness. You’re a long way from perfect, but you never hide it.

I guess that’s what makes you so much stronger than me. Who’d play football with a heart made of glass? Of course they treat you as precious, you are. A heart made of rubber can’t get hurt though, so why not have some fun. Of course you think I should drop my steel cover. You’ve been left, abandoned on benches, but you’ve never been kicked.

You’re the giver, even to someone like me, who can’t do anything more than take. You claim to see something I can’t and you keep giving to the mafia, waiting for them to donate it all to charity. I have no charity. I’m steel and ice, and when you start warming me up I melt. Maybe you’re right, maybe underneath the ice my heart is a beautiful as yours, but I don’t wanna take that chance.

You don’t understand, but your not like me. You don’t look at news and see the people fighting and killing to make the world see them. You don’t see us break our own hearts so that we have a chance of someone coming to heal us. You don’t hear our gossip as we try to make ourselves more important than we are, as we try to make ourselves you. To be honest I don’t know what you see.

We all want to live in your world, so we seek out misery, trying to find someone who care enough to reach down and give us hope. I just didn’t know that you would see me. I’m used to the other broken souls, who do what they can then move on, trying to find someone who can push them higher than I could. You’re not broken, your perfect.  But if you keep trying…

Picture an angel, I know you say you can… Just picture being the person that casts a shadow on that purity. Turning their wings into a charcoal black. Pulling out feathers and ripping at their hair. You say you're fine but I’m starting to see shadows and I can’t, I won’t do that to you.

You need to stop trying, to stop chasing me. I need you more than ever, I need your support, but I can’t keep taking it from you, it hurts too much to see you fading too. You're still pulling me towards your utopia but I can’t see it. I can see the misery though, and no matter how much it hurts its safe, so I won’t stop running.

Reviews

[Blue Ivory]

This story brought tears to my eyes! I'm very close to my best friend too, so I know exactly what you are talking about. Except I'm more like the person you've described and I guess she's more like you. So this was all the more touching to me. I really don't know what more to say, because I'm speechless. This is a very beautiful piece. I actually shared it on my best friend's profile.

[Faith]

This is beautifully written! Reminds me of poetry. Misery loves company they say, and it's true. I loved this Kaya!

[MoriartyMesa]

The reader can be taken by the neck and shaken around and than can see where things may go wrong with people in their lives.


Nice job.

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good story. I like the conversation and the strong description. The good ending made the poem complete. Utopia is different for the each of us. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[reflectingus]

Wow, I had goosebumps as I read this. That feeling of hope as someone leads you in your life, a pessimistic person meets someone who chases utopia without the fear of all the atrocities in life, in contrast with someone who has managed to see the dark side as well, and molded a tough heart with all the experience. Certainly, I can deeply relate to these feelings, how we just seek refuge in people who see the good in us, when we find someone whom we can rely on, we run to them with full speed, and they guide us to that destination we're all determined to reach. Powerful imagery, though I kind of do agree with others, this already-amazing piece would be further totally amazing if it were in first person, there's just so much more you can add. Either ways, this is also a good effect, certainly something new, as if you were trying to explain yourself to someone, and ofcourse, succeeded. Loved.

[Odayin]

This seems like a large bundle of emotion was just released and it spilled itself onto paper in the form of black ink as it shaped itself into words. You can really see the emotion behind this, and that's what made it great. Whether this is from your own experience or not, I really thought you displayed everything beautifully and descriptively and used the 2nd person perspective very nicely.
Quite impressive, very nice writing indeed:)

[Nyx]

I do like how this is written in the second person. However, the use of the second person narrative doesn't exactly evoke that certain response where the reader feels like he/she is the one being spoken to which is one important way of determining the effectiveness of the technique. But then again, the detachment of the reader from the text makes way for more observation and closer reading. Thus, the intimacy of the persona with the 'you' of the story is emphasized.

The imagery is a little bit generic (at least for the title). The very fact that the piece is centered on the metaphor of a utopia should encourage a richer and more flamboyant illustration so that, in this case, the contrast between the world of the persona and the world of 'you' will be given greater emphasis.

But I'd say the metaphor and the subject matter is great! It just lacks illustration and detail. And casting the few grammatical errors aside, the piece pretty good and well written, and definitely worth reading! :)

[Craig2591]

Very poetic! Your writing is a delight to read. Really! I'm not just being nice.

[Shred]

This is deep, I can definitely relate to it. Keep scribbling ms Kaya.

[Monica-Antoinetta-Magda..]

This is amazing, there’s a clear and clever use of metaphors and symbols that really makes the reader think. You’ve taken full advantage of the potential splendour that the ‘second person’ narrative style can bring to a story.