Knowledge of Hell

I recall the days back then, 

More fondly than they were, 

Time makes memories golden,

Brighter than they deserve. 

It was hell, of that I'm sure,

But a hell I understood. 

Hell wrapped up in knowledge, 

Hurts much less than unknown hell does. 

I knew exactly when and how, 

They would choose to play, 

And if I looked to get them punished, 

I knew what they would say.

It was easier to take their words and actions, 

And move on with things,

Than to tell someone what they'd done,

And face the looks it would bring. 

I'm still scared of a lot in life, 

But there's no longer one clear perp.  

I miss the focus of who to avoid, 

It was honestly a lot less work.

Now I hold myself together,

Waiting for hell to take shape. 

Always on guard, ready not to care,

I just sit, and wait.