Waiting For Flowers To Grow

I've written poetry
Since I was just thirteen
For boys in gawky glasses
And girls who were too mean
And now there's not a someone
Who makes the stars seem bright
Who makes the world seem beautiful
Who makes me feel alright

And it takes some getting used to
But I'm still sort of stuck
Thinking that I'm missing something
Cause I've always been in love
But I know that it's not her
And I know that's it's not him
But I can only be so sure
Cause feelings come on whims
Of blurry repetition
And lips that come too close
Yeah, it's all too close for comfort
So why does it feel like home?

What am I missing out on?
It seems awful from afar
But as soon as I touch the flame I melt and I almost fall apart
It's like a drug
It keeps me high
But I crash at each goodbye
I swear I don't know how to keep
These flowers alive
Cause I water them
And they don't grow
At least not at my hand
A better man always come along
And I'll never understand

Cause I'm careful and precise
And I would give you room to grow
From the wonderful little bud you are
And I would keep you safe and warm
And I would bask you in the sunlight
For all the world to see
I'd greet you in the morning
And kiss you on the cheek
And you would always get your way
Each and every single day
Darling, subtle love can be
What gives my heart away

If it weren't for my sleeve
I'd have something to keep
But it's under lock and key
And it's writing out your dreams
From a space beneath your ribs
The place I'd like to kiss
Where you pump enough blood for the two of us
To get lost in

But it's all just wishful thinking
And it's killing me again
For the petals and the leaves to fall
Are ones I didn't win
I didn't catch a four leafed clover yet
I didn't find my yin
But they're out there somewhere
Waiting to begin
So let's begin