Me 4 U and U 4 Me

The story involves an interracial couple who is struggling with the acceptance of the significant other's family and culture. They are coping with barriers that may tear them apart.

 

I never would have imagined myself lying here and feeling like this over a man. Before all of this crazy stuff started happening, I always believed that I was a strong woman. Well, I was a strong woman before I lost my other half of me. Now, I am just a weak soul, wasting away my days with nothing to live for. Ji Yeon was my life; he made me want to be that perfect girl. He came in my life and shaped and molded me for the better and here I am falling completely apart. 

One month ago Ji Yeon and I got into this argument because I was desperate to know if his feelings for me were true. I should have believed him, I don’t know why or how I had been possessed by sudden curiosities and insecurities. Now that I think about it, after all we’ve been through together and for how long we’ve been together, how could they not be true? I remember the incident so clearly. We were both in the kitchen, I was sitting on the counter and he was studying for an exam he had the next day, he was feeling stressed from all of the work he had been putting in anyway.

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“Do you ever feel ashamed of me when I am with you around your family?” I asked him out of the blue.

“No, why would I feel that way and where is all this coming from?” Ji Yeon replied back to me in a casual tone with a puzzled facial expression.

“Because sometimes I feel that you are embarrassed to bring me around your family because I’m Black and I know how many people like your family would feel about me,” I confessed to him.

“Lela, can’t you see that I’m doing something right now?” he asked.

“I’m talking to you about something I feel is important, tell me how you feel about me and be honest with me, are you ashamed to be seen with me or not?” I asked him as if I were pushing to get an answer out of him.

“I already told you that I am not ashamed of you, I love you and if I didn’t then maybe it would be another story. I am not going to lie to you, I’ve never lied to you before. So when I say I love you, I mean it and what my family has to say about our relationship doesn’t mean a damn thing,” he said appearing obviously irritated.

“Well, how does your family feel about me?” I asked him.

He sighed and asked, “You really wanna know how they feel about me dating you?”

“Yes, I really wanna know,” I asked determined.

“My family really isn’t comfortable with me dating you. Actually they would prefer me to date a Korean girl, they have their assumptions and judgments about you, but I always prove them otherwise. Even though I am not with whom they would like me to be, they still respect my decision to be with you. Look at how long me and you have known each other and been together, you think I would want to throw that away because of what my family thinks? I don’t think so,” He explained to me seriously and turned away to continue his work.

He filled in the information I had wanted to get to. I still felt a little hurt to know how his family really felt, but I could see it through them so it really didn’t strike me as a surprise. They only dealt with me for the sake of their son. They always made it obvious to me that I didn’t fit in. My first question was answered, but not to my satisfaction. In a way, I guess I wanted him to say something like “No, of course not, my family loves you,” but what else could I say? I asked him to be honest to me and I asked him. Yet, there was still something I still wanted to be answered.

“Ji Yeon, if you had to decide between me and your family, who would you choose?” I asked him.

“Not this s**t. Lela, you are killing me with all these damn questions,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Answer me, who would you choose to keep in your life, your family or me?” I asked him wanting to know who he would choose.

 

Fed up with my questioning him, he pushed away his books to turn and look at me and answered me, “What kind of question is this? I told you I love you, isn’t that enough for you? Ok, you know what, you asked me so I will tell you honestly. If I had to decide between you and my family, I would have to choose my family. Like I said so many times before I love you with all of my heart and you complete me. But, this is my family, those are my parents, how could I not choose them? I hope I never have to make a decision like that in my life, but that’s the way it is. I’m sure you would choose your family before me, too”. He gave a sheepish smile and his eyes reflected worry of how I would take it.

 

His answer to my question was very disappointing and it felt like a wound to my heart. Tears wanted to form in my eyes by his answer, but hell, I understood him in a way. I did not want to accept the answer, but again I had asked for it. Like he said, how could he not choose them over me? They gave him life they cared for him and raised him like any good parents are supposed to do. They even put up with their son dating a Black female for the sake of him. But does my skin color really make that big a difference to them? Is it more important than the 5 years I’ve stuck by him throughout it all, more than the love and devotion I give him? Even though I tried to come to terms with my emotions, I guess I became caught up and suddenly exploded.

 

“NO! I wouldn’t choose my family over you, you are all I have and you are the only one who understands me and truly cares for me, at least I thought you did! Why would I choose people who have forgotten that I’ve existed, who’ve left me to fend for myself!? I get what you’re saying perfectly, you’re saying that if your parents wanted you to let go of this ‘n***a girl’ and would choose to disown you if you didn’t, you would leave me without even blinking an eye!?” I yelled at him with tears.

“Lela, get a hold of yourself! You don’t even know what you are talking about and you are misunderstanding what I am saying. I thought you would understand what I was saying, maybe I didn’t explain myself or maybe I said the wrong things, but I swear that I love you with all my heart and I don’t want you to feel that you are not important in my life”. He spoke in a dominant tone and rose from his place to come and comfort me, but I pushed him away.

“Well, I don’t feel important; especially since you refuse to realize that your racist parents hate me!” I spat back, he stood there listening to me.

“My parents don’t hate you, they just don’t approve of me dating outside of our race, and it’s a cultural thing,” he told me with a raised tone as if it was acceptable behavior for people to act that way.

“THAT IS HATE! What don’t you get about that? You just don’t understand it at all. I could’ve sworn that when you left me alone in your mother’s kitchen with her last week that she muttered to me “Black Trash”. I played it off as if I didn’t hear her, but it really hurt me!” I yelled back.

“I’m so sorry…I-I didn’t know she called you that,” he said taken aback.

“Well she did! Or did you forget about the time when your father told me that you dating me is an abomination and was against God’s plan? What kind of stuff is that?” I asked him like he had an answer to that last statement.

“You know what I don’t even know why you are coming towards me like this. As a matter of fact, and when this happened, why didn’t you tell me about this before?” he asked loudly.

“Oh so what now, you’re saying that you didn’t know that your family hated the “colored girl” you brought in?” I yelled back.

“No, I’m asking you why you didn’t tell me that my parents had said that to you. You know I would’ve confronted them about that. I’m sorry that they did that to you, but it’s not my fault?” he said as if he were blowing it off.

“Instead of waiting for me to tell you about those ignorant racist freaks…” he cut my sentence off and spoke loudly

“Now you listen good, I will not tolerate you calling my parents freaks” he yelled at me, but I got louder in my defense as I cut him off.

“Oh, so what it’s okay for them to call me “Black Trash” and actually make me feel like it. You know what you’re a coward; you’re not a real man. Because if you were, you would have already stood up or at least honestly spoke to your parents about what’s truly right. It’s up to you to make them realize that love is beyond race or culture. I’m so fed up with worrying about what your bigoted family thinks of me, it’s so unreal. I just want to be accepted with the love and blessings from your parents for us, instead of letting them cause tension in our relationship. I just don’t know if I can go on,” I poured all of the words out to him as he stood there. It was raining outside as we stood face to face at one another in an awkward moment of silence, then Ji Yeon spoke softly. 

“So what are you saying to me?” he asked in a very low tone.

“I don’t know, I don’t know. I’m just so tired,” I expressed to him through my tears.

“Are you just giving up on us like that after all that we’ve been through? And to think you were the one I wanted to marry. This was petty from the beginning, I’m out,” he told me as he began to gather his books.

This time, I didn’t even bother to respond to him, I just wept while the rain was still pouring in the background. Was he really going to just end this with me? I would’ve redeemed myself with him, but I was so weak at the moment. After the argument, he gathered his things and left me. A month later, which felt like 3 years later, I still received no contact from him.

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The whole thing was my fault because I continued to ask so many damn questions, when I know he wasn’t in the mood for it. Even though the way his parents think about me still hurts, I still had my Ji Yeon, which was more than a girl could ask for. I should be outside without a care and taking advantage of this beautiful spring day, but instead I’m stuck inside deteriorating from the inside on out. I’m stuck inside because my mind and heart has taken complete control of my body and tells me that “there is nothing out there for you”. Somehow, I just need to take control of my life again, but most importantly, I have to figure out a way to make things right and get my other half back. Whatever the risks are, I know that they are only worth taking for him. First, I need to get my a*s out of this bed and try to call him.

I will try his cell phone number first since its only 2:39 p.m. he more than likely has it with him. I’m now starting to feel nervous as of how he will respond to me. His phone rang, but nobody picked up. Hmm, I wonder is going with him. He probably knew it was me and didn’t want to talk to me now. Wait, I know I will call him at his apartment. Ok, I’ll give him another 6 rings and I’ll hang up.

“Hello?” a male voice answered.

I was startled at first and answered with silence.

“Hello?” he asked a second time, only this time with a touch of irritation in his voice.

“Ji Yeon, it’s um….Lela and I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute,” I said hesitantly.

“Oh Lela, I have to be real with you, I’ve missed you so badly, I just didn’t know how and what I was going to say to you,” he told me as he spoke with a melancholy tone.

“Ji, baby it was my fault….” He cut me off and started on what he had to say

“No, it wasn’t your fault baby. See, during the time we spent separated I began to think about things and I’ve been trying to sort things out myself and I realized that as crazy as this may sound, but I would choose you over the ignorant reasons my family would use to disown me. If they truly respected me and my decisions, then they would accept you into their lives. The fact is I truly do need you and without you I am nothing but a lost soul living for nothing. You’ve taught me how to love and you showed me the meaning.

“I had a talk with my parents and believe me it was deep and it was difficult trying to make them understand, but I think I got through to them. I let them know how I felt about you and what my decision was. It was hard, there were some tears that were shed, but I dealt with it and so did they. Lela, you’re the one I want to live happily ever after with, I don’t think you would ever understand how committed I am to you and how emotionally tied I am to you,” he finally said.

I started to weep again, only this time because I felt my heart, our hearts mending back together again.

“Baby, I love you more than you’ll ever know. You have no idea how I’ve hurt without you, I was wasting away my life. I don’t think you realize how much you mean to me,” I told him through my tears.

“Baby, I understand you 100%. You’re my other half. I need you and I want to make sure that our love is secure. That’s why I want to marry you,” Ji Yeon proposed to me I think!

“Huh?” I asked puzzled.

“Lela Renee Robinson, will you marry me?” he popped the question to me.

He did propose to me and I just wept with joy

“Oh my God, yes I will marry you, you know I will!” I exclaimed in excitement. Somehow I felt it was too soon and that is was really a rush, but who cares? I’m talking to my baby again; eventually we planned to be together forever anyway. We’re getting married; I know for sure that God is definitely on my said. “I want you over here right now so that I can see you!” I said.

“Baby, I’m on my way,” he said

About 30 minutes later and a rejuvenated me, the doorbell rang. I already knew who it was. I opened the door fast, ran into Ji Yeon’s arms and kissed him for what seemed like an eternity in Heaven.

Author's Note

The story is kinda cliche, but I created it for my English Class.

Reviews

[Farrah Grahm]

Oh cliche, if we didn't secretly all have a love cliched stories, then there would be no need for Walt Disney and his creations.
This is so heartwarmingly touching! It makes me think of my sister, and how my parents take her dating a puerto rican. In the end, understanding makes way for love.
Oh, I seriously got a punch to the heart when loud a*s Ji got real quiet as he felt a break up coming on. Great job making it all real. I know how that hurts to watch. This was great good job.

I should be outside without a care and taking advantage of this beautiful spring day, but instead I'm stuck inside deteriorating from the inside on out. I'm stuck inside because my mind and heart has taken complete control of my body and tells me that "there is nothing out there for you". ----GREAT GREAT GREAT LINES!

"You know what I don't even know why you are coming towards me like this. As a matter of fact, and when this happened, why didn't you tell me about this before?" he asked loudly.---fix this sentence.
I didn't want to pick out grammar mistakes but those were the only things concerning improvement I could say about this piece.

[Wildecat]

A beautiful and heartfelt story, a definite pleasure to read your work, will be checking out more of it.