With Him

My Ex.

When I was with him, I wanted to be perfect. Not for myself, I’ve always been happy with who I am. Some part of me just always told me he deserved more. When I was with him, it was all about keeping him happy. Constantly worrying about how he felt, how it would effect me, if there was something I could do better, silly things like that. I guess the problem is, he never seemed to do the same. I’m not saying that in relationships, everything has to be an even give or take. That both people should be perfect. But when I was with him, I gave it my best shot.

When I was with him, what people thought about me didn’t matter as long as he was thinking I was ok. If he disliked my shoes, or my clothes, I never wore them in front of him again. It didn’t change the fact that when he left people’s thoughts meant just as much, but with him, he was the only thing that could shine.

When I was with him, my biggest problem was losing him. No matter what else happened in my life, he found a way to turn it around to reflect on him. To be about what I was doing wrong and what I should change. He never said any of this out loud of course, but it was there. The expectation that I could rise above and be what he needed. No matter what I needed that day.

When I was with him, I was happy, i’ll be the first to admit that. When I broke up with him, I broke my own heart, but i’ll never say that I broke it in half. I helped it break out of the shadows he’d locked me in. I can’t take away a lot of things. He will always be my first boyfriend, and my first kiss, and for that, i’ll probably remember him for a very long time. The difference is, that no matter if it got scratched just a tiny bit, I’ll never feel the need to give my heart away. 

When I was with him, I learned that someone who truly deserves my heart, won’t need to take it from me, or even make me give it. He’ll just keep his heart close to mine and let them share love without trading themselves. Love isn’t about trading hearts, its about letting yours warm someone else’s for as long as it feels right, and  later, when it doesn’t, its about letting go.

Author's Note

I know this is just a bit common, but it was just what i needed after my breakup. Please comment :) Thanks in advance

(thanks to Stevie for the pic)

Reviews

[Devons]

Although this is indeed an old and "common" subject, this is a very mature, wise, philosophical, and insightfully intelligent appraisal. A lot of thought and understanding has gone into making this an objective rather than subjective musing. So often do people write emotionally/personally and even vindictively about such matters and they are unable or unwilling to stand back from the situation and weigh-up the pros and cons. You have achieved a fine balance here which enables the reader to interpret the writing both emotionally and intellectually. A rare feat.

[Taylor H.]

I really enjoyed this. I think this advice all girls should know

[Mackenzie Brooke]

This is really a cool short story. You describe how you felt very well and in a way that I could relate to it and find connections in my own everyday life, which is something I look for when I'm reading.
Over all very nice job.

[Odayin]

This is really nice. I liked the repetition. But more importantly, I like the feelings you shared. This seemed really honest and just a way to let your feelings out in a beautiful way. I hope things have turned up for you!

[MoriartyMesa]

Ever go to a bar and see a bar tender breath fire? Well the flash point is very intense, always danger of the blow back but someone who is clever knows this. Just as clever knowing hearts aren't traded or improved, they are drinks, hot, cold and some times fire breathing. But flames are sometimes needed.

[Kaya]

Thank you Sndp,
I actually did consider including the breakup. I ended up leaving it out because in the breakup this story is based on, the guy wrote her a love letter then left her for one of her close friends. It made a good story but sounded a bit cliche, despite the fact that it happened.

I'm glad you enjoyed it!! :D

[The Silent Butterfly]

I really like this. I just got out of a relationship, and I've decided that I'm done with him, and it's been really hard, but reading this helped so much. This is good.