The Color of Magic

    They destroyed everything.
    I stare at the ruins of a town that I used to call home.  The once magnificent stone buildings are just a pile of rubble on the cracked streets.  There is no sign of life.  Not anymore. There are no men or women walking through the market.  There are no children noisily playing games in the streets, or clinging to their parents’ hands.  There is nobody.  Because They destroyed the people too.
    Stumbling over the piles of stone, I search for something, anything, that might give me some hope.  If only I had taken a photograph of my family with me before I left, then maybe I would feel like there is something worth living for.  I would give anything to be able to see the faces of my mother and father smiling up at me, and I would give even more to see the face of my younger sister, Ashlyn.  She was only eight years old when I had to leave.  I remember it as clearly as if it happened yesterday.

The sky outside is dark gray, filling the house with a dull light.  Ashlyn is crying into my skirt, her shoulders shaking with sobs.

“Why Kyra? Why?”  she cries.

I kneel down, tuck her curly, dark brown hair behind her ear, and look into her eyes.  They are a brilliant green, and shining with tears.

“I have to leave Ashlyn.” I say. “I love you, and one day you will understand.  I’m doing this to keep you safe, and to keep Mama and Papa safe too. Please promise me that you will look after Mama and Papa, okay?”

My sister nods her head as tears continue to run down her face.

“Good.” I say, and give her a hint of a smile. “Now, I’m going to promise you something.  I promise that I will come back for you.  I promise that I will never let anything happen to you.  When this is all over, I’ll be back here with you and Mama and Papa, and everything will be back to normal.  This isn’t my last goodbye.”

I look up and see my parents standing by the doorway.  My mother is crying silently and clinging to Papa's arm.  I give Ashlyn a long hug and kiss her on the forehead, then walk over to my parents to say goodbye.

“Kyra...” my father begins, but I cut him off.

“I have to do this papa,” I tell him, “it’s the only way.  You know that as well as I do.”

My father nods his head gravely. “I know that Kyra, but I wish there was another way.  You’re only 16 after all.  I just can’t stand the thought that I might lose you forever.”

I don’t want to go, but if there’s any hope of ever finding a way to fix this, then I have to.

Trying not to show how terrified I am about what I’m about to do, I give my parents a last hug and kiss, then grab my bag and walk out the door.

   
    That was two years ago now.  I didn’t know then that it would be my last goodbye, and it’s all because of the color of magic.

Author's Note

The start of a book! Let me know what you think.
I edited this a bit, and changed the names to something that I liked more.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very good opening chapter. Open the door to many questions and mystery. I like the description of the damage area and the goodbye. I look forward to see where you are taking the story. A excellent opening chapter.
Coyote

[Caradoc]

Well...apparently... http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/TheCallKnowsWhereYouLive

Poor Kyra. This is a very poignant and tragic beginning for the main character. You described the flashback well, which really set the tone for this piece. Now, you stated in the description of the book that this is a semi futuristic tale, yet even though there isn't much description of the town, I get the sense it looks...medieval. Maybe it's because of the title, The Color of Magic, and that making me think high fantasy.

Still, the emotions and actions of the characters you introduced are fairly believable. The only thing that sort of threw me for a loop is how it's narrated in present tense. I'm not used to reading tales written in that manner.

I do love the title drop at the end though.

This chapter reminds me of the game, "The Legend of Dragoon", more specifically, the song "If You Still Believe."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sBabT4hDZts

I was intrigued. Well done.

-Caradoc

[Katie Marie]

Thank you for the review. I'm sitting in class right now reading this, so I'll have to look up the links later. And, yes, the present tense thing...I didn't really think about it as I was writing, and it has proved to be difficult to write, but I really enjoy being able to write as if it were me in the story. It helps me become more involved in the writing and the creation of the storyline.
And as for the futuristic description, that is where it is set. It is a future that has gone back, instead of going forward with technology and other things. It is also fantasy though, obviously, because of the magical touch.

[Caradoc]

You're most welcome.

I tend to stick to past tense when doing first person narratives. I feel it gives a stronger feel of a story being told to the reader. That way, even though they know it's fiction, the narrative imparts a feeling of "this happened".

[Katie Marie]

I definitely understand that. :)

[krish]

This is interesting............but don't u think that if u r writing a chapter then it should b a bit long................ya,,,..........i liked it too.............
but if i'd to say u sth as my opinion then u should have to make/write something more about it.............................................have a nice day.............

[Wolfwind]

This was a wonderful opening scene. The description and the dialog in the flashback was very well done. I could easily see myself inside the imagery. I felt that it had the right pace and hinted enough at what the story might lead to that I'm now curious and wish to know more.

Nice ink!
Aaron

[Nick.B]

An interesting first chapter, I'll be waiting for the other chapters as well, the plot seems good and I'll be looking forward to see where this story will go....anyway great job

[patricia]

This was realy good. It had me interested right from the start. enjoyed.

[Danielle]

This is a great start, you make the reader long for more. I am curious about what happens next. Please continue on!!!

[Kaylor Mason]

This is good! I read it and was hooked in the first two lines--I am interested. The scene of desolation in the beginning was really cool--always open with something dramatic; that's been my methods too, anyway. It's very sound when I'm working on my books

[Forest Green]

Unique..very original. I like the beginning you've written in this chapter..!

Nice storyline and the father-daughter exchange is great...

[Danielle]

Nice start, I look forward to reading more!

[YouoweYoupay]

Interesting, a tragic start very-well conveyed. It's not hard to envision the scene of distruction. I personally did not like the dialogue manner. It sounds a little bit artificial, maybe try to get your characters into more realistic, more natural conversations? Otherwise, good start. Let me know when the rest is out.