Don't Mention It

An intricately woven piece with many different levels. Read through normally, read the bold, then read the italics. It's meant to feel like the millions of thoughts buzzing around in a young girl's mind when faced with the decisions of wrong and right.

Here we are in this room, surrounded

By posters of scantily clad women

And the smell of old drugs.

I'm on your couch and your hands

Are on me, exploring and feeling.

Only minutes ago you whispered,

"Someone is dying for me to kiss them."

"Not me," I objected, hoping I hadn't

Given myself away.

"You're a bad liar," you countered.

"No, I'm not; I'm a terrible one," I corrected,

"Now, how are we going to fix that?"

Silly question indeed, because you knew

Just how to fix it and satisfy our desires.

It's funny that we are merely strangers

Because our bodies seem to behave as friends.

Although, I know that you consider me as

Nothing

More than a possible, pleading, hopeful, one-night stand.

 

Discarded clothes leave me feeling over-dressed

In this under-dressed world I am no more

Accustomed to than Innocence.

You lead me into temptation and deliver me lies

Of how badly you want me.

But you don't tell me you love me and

I think to myself, what a horrible world.

This is happening, really happening,

With me and you,

But there is no white dress, no black tie,

In fact there's no denying it at all-

It was never meant to go this far

 

 

And perhaps it never will.

Please, Joan, just walk away

From this walk-away Joe.

Don't settle for a let-down.

Don't let him lay you down

On this bed of broken dreams

And crinkled sheets from the last girl

In your position.

I don't envy your decision.

But before he comes

In to you

You really should

Walk

Out.

Author's Note

Read through normally, then read the bold, then read the italics.

Picture is Jack Vetrianno, "Exit Eden"

Reviews

[Jesse Merritt]

I must first begin with the perspective in the normal read through. It is very troubling as an audience member to put myself into the male figure's position. Lust when you aren't horny feels like any other sin, wrong. You are totally catching the reader off guard, like you tend to do:

"Your hands Are on me, exploring and feeling" Immediately I am thrown into one of two possible roles, I can either relate to the girl or the guy. Dividing your audience in this fashion allows you to let your world be theirs and let them see how wrong and shameful it was.

Now when you divided the poem into three parts, you created an overwhelming sense of compassion for the girl. You are very clever with you use of bold and italics. I noticed that the normal font was the present tense of what happen.

I went back and edited just so you could read the bold and italics so other readers could truly appreciate the creativity involved in this poem.

Bold:
I feel I had Given myself away. Silly desires. It's nothing pleading, leave me no more world under temptation deliver me to a world With white will settle down dreams Walk Out.

Italics:
Someone is dying for me to satisfy our desires. Although, I know Discarded clothes lead to me and you happening deny this And perhaps this bed of broken, from indecision Walk Out.

[MollyAger]

Really great piece!! Loved the layers and personality. A lot of different messages and wonderful points of view. Well done!

[writer12]

Truly spectacular piece! Very exciting talent emerging.