Chapter 4 - The Fires Continue to Engulf the Moon

August 1st, 2031

Dear Jayne,

Thank you for your letter. I watched the meteor shower and everything was exactly how you said it would be. I’m glad I had that night to prepare me for what happened next.

 

You see, Jayne, I’ve never been good about losing things. Goodbyes were never my strength, but, loses happen here every day. That is something I’ve had to get used to. Today, however, I lost a friend and gained a pain I will carry with me until the day I join him. Oh, Jayne, it is something I will never forget.

 

We’d been fighting all day and we were all tired. It had been a monotonous cycle of loading, aiming, and firing. Things were beginning to slow down and our enemies were pulling back. I felt relieved, for the moment.

 

My friend Mason was at my side, and, in the silence between us, we exchanged more encouragement and strength than any person will ever come to understand. Over the past couple of months, I found a friend that I came to call my own brother. We agreed that the blood running through our veins was the same. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much.

 

Our troops had pushed the other soldiers out and we began to finish up. Our heightened senses were finally decreasing and we were letting our guard down. That is the biggest mistake any of us could ever have made. Jayne, it all happened so fast and I watched it all in slow motion. Mason stood up and made a comment about how we trumped those forces. The next thing I remember is watching his body jerk and then go deathly still. A stray bullet from the retreating soldiers shot the core of him.

 

I watched as the blood started draining out of his wound and he clutched it and moaned and fell to his knees. I ran over to him and laid him down into my arms. He was breathing heavy and wincing in pain. He shrunk in agony. I could feel his heartbeat slowing down and his breaths becoming short. He didn’t even try to fight it, I think he welcomed it.

 

There in my arms I watched my friend take his last breath and pass away. I’ve seen death every day since I came here, but the sorrow that comes with losing a friend is more than I could ever have imagined. I watched a hero fall. I don’t know how to get through everything. I don’t have time to mourn his death. I don’t have enough strength left to feel anything but apathy.

 

Jayne, is it selfish to think I’m grateful it wasn’t me?

Forever yours,

Charlie

 

 

 

August 6th, 2031

Dear Charlie,

I’m so sorry about your friend Mason and all the other men that die fighting for us each day. We’ll get through this together, just like everything else we’ve ever had to deal with. I know it may seem easier said than done, but try not to muffle the pain. You need to let it out slowly and deliberately.

 

There will be nights you lay awake and can’t stop replaying everything in your mind. There will be painful days when you don’t feel like eating. Maybe you’ll see something that reminds you of Mason and you won’t be able to help crying. Don’t try to hold back. Let the emotion wash over you. Jump in, over your head even. Experience it, know it, work through it, and then, let it go. Let go and let God. Isn’t that what people always say? Those sorts of things have worked for you in the past, this time is not any different.

 

I understand that this is hard for you. It’s probably close to how I feel about you not being here. Mason would be upset if he knew his death caused you so much grief. For his sake, don’t dwell on everything too long. Give yourself a reasonable amount of time to come to terms with everything, just make sure not to put off joyful things because you feel you are disgracing his memory.

 

He would want you to move on, so that is what you’ll have to do, Charlie. We’ll get through this together.

 

I’m sorry,

Jayne

 

 

August 12th, 2031

Dear Jayne,

I’ve been thinking a lot because there isn’t much else to do here when we’re not fighting. Usually thinking is a good thing, but I’m not so sure. I’ve been thinking about the future and what it might hold for me.

 

Suppose I die here like Mason or so many others. I’ll have missed out on so much. I’m only 20, Jayne, and I have so much life left. I haven’t done anything truly worth remembering yet. I never wrote a book or painted some picture that will hang in a museum forever. Whether or not I’m taking part in history, my story will not be recorded in a text book for some heroic deed. I don’t even have a son to carry on the only thing I own: my name.

 

I wish I was older and married and had a family that would be there when I came home. A man needs a family before he feels accomplished. I’d like that built in support system and unconditional love.

 

I think when I get home I’ll write about everything that went on here. I didn’t used to like writing until we started exchanging letters. I’ve surprisingly enjoyed it. I’ll take the little money I’m getting for fighting and I’ll invest it. I’ll go to college and become…well, I’m not sure, but it could be anything. The sky’s the limit. I can do anything just as soon as I get out of this war.

 

I’m aching to be home today more than usual. Cherish Middleton while your still there, Jayne. You don’t realize how much you miss something until you’re 5,000 miles away.

 

Missing you,

Charlie

 

 

August 27th, 2031

Dear Charlie,

I read your last letter over a few times and I had to wonder: Whatever happened to our dreams? You talked about having a family and doing things we always used to discuss. Why didn’t we really go after what we wanted? I never wanted to be a waitress at a diner and you never really wanted to join the military, but here we are today doing it. I was going to be a veterinarian and you were going to go into business law. Or that was at least one of the dozens of plans we made while we were trying to figure everything out.

 

It is such a task trying to figure it all out. I swear I’ll never make up my mind about serious stuff like that. I’d rather leave those important decisions up to a magic-8 ball. Discerning what you should do with the rest of your life is pretty important stuff. Don’t be so concerned about all that while you’re there. Just focus on what’s happening and how soon it’ll all be over.

 

I sure do hope it will be soon, too. We need you around here, or at least I do. I miss my best friend. When you get home, we’ll have so much time we’ll have to make up for. I already made a list of things to do:

1.) Stay up all night exchanging stories about home and the war

2.) Make blueberry pancakes

3.) Get everyone together for a flag football game

4.) Take a stroll down Memory Lane

5.) Give you the tightest hug and never let go

 

That’s just a few suggestions to begin with. I always think spontaneity works better than lists, so we’ll see how everything goes. That part in the letter about a family sounds like a good idea, though. You know, I’m going to do a girly thing here. I can’t help but think we’ve declined. Whatever happened to us? Why didn’t we go anywhere?

 

Missing you more,

Jayne

 

 

September 17th, 2031

Dear Jayne,

I’ve wondered what happened to us, too. We’ve grown up together and have been best friends for as long as I can remember. The reason we never went anywhere was because I’ve always been too scared to tell you what I think.

 

Here I am, several thousand miles away, and I finally have the guts to tell you. Well, Jayne Leighanne Barnes, I’m not under your balcony window and I’m not holding a bouquet of roses, but I’m telling you now in this letter that I love you. By love I mean that I would lay down my life for you a hundred times over just to see you happy. I would tie a lasso around the moon, like in the old movies, and reel it in for you to wear around your neck. I would give you the world if you gave me a smile.

 

I don’t know why it took me so long to say it. I’ve loved you for so long, I’ve just been scared about what would happen if I told you. I can go to war but I can’t confess my love to a girl. I learned out here really fast, there are few things in life worth waiting around for. You are worth it, I just couldn’t wait any longer.

 

I’ll say it again just so you believe it: Jayne, I’m in love with you.

Love,

Charlie

 

 

September 21st, 2031

Dear Charlie,

It took you long enough, you know that? I re-read your letter a dozen times and I still can’t believe it. My hands were shaking when I first read it. My heart is pounding now as I’m writing this reply letter. There is no other reply than: I love you too, Charlie.

 

It feels good to say it. Well, write it. I’ve held it secret for too long, also. Oh Charlie, the only thing I regret about all this is that we didn’t say it sooner.

 

No matter, we’ll make up for lost time when you get home. This makes me even more anxious to see you again. I love you.

 

Affectionately yours,

Janye

 

 

September 29th, 2031

Dear Jayne,

I regret not telling you sooner, too. Maybe that is why I am about to do what comes next. Jayne I have known you for more than fifteen years. We’ve built tree houses, eaten family dinners together, and been through the best and worst of times. You’ve always been there when I needed you, especially now. You are such an amazing woman, and, quite frankly, I can’t imagine living without you. That being said, I have something to ask you.

 

I’m not down on one knee, and I know I’m not being very romantic. I’m not there in person, like I’d hoped to be, but I need to make a proposal. When I look into the future, the only thing I see that I’m sure of is you. You’ve given me the strength I’ve needed to keep me going. You’ve been my angel, Jayne. I can’t recall a single childhood memory that you weren’t in. I can’t think of any major event in my life that you weren’t apart of. I look ahead in hope to what I will find if I come home. The thing I look forward to most is being in your arms.

 

Maybe you’ve dreamt of this moment and I know this isn’t ideal; I don’t even have a ring. But, I can’t go another day without asking you.

 

Jayne, will you marry me?

I love you,

Charlie

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Such strength and realness in these letters. When a man is far away and too much time to think. He learn what was good in a life. A excellent chapter. You can tell a story.
Coyote