Chocolate (Alina V)

You remind me of Chocolate by The 1975 and eating breakfast when you're still half asleep and varying shades of purple; and if I knew how to play guitar I'd play you Lonely Eyes by The Front Bottoms. If you were a picture you'd be raindrops on a car window with city lights glowing in the background. And I remember you were soft but that you let sharp things cut your skin. I don't remember what you taste like but I don't think it was beer. You are red and blue waterfalls in starry skies and dark tunnels surrounding train tracks. If you were a song you'd be a symphony of acoustic guitar and heavy bass and synth beats. You would echo and drown me in your voice and giggle and look away shyly. If you were a touch you would be arms around my neck, holding me tight as you buried your small face into my hair. You would smell like flowers and perfume I knew from when I was a kid. The marks on your arms are from every icy heart you've tried to warm and ended up getting bitten. I remember how you stood there begging for attention because you knew I would give it to you"but darling, it wasn't my attention you wanted. And by the way, you had it. You only kept asking because it was all you'd ever done. And I think that scared you. You were scared of someone loving you. You were used to quick and detached"you were used to a tongue down your throat"and it was okay because you could cry over them after. But if someone ever loved you, you just wouldn't believe it. You would push them away like you did to me. And I guess I could do that, too. But don't tell someone it's love when you know it's not, please. Because that killed me. And now when I see knuckles I can feel your hand in mine. When I sit on trampolines it's like you're there with me. And when I smoke Marb Reds I can taste it mingled with Budweiser on your lips. When I see glasses I see your big, dark eyes. And when I eat chocolate I think of the song and how it made me think I loved you. And maybe, in a way, I did.