Excerpt from "Castlevania Meets the Carnival From Hell"

Just a brief excerpt from a story I'm working on. Not too serious with it; just having fun writing passages here and there... I believe a brief setup will help. The moon was falling, and the character, Haven, stops it (excuse the vagueness). Karl is ne

 

 

 

 

        “What’s in that bottle?” Karl asked as Haven walked up. As if on cue, a gravelly moan radiated from the bottle.

        “Hey! That’s what you get for talking back!” She replied to the bottle.

        “Wait…” Karl started dumbfound, “Is that…?”

        “Yeah, I have his soul trapped in a bottle!” Haven replied too cheerily. The moon... had a soul. Karl had been wondering where the moon had went, but Haven was punishing the moon like a five year old sent to his room for breaking a vase.

        “He has to learn to be nice and not threaten to eradicate earth over petty arguments.” Haven lectured. “Once he apologizes and learns his lesson, I’ll let him out.”

        Ok, now Karl had seen it all. After this, nothing could faze him, he promised himself.

        “I hope it’s soon because it’s really dark out there… and scary.” Then with longing, “I miss the moon.” Another mournful moan escaped from the bottle. Listening, Haven began smiling and finally took the bottle down with an affectionate smile.

        “Ohhh alright. How can I stay mad at you?” Haven said taking the bottle to the window. “Off ya go, kiddo. And stay out of trouble this time!” Another moan and Haven opened the bottle.

        Karl strode up and watched in amazement as a misty, coiling luminescent line spiraled its way up to the sky. He watched it for a good while unit there was a final, brilliant flash, and suddenly the moon was back in the sky, just a little brighter than last time.

        Ok, now Karl had seen it all… he was sure of it this time.

 

Reviews

[soneutral]

This was a nice read mostly because we never think about things like the moon having a soul or it being able to be captured. Even though you didn't really explain the characters I got a fair understanding of who they were and what they would do in certain situations. I think the word 'gone' would be better than 'went' in "Karl had been wondering where the moon had went."
Good job and I hope you've continued the story!