Requiem for the Man

I said something.

Words I wish I hadn’t

I’m crying now, 

For him.

For the boy

For the man.

He is my brother,

Born from another mother.

I am his sister,

Fathered by another mister.

Blood and bone do not join us

Skin, race and creed don’t define us.

I was electric,

He was static.

Static, still, a solid stone;

A rock for me to hold onto.

Together forever-

Wasn’t that what we said?

One time yes.

What he said,

And what I said

It broke my heart 

And hurt my head.

It aches and now I miss him.

I miss his laughter,

I miss his embrace,

I miss his anger,

I miss his face.

The things I miss, 

The things I lost. 

None are more precious than he. 

He cannot be replaced;

I cannot hear his voice, 

Nor recall his face. 

Things I spoke I can’t take back

Called things I’m not,

All over a fact.

A quote, not mine,

Someone else’s ripping line.

Yes ripping.

Tearing, slashing, breaking.

My heart hurts knowing he is out there

Out there in the world,

Hating me. 

I want to go home.

It is not my home.

It was once, 

Those years well-spent. 

Away they went,

And away he goes.

To where,

No one knows. 

My agony only grows. 

Tears fall for my brother.

My brother I lost.

I lost him myself.

It was my fault,

No one else.

He couldn’t take but a pinch of salt.

Throw it over his shoulder,

Turn around.

Nights sitting on the windowsill,

We raged together. 

Memories of that year,

One floor apart. 

Now a world apart.

Where are you?

Please know that, even if you hate me,

You will always be my brother.

Wounds mend,

Bonds bend,

But they won’t break. 

I won’t allow it,

For my heart’s sake. 

Bitterness is swallowed by the night,

Fear of hate disappears, out of sight.

I wasn’t right.

I know this now.

Drop it.

Mop it.

Mop it away like a stain on the floor.

Ripping my heart into pieces so small

I can thread them through a needle’s eye.

Gather them up and staple them together.

But it will never be the same.

Laughter I thought would last forever.

It slipped through my fingers as I lost the game.

What is kinship?

I question as I see the past.

Flying fleetingly, so fast.

What is friendship?

I whisper to the sky and sun.

Take my hand, be my one.

Brother don’t curse me.

I was never not beside you.

I was always on your team.

The team of those with a view and a hope.

Those who try to wash the world with soap.

Clean a kingdom, Britannia rest.

You’ve done your job, it is our turn to take the test.

In the dead of night we sat and drank.

Words we chattered, every time you thanked.

Break the ceiling, be beside me once more.

Touch the tears on my face

I know it is you whom I can never replace.

But that was then and this is now.

It won’t matter if I question how.

Please change the world.

Please change your mind.

Look into my heart in order to find.

Find the void and fill it with reconciliation.

I have suffered this retribution.

This agony of your disappointment.

If I could, I would pray.

Pray we could be together.

Pray we could forgive.

Forgive forever.

Brother, oh Brother.

Why must you be so far away?

I know my mouth was wild.

I know I was a child.

Now I am grown.

Pain inside I have been shown.

Be my hero as you once were.

We do not share blood or bone,

But you are part of my home.

Past future, past fame.

Past my words, past a penname.

Beyond tomorrow’s good.

Beyond love’s evil.  

This is my request, just hear me out:

I don’t mind if you swear or shout,

Just be by my side, even for a moment.

And if this happens, and we meet,

Could you perhaps forgive,

So my heart can rest in peace. 

Reviews

[AliciaB]

This is very emotional. The pain and regret over the "tearing, slashing, breaking" words that were exchanged is very apparent throughout. The use of "brother" to describe the subject of the poem is also interesting - it expresses a deep and unique connection between him and the speaker. The final five lines are the most powerful for me. Great work in portraying such raw emotion in this piece.

[Kat Mandu]

Thanks, it means alot.

[Coyote Poetry]

Sad and powerful words.
"Where are you?
Please know that, even if you hate me,
You will always be my brother.
Wound mend,
Bonds bend,
But they won’t break.
I won’t allow it,
For my heart’s sake. "
I liked the above lines. I learn the hard way. Two brothers committing suicide. Hold negative words away and be kind always to our family. The world is hard enough on the family. We must be the open door and kind words. Thank you for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[barleygirl]

This is one of the best love poems I've read in a long while. I don't go for the flowery superficial type of love poem, but instead, something like this, which shows us the love & the person & the journey & the feelings, all with such clarity & intensity. Your message is very convincing, we know exactly how much this hurts deep inside, yet it's also a warm fuzzy spot that one treasures for a lifetime -- such exquisite true-to-life contrasts, painted in bright word colors, is a rare & heart-touching thing. I have felt all these feelings many times, for all the failed loves & friendships along the way, separations & misunderstandings that can't be overcome & which haunt us for a lifetime. This is a very powerful expression of love.

[Kat Mandu]

Thanks for the comment. Yeah, it's about someone very special to me, and I wrecked our friendship over a stupid misunderstanding.