Open it

wrote this for my imaginative writing class. They never give any real feedback, just 'goodjobs' what do you think?

Coffee-colored wrappings

Consume his curious mind.

It could not be for him.

 

Open it.

 

But it doesn’t belong.

Not here, not to him.

 

Open it.

 

Overwhelming desire unfolds

As frantically clumsy fingers

Tear away the paper,

Cut through the tape.

 

Open it.

 

Pull back the flaps,

Sift through the peanuts,

Unroll the bubble wrap.

 

There it is.

 

It is not mesmerizing.

It is not doused in silver

Nor is it covered with flecks of gold.

 

It is not valuable

Or even worth having.

 

In fact, it is nothing,

Nothing at all

Reviews

[John Stussy]

Good job!!!


Just kidding, that's not all of my review. It's a well-penned poem, and I like the way you build up the tension throughout it over what the package contains. The curiosity and apprehension were tangible, and I actually rather like how the ending falls flat. It highlights the disappointment of the subject at finding nothing after all of that apprehension and effort.

The only flaw I saw in this was that I think you meant mesmerizing, not memorizing. Great work, it's awesome to see new writing from you Kate.

[K.]

Ackkk thanks Johnny. I cant believe I let that sneak by me!

[John Stussy]

Glad I could be of help. :)

[Rob Santana]

Well written piece. Strong imagery, I like how the suspense was built up.

[Happy hours]

lovely writing...you represent two shades of mind state i.e curiosity and disappointment very well...overall well structured and beautiful poem...nicely penned :)

Regards,
Anshul

[Happy hours]

lovely writing...you represent two shades of mind state i.e curiosity and disappointment very well...overall well structured and beautiful poem...nicely penned :)

Regards,
Anshul

[Happy hours]

lovely writing...you represent two shades of mind state i.e curiosity and disappointment very well...overall well structured and beautiful poem...nicely penned :)

Regards,
Anshul

[JD Jessop]

Nice twist on this one! I like you're continued theme and admonition..............Open it!..............good stuff! Thanks for sharing and as you are changing the world............Keep Writing ;)

[Jamie]

Really great piece of poetry and an excellent read :)

[Wórdsmíth]

Sounds interesting! You`ve just put your feelings unto the barren leaves of your heart. . .with emotions. Nice imagery!

[Princ3ss_26]

I thought I would find a gift towards the end. Something meaningful or important to you, the author. Then I thought, oh my goodness is it a candy bar. I am all for it. Then to find that literally, curiosity killed the cat. Well done!

[Carl Drake Barnard]

Hmm I have to admit this is an interesting read indeed! :) Well done lovely enjoyed being captured by it very unique**
-CDB