Self Inflicted Nightmares

I can't believe I'm seeing you again
It's been years and I'm just asking for a friend
Did you forget me yet?
Did you forgive me yet?

Cause I haven't and I don't think I ever will
You talk to me in dreams and I can see you still
Why are you in my head?
Will I ever forget?

I carry you with me
Through everything
The color of your eyes
And the number eighteen
Black and red and green
I wish they didn't mean
Anything to me

Sorry's not enough
And it's a word I'd never say
I'll never look you up again
I never say your name
So why do you haunt me?
I thought you fell away
You're just hiding in the day

Cause my nights are not my own
They're spiked with comic gold
The girl I never left alone
Is coming back for me
My nights are always cold
You're right
I'm far too old to keep these memories
I need to learn to let them go

I never want to have to see your face
For a while there was a period I saw it everyday
And it was all my fault
I pinned you to my wall

I always flinch when someone says your name
Don't want to deal with repercussions in a very public place
I feel like they all know
Why shouldn't they know?

I remember what I'd do
To just see you
I would follow you to places
I had never been to
To find a better view
See you warm and soft and loose
But it wasn't meant for me

I remember all too much
But you're not pulsing through my veins
The way that you used to
It will never be the same
But apparently you'll always be
A word I keep behind my teeth
A nightmare interrupting sleep

Cause my nights are not my own
They're spiked with comic gold
The girl I never left alone
Is coming back for me
My nights are always cold
You're right
I'm far too old to keep these memories
I need to learn to let them go