Not Yet Titled.

Good attempt but you might want to think of developing the characters further...I didn't feel for them. Also having 1st person perspective for two characters broken out by chapters falls a little flat. Too many "I said's, I did's"...some variety could go a long way and maybe changing one of the characters to a 3rd person perspective could help.

Just my opinion though.

I thought the concept was good, its just the structure that needs tweaking.

Posted 14 Years Ago

Beautiful! Wonderful, I want more more more! You should write more because I want to read more of your story!

Posted 14 Years Ago

Good attempt but you might want to think of developing the characters further...I didn't feel for them. Also having 1st person perspective for two characters broken out by chapters falls a little flat. Too many "I said's, I did's"...some variety could go a long way and maybe changing one of the characters to a 3rd person perspective could help.

Just my opinion though.

I thought the concept was good, its just the structure that needs tweaking.

Posted 14 Years Ago

Wow! This is a great write! Very intriguing and had me captured up in it right to the end. You have a couple of erors in here but thats all I could find wrong. Great read! And sorry, I have no idea for titles. :/

Posted 14 Years Ago