In the Center of the Crowd

In the center of the crowd, there is still loneliness.

The spotlight is cold and unfeeling;

the caged demons poke their fingers along the frosted edges.

Everyone is smiling sheepishly, but there’s a deep, hollow sorrow.

A well has been unlidded and discovered to be utterly soulless.

I can see it in the back of my mind, while the music plays;

‘What A Wonderful World’ sounds slower, darker.

My shoes are on the floor, I’m sure, but the floor is tilting.

I can hear myself laughing, see their teeth mirror mine,

but there’s no match of consciousness;

I’m really swimming somewhere, in black, black waters.

There’s thorny bushes of seaweed and jagged, knife-like coral;

you could slice wrists with those things.

At first, I find myself nearing a thick, foggy wave,

but after drawing closer I see my silhouette through it;

I’m hunched over, crawled into a fetal state,

whispering about transcendent regrets that linger like a foul taste.

I call out to it, but water is beginning to fill my mouth;

there’s no reassurance to offer in the choking echo of my failure.

I just need to hold the hand of that pitiful reflection,

carry it back to the surface close beside me and revive it;

but my body is knocked slightly and my eyes quickly flutter.

I see the crowd again, hear a clamor of voices speaking to me.

Amidst all the visuals and noise, I’m most unpleasantly aware

of the isolated beating inside: thump-thump, thump-thump,

thump-thump.

Reviews

[Lorry]

I avoid crowds these days, but completely relate to the feeling of being alone in a crowd, detached from the enjoyment everyone else gives over to. I sympathise with anyone going through this, but sadly have no answers to offer.
Your words resonate with understanding, that I hope you find comfort in, that it will help others going through this that there are those who understand.

[Kay]

Thank you for your review! I agree, it seems many people feel this way - a sense of loneliness inside even when we're surrounded by others. We may not experience it at every social occasion of course - but during moments when the sensation does rise, it creeps up intensely.