To Live Like This Is A Death Sentence

nothing sticks, nothing stays.
a revolving door mindset.
oil-slick grip with a twitchy trigger finger.
I never finish what I start,
a pothole always bucks me off the wagon,
left with retrograde amnesia
and a smattering of bruises.

I dont know where I am
but I never wanted to be here.
you tried to tell me that
every f a l l from stability is not
as low
as the one before-
i may not be crashing
to depths lurking below sea level,
but every starting point
climbs in altitude
until the mist is clinging to my lashes
and there are no second glances
to see if I’m still secured to the rigging.

no matter the height
terra firma
hurts all the same.

‘you can only break a bone
so many times
before there’s nothing left to heal,’
I cried into the sky-
you laughed and said
there’s always a metal plate,
some rods,
a few screws.

well how do you reconstruct a soul?
have they learned to defragment
the central nervous system?
they won’t transplant my seizing heart
no matter how many times it
stops
and shudders.

my body has never worked as it should.
instead of building up
layers of scar tissue,
to form a pearl of wisdom
I would someday cherish,
I’m wasting away.

every low that consumes me is a pumice stone
that sloughs off my resolve.

I am emerald fragments of glass,
slowly eroding
with the ebb and flow of the tide.
my luster has faded.
I’ve lost the sharp edge
that once kept the world at safe distance.
now it’s within, mincing up my innards.

I keep breaking the surface
but the allegorical hand continues
to shove me back under
with the expectation that I sprout gills
in order to survive.

now I’m scouring my existence
for a substitute of oxygen.
any pillow-soft white cloud of haze
to dull me up and numb me out.

where do I go from here?
I’ve fractured every finger
while clawing my way out.
my throat is bloodied raw,
screaming for the deaf to turn around.
every inhalation
fills my lungs like molten lead
and the weight of something hollow
fills the space inside my head.

I was never coal, like I’ve been told.
you’ll never find
the glimmer of diamonds left
where I once stood.
my heart can’t take the heat
that ignites my spine and
engulfs my head
always smoldering
I’m choking on the ash that floats
lazily in the atmosphere
feather-light like a whisper
trailing from the slippery lips
of the monster beneath my bed
beckoning me down
with vows of sweet release.

and dear lord, I need release.

Reviews

[bubblefet]

very descriptive and flowed nice liked how the ***** were portrayed

[A Glow in the Pit of My Soul]

Thank you! I'm not sure what the asterisks are in your comment, but I'm glad you liked my portrayal of whatever it was! Hahaha