The Light of Optimism

Spur of the moment poetry.

I sit here unnoticed,

stuck in the dark I brought myself into.

I move my hands in slow motions

to try and find the light.


But it’s nowhere near me.

I take a deep breath

and vow to myself

that I will never do this again.


I will never fall so hard in this hole

or dig such a deep grave

when it’s not my time to die.

It’s not my time to fade.


So I finally stand

and all this hope surrounds me.

I move in faster motions,

and feel a switch beside me.


The light it turns on,

and it’s brighter than ever.

I have no reason to be afraid,

because the worst of this is over.

Reviews

[Ees]

I think that this poem is great! It is beautiful.
The flow throughout most of the poem is pretty good, but there are a few lines that stuck out to me as awkward and in contradiction of the lovely flow that works throughout the rest of the poem.

The first line that stuck out to me was the second line. I cannot suggest a specific change to you, but I can say that if you read your poem out loud I think that you will feel what I did. You are the best one to discover the changes that you need to make though.

the other line that stuck out to me was: "when it’s not my time to die.

It’s not my time to fade." and I think some slight rearrangement or removal of that period maybe... might help again, I think you will work work it out by reading your poem out loud.

These are just structure suggestions. I think that as far as content goes your poem is straight forward and easy to follow. good job.

[Katelyn Marie]

Thank you so much! I love the constructive criticism! It means a lot for you to help me out! :)

[Ees]

No problem. I always try to review things on here in the way that I hope people will review what I write! It always helps, in my opinion, to hear someone else's thoughts because they may see something that I missed. A lot of times we think we have written things that we haven't because some of the content stays in our heads and never makes it to the page... but we see it there anyway. At least that is how it sometimes happens with me.

[Nix is typing...]

Okay so I know you posted this like eight years ago, but I was in discover and it led me to this poem. I thought it was really good and I felt the need to leave a review even though I have a feeling that you've abandoned the cafe. This is really good! Honestly, I feel it's better than anything I've ever written!!
I'm not really sure I've written something so optimistic though, I think everything I've written has been kinda dark or too real for some people. I very much enjoyed this read.

100/100

Nix ❤️

[Green]

This was amazing. It tells such a great story of hitting rock bottom and rising out of it again and then moving on. Congrats.

[Katelyn Marie]

Thank you so so much. :)