How Could He

I watch as he pushes a strand of hair behind her ear wrapping his arm around her waist the same way he did to me. He was just using me and I should have seen it coming. He replaced me as soon as he was done with me. I was supposed to be his everything, not her. I should be over it but seeing them kiss makes my heartache.  Am I not good enough? Will I ever be good enough? I get it. I don’t have long blonde flowing locks and sparkly blue eyes. I have short greasy black hair with brown eyes. I stand up and a hand pulls me down, almost making me trip. 

“Are you crazy?!” She hissed in my ear. They’ll see you.”

“I want to go home. This is painful.” 

“I told you this was a bad idea yet you didn’t listen to me. Nobody listens to the voice of reason. I know it would just make you feel worse about yourself.”

I rolled my eyes and grabbed her hand dashing to my car and quickly getting in. 

“What the f**k! Did you know how dangerous and stupid that was?!” She exclaimed, getting into the passenger seat. 

“I know but I couldn’t look at him kissing that bimbo anymore.” 

“Hey!” She glared at me. “I know you hate her but we don’t s**t shame here.” 

“Sorry.” I hang my head in shame before turning my car on. I race out of the parking lot and slow down when we’re out of their eyesight. 

“Why didn’t you talk me out of it?” I groan, gripping the steering wheel. 

“I tried to but some stubborn weirdo didn’t listen to me.”

“I know ugh I guess I wish it wasn’t true. I thought what we had was special. I should have known better. I hate men.” 

She puts her feet up on my dashboard. “Oh me too. Women are where it’s at.” 

“If I could force myself to like women I would. Being gay in our high school is not fun.” 

“Oh, tell me about it. Especially from the cis straight men. I hate them.”

I pull into Denny’s parking lot and get out of the car. I go inside with her next to me and we get seated in our normal booth by the window.  They know us by name now since we go all the time. I ordered my usual chicken tenders and fries. Usually, it’s a fine time between the two of us but today it was just miserable. I was angry at him and she didn’t want to come with me on my silly little spy mission. We sat in silence till our food came. She dipped a french fry in ketchup and said “Well it could have been worse.” 

“Yeah, he could have not kissed that girl.” 

“No, I meant he could have seen you. That would have been so embarrassing for you.” 

“You too.” 

“Yeah, and I would have had to kill you.” 

“Honestly, please do.” 

“Oh stop being so overdramatic. He’s just a stupid boy. You’ll find someone better.” 

“And what if I don’t. What if I’m alone forever?”

“You’re not going to be alone forever. You’re attractive, you got a decent personality, and you aren’t a piece of s**t like he is. Just forget about him.” 

“Oh, Jesus. Great idea! Why didn’t I think about that?” 

“Okay, I don’t need the sass from you. 

“Too bad you’re getting it,” I say crossing my arms. 

“Now you’re pouting like a little child.” 

“I just don’t know how he could leave me. He had sex with me, took my f*****g virginity, and then just left me to die.” 

“Yeah, and it happens. That’s life. You’ll push through. I believe in you.” 

“Thanks, I guess. I’m glad you don’t think I’m a complete loser and disappointment.” 

“I would never think that about you. Do you think I would think that way about you?” 

“I think everyone thinks that way about me.” 

“You need to change your mindset. Aren’t you talking about this stuff in therapy?” 

“I am but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard.” 

“Or maybe you’re just not trying.” 

I roll my eyes, my blood starting to boil. “Can you shut up?! Please.”

She gave me one of her famous death stares and I knew I was in some deep s**t. “Just because your life sucks doesn’t mean you can treat your friends like absolute s**t. She picked up her purse leaving me to wallow in my suffering and pick up the whole tab. As I was walking I got a Venmo from here paying for the price of her meal. I reach my house and kick off my shoes and flop down on the bed. I sigh, turning on my side and curling into a pillow.  I don’t know how long it was till I fell asleep.