Searching

I don't really know where to look to find you.

Sometimes I think "ah, she'll turn up in the mirror"

or that you'll be standing in my shadow,

but you've been eluding me cautiously.

The other night, I searched through a forest of thoughts,

climbed up sycamores of memories and pressed my hand

above my brow, scanning the horizon.

Bitter blackbirds cawed loudly and turned their backs,

soaring vertically into the sky until I craned my neck so far

that I fell - and bled.

I dragged my feet into the garden of dreams to search further,

tiptoeing between butterflies of old fears and regrets,

and stepped on a patch of thorns.

Wherever you're hidden, you must've shoveled below graves

or beneath octopus caverns where I cannot go,

perfectly buried in black.

It seems I've really lost myself.

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

This was a powerful and wonderful write. The intensity of the desire is palpable. The search for self is often derailed in our devotion to the needs of others. Many times I've cooked and served food and simply forgotten to eat anything for myself. But I know I would feel empty if I didn't feel needed. I'd just have to try to fill the gap with plants or animals to care for. I admire the quality of your work. Bless, F.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

another image packed piece of writing...wonderful allegory of a search for self...
the fifth stanza with "butterflies of old fears and regrets"
wonderful metaphor used there.

and i heard Ringo singing with the "Octopus caverns"---
j.

[Pete]

a difficult, fruitless search. there must have really been something there to go through all of that longing. it's tough to let go. can feel the sad emotional hurt ... :)

[Kay]

Thank you for commenting, it's always very rewarding for me to hear when a person can really feel the emotion from my poem. =) Is your profile photo from Ironclad btw? Awesome film!

[Bryad Polis Valentino]

This is the best I've read all day. I hope others could appreciate your talent. I read it three times and didn't understand a thing! We don't use poetry for others to understand our emotions! If that is the case, you are indeed a master! Bravo!

[Kay]

Thank you Bryad! I really appreciate your compliments. =) Lol, since you read it three times I'd be happy to explain.. The poem separates "you" and "yourself" into two entities, where the speaker is looking for herself but has utterly lost her.

[Bryad Polis Valentino]

I'll spare my sarcasm as I'm involved with a complex magickal ritual at this moment.

I wanted to understand it, I really did. Your talent is there with your mastery of the English language, as as I can see in your comment.

Love, Blessings,

-"Baal" Bryan

[Bryad Polis Valentino]

Two as? It's been a long day. Gl my friend.