A Fake Smile For You

Yes, I faked that smile.

I knew you couldn’t tell,

so I went on flashing my teeth

and digging up those dimples

hiding at the corner of my lips.

I was proud to fool you,

to make you believe everything was ok

when my world was crashing down

heavily upon my rounding shoulders.

I showed you the silver lining in the sky,

gave you hope, helped you stand

while I fell deeper and deeper

into the chasm of my wardrobe,

my back pressed against the shredded wall;

I cannot recall how many times I sighed

in between tears.

Days melted and moved in slow streams

as thick honey down steep slopes

or the strong syrup purging from their

trenches in maple trees

retreating into the gleam of the sun.

I recall the laughter from the moss below

my dirty feet, but it was you,

it was you expressing amusement I simply

couldn’t understand;

your feet lifting, your body floating, your skin glowing,

but I hushed my jealousy,

merely watching because this is what I wanted

for you - happiness.

You shook my arms, squeezed my hands, and pulled

me up to your face as you drifted on a cloud,

and as you looked in my eyes I saw you asking

for me to follow, but my body ached and I

couldn’t budge.

Your brows furrowed, your worry came,

oh, but I smiled, yes I did, and it was fake,

but I knew you couldn’t tell

skipping away, completely fooled, merriment

flooding your soul, as I lingered far behind

lost in dismay,

hushing, hushing my jealousy.